Encouraging ds to join cubs.

[voodoobarbie]

For those of you with children on the Autistic Spectrum how do you encourage them to join groups, activities etc? do they enjoy them?

DS has tried Karate I thought it may help his motor and social skills, was a total failure. Private piano lessons were a failure although he is now having them in school.

I would really love him to try cubs as I think they will be very inclusive but every time I mention it to him he kicks off.

As he is getting older (7) he is becoming even more withdrawn. He doesn't mix at all in school complains if we have visitors and even on Christmas day within five minutes of being at my mums he was complaining to go home. He spent the whole time alone in my sisters bedroom.

When we do go anywere I have to give him plenty advance warning and show him on the internet (National Trust or theme parks).

Other than these outings he doesn't venture out of the house apart from school, he doesn't even play out in the summer even though we have a garden full of outdoor toys. If Igo out with him he will play for 20 mins and that is it.

DS started Boys brigade when he was 7 (ish). It was the best thing he could have done (versus cubs etc) as it happened to be run by a lady who worked as a special needs teacher. She was quite happy that the first time he went he spent it sat under a table the whole time. Then the next time she coaxed him out for a short time etc to join in the drawing. The whole time he was there she never made him do the team games, but just occasionally he did them voluntarily etc.
Karate was terrible for him - he spent most of the time spinning on his bottom, although he did enjoy practising his kata with me afterwards.
Fencing he really enjoys, again I put it down to the leaders, when he started crying and panicking on the first session in the warmups as he didn't know what to do one of the leaders helped him one on one to know exactly what he had to etc.
So for us it has definitely been the leaders that have made an activity accessible rather than the activity itself.

it sounds just like my daughter she is now 14 i have tried all sorts of clubs but unless it is something they want to do you cant make them. but try to do as much as you can with him outside the house i wish i had as now daughter is having panic attacks at once a day social situations are a nightmare.

If he really doesn't want to do it, I personally wouldn't make him.

I just think he'll hate it, and therefore won't help him.

Do school run any social skills club? Or pyramid club?

Are there any children that he likes to play with that are also in cubs? Perhaps he could "tag along" to cubs one time and see how he likes it.

I have the opposite problem here. DS2 wants to do an afterschool club, however, without either a 1:1 FT there or me there, it's just not possible. And I obviously can't drag my 2yo there. So we're a bit stuck on that. Perhaps when he is a bit older.

The problem could be that it is so exhausting for him just to get through the school day and he just needs to shut down when he gets home.

Dd3 goes to Brownies but in order to get her to stay I ended up volunteering [I also do Guides so was kind of involved anyway].

This is not an ideal situation but she has gradually got to know the other girls and joins in with most things. She is a good organiser [bossy] so has now become a sixer, she needs lots of support from other leaders but she has done really well. She has even been away for 2 nights this winter with them and I didn't go.

I am not saying that you should run down and sign yourself up but it is something worth considering in order to help your Ds access the stuff that is on offer at Cubs.

My DS started cubs when he was 6 in June. There are children from around 3 schools that attend the colony. He has only just decided that he will invite another boy round to play. He is in Y2 and has never had anyone from school home as he doesn't want to. This boy goes to another school. It is a massive step for him and he is getting a lot from it like he was chosen to light the advent candle at church parade. That filled him with pride and he had to get up in front of the congregation to do it which was brave. Our leaders are all employed in schools in various capacities like TA, lunchtime supervisor etc. He can wear ear defenders if necessary and he won't attend parades in town until he feels ready and they are fine with that.

You could give it a try. We didn't have to decide whether he was staying for 4 weeks all of which were free before he took his promise.

oh i have tried lots of clubs,ds crazed me to go to,and hes only ever there a week or two when he says,i dont like it and dont want to do it anymore,ive always excepted that off him,never forced him to go back,but in november after a yr long waiting list we got him in gymnastics which he really wanted to do,after they took £80 off us,ds said after 1 week,i dont want to do it anymore!!i think the fact the instructer put him out 5 times for mucking around didnt help! i was so angry,but didnt force him to go back either,he seemed fairly set he would go back....£80 bloody pounds before xmas tho,i wasnt happy,
so we are not sending him to any more,well not yet anyway,we will give it a yr maybe then see,ds is 7,xxx

Thanks for all your replies it has given me lots to think about.

We always have a bedtime chat and he told me he doesn't want to go because of the uniform and because they do apple dunking he must have seen the apple dunking on a tv prog.

I have talked him into giving it a try.

It is my New Years resolution to get him out of the house more. As long as I say "we are going the park, play rounders" not "would you like to go the park," etc I can get him out. He tends to get upset and lately for an easier life I have tended to let him stay at home. I know long term though I am not doing him any favours.

There has never been any apple dunking at any of DS' cubs nights you can reassure him :)

hi no getting him out is the best thing to do i wish i had done that as my daughter who is now 14yrs suffers deadful panic attacks

We did apple dunking at brownies, for halloween once but it was totally choice. No one would be forced to do something that they didn't want to do.

Gently encouraged to join in but never forced.

Glad he has decided to give it a go.