Am I the onley one who feels this WAY?!

[samira837]

Hi hop that this won't shock you to much.
I have 2 boys ds 1 nearly 4 and ds2 who is 2, ds 1 was diagnose with asd a couple months a go and ds 2 was diagnose with epilepsy and left side hemi syndrome not long after...hmm.. Dose anyone feel like there must be something wrong with them self and that's way my kids have SN?!

Don't know if its because I am at my cousin who have a dd who is 1 year younger then my ds1 and don't have SN that I can see how much my kids are behind I don't want to compare as every child is different ect but can't help but do!! Feel really guilty about it!!

Don't be too hard on yourself. I feel like that sometimes. I'm sure everyone does. It used to break my heart when I heard much younger children than my dd chattering away, doing things far out of her reach. I feel it less sharply, and less often, now she's older (9), but I'll always have times when I just feel it's deeply unfair, why us? etc. You just love your children and want to make it 'all better'. There's nothing wrong with you.

Happy New Year to you & your boys, I'm sure you're a lovely mum & their best asset!

Hi Samira. Know the feeling but in my case it really is cos of me lol. I am a carrier of Fragile X syndrome and unknowingly gave it to two of my kids, my boys. My girls are fine, had them first and had both boys before getting eldest diagnosed so i didn't know of course but it don't stop the guilt at times.

Logically i know it's not my fault but my heart tells a different story.

I worried endlessly because DS2 has disabilities, and when I was pregnant with him (but before I knew I was pregnant), I took medication that you're not supposed to take when pregnant as I'd had my appendix out (again, whilst pregnant but not knowing it). I thought that I had taken meds that caused his disabilities. The consultant stated that as we hadn't known I was pregnant, there was no way to avoid it, and I stopped taken them as soon as I knew, but it's always there in the back of my mind.

But really, you can beat yourself up, wondering if you've done something, but what good does it do? It's not going to change where you're at. I do find these thoughts tend to hit when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Thx everyone now I know that I'm not the only one that feel this way!!
Just need 2 stop and look at what I have 2 beautiful and loving boys and that is more then some ppl have!

Just have 2 remember that God don't give u more then u can handel, and that everything is for a reason!

Thx XXXXXX

Exactly Samira.
I read a story somewhere, some mag or other, years ago (before i had kids) and for some reason it stuck with me.
Anyway the much shortened, edited version of it was a lady at the zoo with her severely disabled daughter in a wheelchair, a woman keeps staring at them. The mum loses the plot and shouts out can't you find something else to stare at, she's not a freak.
lady says Oh I do apologise, I was just thinking how very lucky you are to have such a beautiful child. You see I can't have children and would dearly love one.
I always think of this story when i'm feeling a bit crappy about the boys being the way they are

Samira - I totally know what you are saying, I feel like this all the time. Constantly thinking why us and did I do something wrong in the pregnancy etc etc. When I have these down moments I then remind myself there is always someone worse off and that I should be grateful for having 2 lovely boys.

Unpa - I love that story about the zoo. It's so true, dh's cousin can't have children, she was so desperate to have a child and tried IVF and still couldn't. I can't imagine what that must be like.

Xxx