Toilet/Potty Training

[mumineedawee]

Hi. Could do with some advice and/or friendly input.

My 4 year old hasn't go a dx, but is 'in the system' awaiting investigation and assessments.

He is considered to be global developmental delay, but has asd traits too.

I know that we'll be going through assessments, etc for a long while, before any real useful help comes along, but could really do with toileting help.

He has none of the usual ready for toilet training signs. He never goes into a corner/puts head down/stops what he's doing whenever he is pooing. He does know after that he has a poo in his nappy. He doesn't show an interest in what his siblings are doing in the toilet.

When he was 3.5 on the advice of the hv, I let him run about nappy free for a week to try and train him then. The whole house was involved, lovely potty, etc. He never produced anything on his potty. Wee, etc just came down his legs, he just laughed and carried on regardless!!

I took a week off work 2 months ago and gave it another go. It wasn't a disaster, in that it didn't upset him, but he didn't connect in any way with toileting.

The reason I am here today, is that we have an appointment for next week with the dev paediatrician, and I know that she will probably ask if I have tried properly ( I have been asked this before), and I want to be sure that I have.

I just feel that he has no 'sense' of needing to go, it just happens, much like when a baby just goes.

He is very far behind in alot of areas, so I am not surprised that he has this issue. I feel a bit judged by health professionals (not to mention the wider family, friends, etc!!), but not sure what I can do. He is a lovely little boy and is adored by us, and gets on (in his own way!) at preschool, at the park, softplay, and generally is a smiley, giggly, happy child.

Any advice? Thanks.

Hi my 4 year old son has a dx of development delay and also sli so I understand fully where your at with the toilet training as before we started training him I thought he would always be in nappies. On the advice of a professional I put it off as I was told to wait until he had more speech as at the beginning I was told it was speech delay he had,now we know it is sli so more than just speech delay. Anyway when he was due to go to mainstream nursery at age 3.5 I decided to try. It was hard at first as like your son he showed no interest in the toilet or needing to go. I started off by using pull ups and pecs cards so he could indicate when he needed to go but that didnt work as he would just place the card on top off the toilet thinking we were playing a matching game and the pull ups confused him as he thought they were a nappy, I didnt use a potty either as I didnt want him to learn twice because once he got used to the potty it would mean starting to learn him to use the toilet. In the end I just put him in underpants and took him to the toilet frequently, he didnt like it at first and there was accidents but after about 2 wks he started to understand. Now he is 4.5 and has a fantastic toilet routine(I dont even have to remind him to wash his hands anymore). He is still behind in a lot of areas but step by step he is slowly progressing so im glad we potty trained when we did as its one less thing to worry about especially with him attending ms. I know this is long but hope it helps.

our pead said at the last meeting if kids aren't toilet trained by age 5ish, they generally don't ever get toilet trained.

That made me try again (for the 1000th time)
on this occaison he casually just went along with it, he's nearly 5 and only wears nappies at night.
WOW.

So you never know when they might just be ready

Aim at a small stage - the first might be that he tells you when he's just gone.

And the second stage might be that he runs to the bathroom when he feels he's going

And the third stage might be that he stands by the toilet when he is going

and the fourth stage might be that he sits on the toilet with a nappy on when he's going

blah blah.

The timescale and the actual steps in question would depend on his developmental readiness, but if you can think of one thing that is small enough to be achievable as a tiny and stressfree step, go for it!

i have a hypermobile dd who did not train until 3.8 and still isn't reliable. not the same cause, but syympathies for the "blamed by family/frriends/nursery" feeling. she just did not know it was coming, and still does not always at 5.

ds has toddler diarrhoea... differrent reason, same feeling. going to try the advice above.

My ds was finally trained aged 9 so don't let professionals put you off! I think it does take a lot longer than with NT children and therefore is very hard to do. With my dd it took about 3 weeks to start to gte the hang of it (ASD also) but less severe. With ds, very severe, it took his school about a year to get him totally reliable, although he had started to make progress after about 6 months. Don't feel pressured by paed though. He or she is not the one having to cope with it. If you don't think he's ready then wait.

There are several reasons why children do not get the 'build up' feeling of needing to go to the toilet. The not knowing when they have done something can also be an initially learnt response of denial which then becomes an automatic response.
I agree with ommmward - small stages. Also make sure that you follow a sensible toileting plan, that becomes a routine. 15 -20 minutes after mealtimes, getting up and going to bed. Get him to sit on the toilet for a reasonable amount of time - using something he enjoys (book, DS etc) to make sure he stays there sitting. Do the whole routine from opening door, switching light on, trousers down/up, cleaning self, washing hands etc - with whatever assistance is needed.
Ignore comments from others. If they have had a child that has potty trained at an age appropriate time they will have no idea of what you are going through. Do they honestly think you would want to have a child not potty trained for any longer than necessary? The expense, inconvenience etc.
I have 3 DS. DS1 potty trained at 3.7 - dry at night 7. DS2 wears pants during day, but still soils and has no knowledge of doing it - age 6.9 yrs. DS3 still in pull-ups, has no knowledge of soiling - age 4.6 yrs. With both DS2 and 3, they were dry from peeing from a relatively early age. It's just the soiling. They will take themselves off to the toilet when they need to do that - the routine is all there for when they recognise the urge to go. They also do no. 2s on the toilet too after meals as part of the routine - but that is more to do with being at the right place at the right time!
Good luck