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SN children

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Original poster

feeling low and annoyed with school

27 replies

coff33pot · 14/12/2011 11:59

DS has been off for two days with a high temp he has a cold coming. He woke up this morning after a difficult night awake and said suprise! He had put his uniform on :)

Said to me I want to give my cards out at the school party mum. I wasnt sure because he is white with bags under his eyes and lips are red raw with cold bless him but he was adamant that he needed to do this job. And this is the first time he has wanted to go school let alone go to a party.

And so I walk him through hail wind and rain which he is scared of and take him to school. Get in there and DS asks the TA do we have xmas dinner today? TA said we had that yesterday. Oh said DS with a sad face. Then he said I got my cards for the party mrs x. TA replies party is tomorrow but it is in the afternoon and you wont be here I will give them out for you :(

DS said "why?" and looks at me. He is part time and so I pick him up after diinner. I had no answer to give him and he was ushered into class very confused and upset let alone poorly.

I hate christmas right now and I am disgusted and the tactless TA :(

OP posts:

calamityboo · 14/12/2011 13:06

Call the head and just say that you have been told that ds is not invited to the party, this is a bit surprising as you assumed all children would be included and ask if i is possible for him to join the celebration, also (if possible work etc) yourself as extra help (incase they say they dont have the staff) point out that he would love to celebrate with his friends and would be really upset to miss out, also casually drop in to the conversation that the TA could be a little bit more tactful when dealing with the little ones. Thats what i would do, but when my ds1 (who is also sn) was at school they were brilliant and all children were included.

appropriatelytrained · 14/12/2011 13:26

It is so upsetting when these people don't even think to include your child.

My son's last school were just the same. When we flexi-schooled, they forgot to include him in lots of things. When he returned, they even forgot to make sure he had the necessary letters for school trips etc as he was usually out of the class by the end of the day with a TA when the letters when the letters were handed out. TA couldn't be arsed making sure he went too.

In fact one day, we turned up a little later after an OT's appointment to find his whole class had gone on a school trip (with his TA!) that they never even told us about.

The new school have already invited DS to their Christmas party and Christmas meal and he doesn't even start there until January.

Do you think the head will listen to you on this? Do you think things might change? Is this a one-off or representative of a broader problem? Is this the right school for your DS?

I would ask yourself these questions because, as difficult as they are, you do not want to spend months and months banging your head against a brick wall and achieving nothing while both your DS's and your stress levels mount.

Original poster

coff33pot · 14/12/2011 14:23

Well I stewed all morning and by the time I picked him up after lunch I was on a mission.

He is going to the party. Asked where the HT was and was told she was eating her sandwiches. Tapped on door and caught her with a mouthfull which was an opportune moment. as said apparently DS is not invited to his class party tomorrow which is a shame seeing as we chose cakes already. Is this true as if so I do not intend to bring him in the morning so he can see all his classmates dressed up and excited and I would like you to help me by telling him WHY he cant go.

The HT said he can of course stay

DS came out of his class with the TA and I had delight in telling him that he has been invited to stay to the party by the HT. TAs face was a picture.

The school is nice but they are tactless at times. I had the same with the school photos. Photographer there all day but because his class was afternoon it didnt enter their heads to slip him in of the morning with another class. So his sister has photos to give to nanny and DS is saying he is still waiting for his as far as he is concerned as he doesnt link that he hasnt had his photo taken. My brother is going to take one in his uniform so he is non the wiser :)

OP posts:

Original poster

coff33pot · 14/12/2011 14:26

AT My stress levels are about as high as yours already

Between this statement business (who havent contacted me at all but want it sorted friday) DS second op battle, and I have to sort out Junior school for Sept if they ever sort out statement. Its best I try not to move him at the moment as I dont think I could add another upheaval on my list at the moment.

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OnTheBen10DaysofChristmas · 14/12/2011 14:30

Coff. Pleased you got it sorted but you've put your DS's name in your 14.23 post. Don't know if you want to get it deleted/amended. It never bothers me but I know that it does matter to some people.

zzzzz · 14/12/2011 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

coff33pot · 14/12/2011 14:51

Yesss I da Momma! Did take a few spitting sandwich bits though but it was worth it

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calamityboo · 14/12/2011 15:03

YAY for Coff, so pleased that you sorted it, wish i could have seen TAs face when you told ds he was going to the party!! yes you really are the mamma - we say that in our house to next time this snotty TA tells you anything, check with the school in front of her so she knows you think she is a knob to make sure you have the correct info.

Merry xmas

wentshopping · 14/12/2011 15:08

Yay coff33pot for success re the party. Can you carry it on with a request that you get prior notification of all these events - like a weekly "what's coming up next week" bulletin? I am so shocked that TA just told ds and you "that was yesterday" and "that is tomorrow" - they should be communicating these events with you, just as every other kid's parent would get told in advance. Hope he enjoys his party!

Original poster

coff33pot · 14/12/2011 15:41

Thanks all. Yes I have requested prior warning because ds doesnt like last minute happenings. They get it sometimes but staggard. There were a lot of trips that ds refused to go on due to no prior info and so first they took it that he wouldnt want to go to any. That isnt the case as IF we knew, he would be prepared and I would go with him because I could also plan.

