school meeting on the 1st monday back,advise please?x

[crazygal]

hello everyone,
hope all had a lovely xmas,we did! x

as the school holidays approached the teacher in ds (7) class called me in to say we should have a meeting the 1st monday the dc are back,
ds isADHD,poss aspergers,hes had a difficult year and is and will remain excluded from the playground for the safety of others,(ds is aggressive if anyone stands to close to him or wont play his way etc)

the teacher says she wants to be able to help us alittle more and can see that we are struggling with the "whole" thing....
she wants to discuss ideas,what does and doesnt work at home/school etc.
she will have ta's in there,ht and senco,which is soooo great!!!!
what i need to ask is,what should i expect from this meeting?
ds meets his iep mostly,but they are for academics,can i get her to change it to behaviour?
i dont have camhs or anyone,(im still learning this whole new world)
should i ask for them?i just dont know what to say tbh....
i could do with some advice please,
ds is getting reassessed for aspergers in feb,
he hasnt got a statement,
ht has mentioned that its something we should look into,altho she thinks we wont get it...

think about what works for ds at home and how school could put that into practice. How does he feel about being excluded from the playground? That seems a shame - does he get a chance to run off his steam?

he was excluded around 2 weeks before they broke up,
i asked him at the end of the 1st week of exclusion,how do you feel about it?he said "good,coz im not getting in trouble",the 2nd week i asked him twice,the 1st time he said "i dont want to talk about it",so i left it,the next time i asked he got angry with me and said "i told you im not talking about it!"
dh came in later and asked him about his day,and he said 'everyone came in from lunch and asked me why i had to sit indoors' dh asked him what did you tell them,ds said because i hit people,ds said everyone was looking at me.
hes not getting his energy out,no,and that worries me as he needs to let off steam,i suppose i could talk about that to them,yes?

poor ds He needs his play-time and he's also being denied a chance to socialise. They will have to find a way round it.

His IEP should only be about the things he has problems with. So def can be about behaviour. If he's not having academic problems he shouldn't have academic targets on his IEP.

Not being in the main playground at lunchtime can work - but that doesn't mean he should be stuck in the classroom by himself.

He should be inside with one or two other children, and they should be somewhere else besides his normal classroom, and pref :) they should have a TA with them helping them with their social skills.

And he will still need a chance to run around at lunchtime.

Does he have all the normal things for ADHD? Fidget toys, move n sit cushion....

He should be allowed lots of oportunities to move in class. Ie handing out books. Fetching stuff for the teacher. And lots of lifting heavy things, so stacking books etc.

Be prepared for the school to ask you whether you'll medicate him.

Insist they apply for a statement. Sure it'll probably get turned down. They should still apply.

And you should get him on decent multivitamins if he's not already.

I agree with Indigo tho I am concerned about bring excluded from the playground as it sounds indefinite - is it? If so I would challenge this as there are strategies they could (and should) try for managing his behaviour at playtimes - especially morning play which will be supervised by teachers and/or tas. Happy to give ideas to suggest if needed but I'm sure they will have got good ideas too.

thanks indigo....his iep has things like,forming letters correctly,counting backwards from 20 etc...only one behaviour bit on it and thats to stand in a line without hitting,(which hes not even allowed to do now)
when he is indoors at lunch,he sits in the hallway of the school by himself,and is near the staff room,they give him colouring,puzzles etc...they said theres always a member of staff around,and ds seems very happy to be there.
she said after xmas they might allow him to have a mate indoors with him,but is that fair on someone else to have to sit indoors??
i agree he needs to run about,he needs alot of that!
they do not have fidget toys or cushions,i offered to buy them some and they said no...it just wont work with him,it will be more of a distraction to him!
as for moving about in class,teacher mention this,and that will be discussed....
as for meds,i think thats something i will have to be abit more open minded about and maybe have to consider....
i have asked them to apply for the statement and they said they will get an ep in in jan to start the ball rolling,they say alot depends on what he says...
we have been looking into vitamins alot!! a friend of mind,whos practice is open in the new year sells good vitamins,she is also a gp,so i will get them off her

purdicles...yes he is excluded indefinite...i have mixed feelings about it,at first i was gutted for him,but then i was glad,as he wont be in trouble and we wont have any calls,or parents complain..then i go back to being gutted for him:( i agree with you,i think thats something i will ask them to do,maybe monitor him in the playground,
and yes i am more then happy for more ideas there as i want this meeting to go well with plenty of ideas for them
thank you xxxxx

Staying inside has to not be a punishment. He has to have the coolest toys so that other kids want to be allowed to stay inside and play with him.

Colouring-in doesn't sound right. He needs a space hopper and a mini trampoline and a skipping rope.....

You don't have an attached nursery whose playground is empty at lunchtime do you? Or a reception outside play space?

yes there is a nursery next door....what a good idea!!!!

you apply for that statement that way you know what progress has been made.

My lad has an asd trained 1:1 for lunch whom the autism advisory service help to devise new games, and skills to work on so that over time ds
a/ feels included with his peers
b/learns the social & communication skills he needs for life.
Targets are set and measured against.

