Stressed and climbing the walls

[Triggles]

Sorry to vent, but I am coming unglued today. I've literally been up all night coughing, and up more frequently than normal with DS2 due to his chicken pox over the last few nights. Because it's stressing me out, I am having difficulty falling asleep at night (which is how my body seems to respond to stress - insomnia).

DH is at work. I have practically no voice, and it hurts unbelievably to talk, plus it kicks off another coughing fit. I'm living on cough lozenges, which is not doing any favours to my stomach (or most likely my teeth!). DS2 is relatively cheerful, but will not stop talking and asking me questions. DS3 is demanding and cranky, and if he wants something, he just will not stop shouting and demanding until he gets it.

I've had to put my foot down a couple times this morning when DS3 was getting stroppy over something, and it has not been pretty. God, I will be so glad when he gets past this terrible twos tantrum stage!!!

In the meantime, I am constantly fending off DS2, who will keep repeating his comment or question over and over until I answer it, then immediately move on to another. And telling off DS3 who wants everything he can't have this morning for some reason. And the coughing and sore throat just gets worse and worse and I get more and more frustrated and stressed.

If DS3 asks for a banana one more time, I may lose my marbles and run screaming out of the house. We are OUT of bananas. An oversight caused by the holidays, a sick child, and an ill me.

you poor thing. Boots have a cough bottle for night time coughs and it knocks me out. Had a great sleep despite its green colour (god knows whats in it!). Do you have any friends/family you could call on to come entertain your kiddies?

Unfortunately, I can't take anything that knocks me out. DH is on A/Ds and they are sedatives, so he's already out cold during the night. I am the one that has to get up with the boys during the night. Thank you for the cough bottle suggestion though. If I had a clear path to take it, I would, just can't.

Just MIL, but I don't want her to catch this cold, as she is elderly and already has some health concerns. Honestly she would come over if I asked her to, but I'd feel dreadful if she caught it.

I'm just feeling sorry for myself as I just feel miserable and stressed. DH offered to stay home from work today and watch the boys, but he's just gotten back into the swing of work again after being off for an extended time due to depression and I'm loathe to encourage him to call in. Plus, he's not the most patient when it comes to the boys, and I'd end up still watching the boys and making sure he's not losing his temper constantly. Not much help there. (We're still waiting for his counselling to start - supposed to start at end of February. sigh)

The combination of holidays, DS2 ill and somewhat demanding, DS3 2yo and demanding just because, and me ill and lack of sleep is a bit overwhelming all at once.

maybe you should get a docs appointment. My sore throat only cleared with a course of antibiotics.
How about a linctus to soothe your throat and stop you coughing? Oh and plenty garlic.
With lots of caffeine.

wondering what lovely meal I could think of that requires loads of garlic that I can still eat with my sore throat. Pasta sounds good. Will look into that for tea tonight (or a late lunch).

And coffee. I'll need it anyway and I'm struggling to stay awake.

oh FFS!! DH just came home from work and threw a strop because the boys immediately got demanding with him when he came in. Yeah, I've been dealing with it all morning since before 6am, and he comes unglued after 2 seconds of it. Just charming. Massive row. No point expecting support from him. His comment "well, when do I get a break, I've been working!!" Um... and when is MY break?!?!?! He at least had 7 hours of sleep last night, which is about 5 more than I had. But his comment? "It's not MY fault you're sick!"

Apparently his part time work is oh so much more difficult than my 24hour/day childraising/housecleaning stint.

OMG I cannot take this. I cannot call MIL as he will strop even worse. So now I have THREE children to watch over... 2 children and a fucking stroppy nasty adult who thinks only of himself. Lovely... just what I needed.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Right, ignore his childish rants. Can you go for a nap? Tell him he is looking after the kids while you go rest as yes you are not well

Nope. cannot nap, as he will spend the entire time ranting and shouting at the boys. DS3 just up for his nap, but DH tends to be much more impatient with DS2, who is still a bit OTT with chicken pox and due to SNs he just doesn't know when to stop.

I'm stuck now. Cannot do anything to look after myself now. Argh.. cannot even go upstairs to change clothing as DS3 knocked over my diet coke (sipping as it was cold and helped the throat) all over my trousers and the sofa, while DH was shouting.

I'm in the dining room with DS2 right now as I cannot deal with DH at the moment. DS2 is whinging up a storm because "I'm hungry" and "I want to play with something" and so on....

The "cannot go upstairs to change" is because then DS3 will wake up (creaky stairs) and then he will be miserably cranky all afternoon....

oh dear. Deep breathing. you are probably exhausted.

At the moment it is taking all my will power not to just literally kick DH out and be on my own with the boys. The only thing stopping me at this point is I don't want to deal with the nightmare of visitation, as I can't trust him to be alone with the children - he is shouty and nasty to them, and they (especially DS2) can't cope with it. Due to his depression, I would be worried he'd snap and hurt one of them. (that sounds awful, doesn't it? sigh) Plus, DH is incredibly forgetful and lax (another side effect of the depression) and tends to let safety things slip, which puts DS2 in danger.

I've already checked benefits. The amount of money coming into the house would literally be the same, so it's not like it would be an issue there. And I am already dealing with everything myself anyway, so no change there. Just I guess the huge concern about visitation stopping me right now. The idea of letting DH take both boys for a visit when I know he'll just spend the whole time shouting at them makes me feel ill.

My DD just called and wanted me to babysit on NYE. Not happening. Good grief. She KNOWS things are all over the place right now. What was she thinking?!?

do you have any respite?

No, and to be fair have never really needed it, as DS2 is in school during the day.

Can I get respite from DH? Perhaps send HIM somewhere for a few days?

?

triggles, can you send dh out for bananas and some honey and lemon stuff?

god, no. I wish. He'll just complain that he's been working all day and doesn't want to then walk down to the store to pick up stuff.

He's complained today that he never gets any consideration or respect and that I treat him dreadfully. What utter nonsense. I calmly pointed out everything I do and all the measures I've had to put in place so that he's not left with the children as he cannot cope with them, as well as the cleaning and paperwork for SNs stuff, appointments, budget/bills, debt issues, etc etc, keeping track of everything, including when the dog need his flea treatment for god's sake. And he has to do what... work part time and help out with the cooking (as it's no point me trying to cook when I have to keep going back into the living room as he's shouting at the boys again).

Just not in a good place today I think.

It's never ending, Triggles. I don't know how you do it. Just to reaffirm, it is possible to do it alone. Where would D H go? To mil? If the kids visited him there would that be safer? I don't think I could put up with all the crap, maybe that's why dickhead left?

On the flip side of that, my god, DS2 & DS3 are ALWAYS hungry?!?! Is that normal? I'm beginning to suspect a tapeworm! DS2 is especially bad, although he is so skinny, I think he burns it all off.

maybe the boys have hollow legs my ds1 is a bit like that. Triggles you are doing brilliantly however crap things are at the moment!

Hmm, DS3 is the only one who is always hungry, and he's the chubbiest of them.

All I hear from morning to night (and in the middle of the night) is "i'm hungry" from DS2. And he is persistent... it's just repeated over and over.

do you think it's become a habit more than an actual need to ask for food?

Sort of a verbal stim? Sometimes it just means 'I'm bored, pay me attention.'

not sure. He actually does eat when you give him food. I think he's just a nibbler or grazer instead of one who will sit and eat meals. he cannot sit still and eat a whole meal.