just cant decide on a middle school!

[crazygal]

ds is due to start middle school in sept,(hes 7 with adhd and poss apergers)
there is 2 schools in my area,and my choice has to be in by the 16th...and im struggling to make that choice...

1st school,nxt door to the 1 he is at now-all his class are moving to that school,its large,they have 1 TA to each class and they are there for half day only,altho they will stay if a child needs them,its got lots of outside space,inside,they do not advertise the fact that children are doing well,they believe that that is personal for the child and family,they send home note to say they have done well,so no reward charts etc up on walls,..my worry here is the 'bad boy' name ds has got from his school now,will it follow him,parents in his class have complained about him to,about hitting etc....

the other school,is supposed to deal with sn children better,they have charts and rewards everywhere,there out side space is poor,(not alot)they were very friendly to go to,they have 1 TA to each class all day and they keep the 'sn' children who dont have a statement on the same table with this TA,i assume the other school would do similar,...my concern here is,they have reward charts everywhere!! which i thought was great,but now....cant believe im saying that,but my ds....ohhhh...what if hes always at the bottom of those charts?everyone can see?! is that advertising the fact that he is struggling?
ive spoke to both schools twice and been in to see them,and they both promised me the earth,but im finding this so hard.....

How difficult for you crazy, Did you get a gut feeling about either of them?

Has your Ds expressed a wish to move with his class mates?

Do the Ofsted reports say anything about SN provision in the schools?

Sorry lots of questions but I have moved my girls a couple of times over the years and they have been things which I have thought of.

If the second school are using reward systems well they would be differentiated and achievable[hopefully].

the minute i walked into the 2nd school i thought,this is the one!! wow,its perfect,but then after a few days these charts keep niggling at me....ds would feel down if he never got up to the gold star/or the green traffic lite etc,i know they all wont get up to the top,but,ds struggles anyway...the ofsted on that one was satisfactory,and that they focused to much on the dc with sn,there is a higher than average number of sn in the school,that the other dc needs attention to,and the usual reading and writing to be improved

the 1st school,i didnt feel it,i think coz the it was the open eve and all those parents that were there that complained were about,and i was on edge,and when the HT was giving his talk about rewarding good behaviour and stickers etc one of the parents poked me and said that will be good for your ds! bitch!!
its good for every child,sorry im a tad sensitive...
anyway i made an appointment for aweek later to see that school again on my own and it felt better,the HT said he would make sure ds was looked after,he said he would send a TA over to his school soon to get to know him,and sit in in the odd class to see how he is and he said he would also place him carefully in a new class away from the class he is in now,
when i asked him why he didnt have rewards etc on walls,he said they feel its a personal goal for the child that no one else needs to know about,however if they do well in something they would let the class etc know,
they have personal goals for dc in that school,so they could earn a paperweight/fountain pens/book marks etc,
the ofsted in that school was also satisfactory,average number of sn in the school,and same about reading and writing
like i said earlier,both schools promised me the best...
ds wants to go to the school next door with his 'friends'....the ones that think hes annoying.x

I am sorry to seem negative but how will the HT know where to place your Ds for the best?

Is he going to base his opinions on what the TA has seen. I am no way dissing TA's because I was one myself for 12 years but I can't see how he can learn enough from a TA popping over to watch him a few times.

The parent who poked you deserves a slap for that comment. How vile people are.

No wonder you are having trouble, are these 2 your only choices.

I found huge value in a 'fresh start'

Moving to a new school with the same kids and parents wouldn't give him that.

I'd be very tempted by school 2. You can always talk with his teacher to make sure the reward scheme is appropriate for him. After all it's 100% her choice what she rewards and when.

yes i know,i just felt abit put out when she poked me!!
the HT in that school said they would have a lot of talks with the HT now,
im just struggling to know,i cant decide!! maybe i should keep him at home and give up work....poor little man,and to shift him to a different school were he knows no one is not good either,maybe i should talk to his HT that he has now,i havent spoke to her about the choice,x

When we moved Dd3 last Easter, we were desperate for someone to tell us what to do, people on here were fab but of course in the end we had to decide.

I actually said to the HT at the new school, it's here or home ed and he said he would do his best to make sure that Dd3 was well looked after.

We did move her in the end and we did make the right choice.

I know thats not much help but I know what you are going through and wish I could make it easier for you.

thank you ineed it is nice to know someone knows what we are feeling,
im sort of feeling that i wish someone could just tell us,but i know the decision is ours only,just sometimes writing it down and getting another point of view helps you make that decision,im sure i will make the right one in the end,
thank you x

Hi Crazy.
As you know we have been in a very similar situation and my DD has similar difficulties to your DS. Personally I really would not be put off by the reward charts at all these are also used in the special schools that I have visited and the teachers are great at making sure that all the children achieve something even if it is a very small goal in order to motivate them and get them onto the chart.
Agree with Indigo think having a fresh start for both you and your DS sounds great that is what we are doing starting this coming Tuesday and also smaller class sizes are better I think.
If you had a gut feeling of the second school being perfect that you should not dismiss that. Always go with the gut. Hope it works out ok xx

hi holy yes we are in a similar position,and hope all is well your end,so,scary for you on tue?how does dd feel about going to a different school?she ok?
so special schools have those charts everywhere to?
yes i need to go with my 1st gut feeling,i need to take myself back to that.....and decide x

DD is quite excited about new school fingers crossed this one works out if not we have the option of medication and then if that fails we have a special school lined up.
Good luck Crazy I am sure you will make the right decision and if for any reason you aren't happy with your chosen school you can always move your DS.