I've heard of kids for whom 2:1 has been needed for playtime. Isolating a child like this risks making the child feel like an outcast and damaging their self esteem over time. It isn't an acceptable long term solution.

Education is way more than the 3R's. Inclusion should be just that - can you ask the school to provide similar provision to that which my lad has. Play is a critical childhood component for NT brain development.

i was told by parent partnership that if i apply for a statement i wont get it,that its better from the school???
i would prefer to know were i am with it tbh...
i will certainly talk to them about him being kept indoors at lunch,as his aggression has being mounting even more since..

'i was told by parent partnership that if i apply for a statement i wont get it,that its better from the school???'
that's not true at all.

The crucial recommendation you need to get a statement is the EP.

If school are getting this done in Jan, you need to see what it says.

Hopefully he'll recommend a statement :) And then school will apply.

If he doesn't recommend one, you won't get a statement easily - but you'll have nothing to lose by applying yourself.

Make sure the EP knows that DS is not allowed to stand in line with the others, or to play with the others.

These are crucial things which might help him to recommend a statement.

ok thank you,and yes the ht did say if the ep says "hes ok",then it will be very difficult to get a statement,x

Maybe write a letter to the EP, and discuss it with the HT / SENCO, and make sure everything in it is passed on to the EP?

For a child in my class who had difficulties at playtime we tried a few things first we ran play sessions with supportive peers who could be a good role model and talked through and acted out different situations which could lead to an argument or na inappropriate physical response; we kept the child next to the adult in duty with 1 minute 'blasts' at the end of which he returned to the adult and depending on his behaviour was allowed to go more frequently and for longer (over a period of weeks). Obviously this may not be appropriate for your ds but I think it is crucial that his exclusion from the playground isn't extended and he is given a chance to learn how to engage with his friends and peers. Hope I don't sound preachy.... Let us know how it goes too!

I got a statement despite the school and lea EP saying he didn't need one. (Woman thinks DS is "too intelligent to have aspbergers or asd"). I then got statement significantly improved to include things like the lunch time support at Tribunal. You have more rights to appeal if you apply yourself + it's easier to check on the progress of the application. Knowing what stage my applcation was at reassured me.

Lea staff (from schools to EP's to parent partnership) are all encouraged to dissuade statement applications to relive pressure on funding and resources. A statement application also forces the EP to come in to see your child in a timely manner - the statutory deadlines mean they can't put it off for months etc.

Think about it - do you envisage your 16 year old still spending his lunch hours alone in a corridor? Learning to get along with your peers is a crucial skill in the most lowly workplace. What the school is suggesting is at best a short term solution while the powers that be come up with a longet term solution to helping your child. Don't let them kick the can down the road.

I used to take DS for an hours run everyday with the dog to work off a bit of excess energy, would this help his behavior as I'm concerned that without the opportunity to work off a bit of steam the school are gonna get some nasty afternoon melt downs in the near future. All children (even the NT) need a good 60 mins excercise per day for general health, quite a few need more.

I won't lie - the whole thing from my first application to Tribunal took 18 months and I NEVER want to go through it again, but if I as an ordinary single Mum can do it so can others. My son's life chances have significantly improved.

My advice to you is to get EVERYTHING you possibly can in writing. Keep minutes of all meetings, even if school don't, summarise phone calls with an email follow up etc. Ask for copies of all ieps etc. If I'd known to do this it would have made things run a lot more smoothly as it's amazing what can "disapear" from the official school file and medical records when it suits these people.

no you dont sound preachy at all!!
it is something i want to discuss in this meeting,and i need to be strong and confident! as over the last two years the school havent wanted to hear or listen to me and every chart/toy/idea i gave them was soon knocked back,even when the ep was in last yr for ds he gave them charts etc to use and they never used them,saying stuff like that just dosent work....
however since he went into yr2 his teacher,and ht has being so good,taken on my ideas,listening and understanding me,and it was her idea to do this meeting,she siad to me,im guessing your not over happy with alot of stuff?i said no,not really...she said well i want you to be happy and i think theres alot more we can do to make ds happy too :) i cried when she said that,she said some of the ideas and charts you have made are abit complex for ds,but we would like to use them in the school, :)
i told her ds is always in trouble and alot of it is predictable....she asked that i show her how i manage to distract him from trouble,before it happens,i can see it a mile away,i suppose she cant as she has a large class,and theres were a 1-1 should come in for him,
i like your idea of supportive peers,ds is hard to get threw to though! everything is everyone elses fault! and this is a problem....
so your saying the child you worked with was allowed out to play for around a minute at a time?then built up longer?
teacher has said they need to think of ways to introduce the play ground again at some point,
(ds hits and thumps peoples heads and faces,and really hurt a little girl,who ended up bleeding from her head)
thank you for your tips xxx

He was allowed out for the whole play but to begin with had to stay with an adult (at lunchtime he stayed with an understanding and supportive dinnerlady for consistency - they got on well and this really worked as they built up a relationship). He would be released for a minute to play but would have to come back to the adult straight away for time out then after a few mins would be released again. Hth!x