I am just glad that he can go now that he has built up the courage to want to go. Heres hoping there will be many more.

Downside is ...............ive eaten the cake this morning due to being teasy so now got to rush out and get another ooops!

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Triggles · 14/12/2011 19:43

coff33pot so pleased you got it all sorted out and your DS is going to his Christmas party!!

Original poster

coff33pot · 14/12/2011 21:44

Thanks Triggles :) Well he went to bed excited...........came down still excited...........then came down worried because he not been to a xmas party before............then came back down with he is not going if he cant wear his favourite (worn out) fleecey top. So he has now gone to sleep hugging his fleecy top to death so good job they dont crease

I dont mind him going tatty as long as he goes!

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pigletmania · 14/12/2011 21:56

I am coffee glad you went in there and got it sorted for your ds. How awful for your poor ds . On a positive note, my dd started Foundation 2 of her MS school in September, and they have been wonderful. She was on flexi at first, and kept us up to date with everything that was happening in her class, she had her photos, and they were the best ones of her ever . DD loves her TA she is lovely, and always remembers letters for trips and things in her book bag. At the beginning of term dd could not hold a pen, now she does, and has written a couple of words, and loves to do her writing. She can do 35 piece jigsaw without throwing it across the room in a tantrum like before. She has 25 hours a week, so basically one to one, but over just a couple of months the progress she has made has been fantastic , Sorry to hyjack your thread coffee

pigletmania · 14/12/2011 21:56

After half term she started full time and loves it

Original poster

coff33pot · 15/12/2011 00:02

piglet That was well worth hijacking!

That is amazing progress all round! What a great school they sound very hands on and supportive :)

Big virtual pat on the back for your DD and her wonderful progress. I love to hear positive stories :)

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pigletmania · 15/12/2011 00:27

Thanks coff33 she loves school and asks if she can go to school when she is at home . How is your ds, is he now in a different school, thats more supportive? It was the headteacher at dd school and preschool that got dd the statement she needed, she really fought for all the hours dd is getting and I am greateful to her for that, because I can see what a difference it is making. I am dreading when dd finishes that school in yr2 (its an infant school) and moves to the middle school which is not all that great. We will just have to see.

Triggles · 15/12/2011 08:11

coff33pot I had to at your DS having to wear his favourite top to school for the party. DS2 is currently sitting in his Woody shirt (Toy Story), as "I can't go to the party without it mummy!" His Christmas party is today. Good thing it's nonuniform day.

Original poster

coff33pot · 15/12/2011 13:41

He is still at the same school piglet but they have gone up a notch in trying to help :) Its just some of the staff that are thoughtless or keep back tracking to "its a naughty phase" and dealing with him incorrectly. But we are getting there and I have to admit the HT is supportive and as she is senco she plays quite an active role. Right down to going with him on a school trip because she didnt want him to miss out :)

LOL @ the woody shirt Triggles

Well we had a difficult morning. His sensory issues were all over the place. He wasnt going in uniform and I think that started it off. His trousers didnt fit (according to him) They did but it took half hour to work out that he meant they were not tight enough. He now has a thing about wanting everything to be so tight to his body its unreal. He hates "slippy" clothes as they bite him. Same problem with shoes. He has new light up ones, loves the lights but today? NO they dont fit! he says because I couldnt get the velcro straps as tight as he likes. Honestly I swear his feet must go blue!

DH took him and he ran back and said "its ok to wear old stuff isnt it mum?" with such an anxious look. But big hug and a yes from me he was off. Havent had a phone call yet and the party would have started about now

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calamityboo · 15/12/2011 16:27

did he enjoy it? did his feet fall off? is he full of e-numbers or eat his own body weight in glitter and the paper round the cup cakes? did he give out his cards (my heart broke at the thought of him clutching his cards in his little hand and thinking he might not give them out) and is he full of beans from a lovely day?? Please update

Original poster

coff33pot · 15/12/2011 16:50

Yes yes and YES!

Picked him up and the Head said it all went well and they all had a great time.

First time I walked in with all the mums and DS was confused as it was different door but he had this funny cocky smile on his face. He made us chocolate fudge in the morning which we have all just eaten and I tell you he is going to be a great cook :)

Met Father Xmas and said he made sure his order for a 3DS was in. Handed out all his cards and was thrilled that he brought 4 home today :)

And his feet have lovely criss cross imprints on them but not at blue as I expected! And he is bouncing from chocolate cake overload!

DH was in the car waiting for us and went we got in the car he said "Dad today was the best day ever" even DH had a tear in his eye.

Just a minute ago he said "Mum I stayed all day" as if it just dawned on him and then said "maybe I could do it again?" So I am hoping this will encourage him to want to go full time in January as his statement will be operating then :)

OP posts:

OnTheBen10DaysofChristmas · 15/12/2011 19:25

I'm so pleased. Have a great evening!

calamityboo · 15/12/2011 19:46

so pleased! merry christmas!!!!!!!!

Triggles · 15/12/2011 20:00

Oh brilliant!!! So happy that it went well!!

slightlycrumpled · 15/12/2011 20:15

That really is great! Really made me [fcsmile]

slightlycrumpled · 15/12/2011 20:15

I mean bloody phone!

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