Sorry, but I need a serious vent here.
Took DS2 and DS3 to adult DD's house (5 minute walk just around corner from us) today as it's DGS's birthday party.
We arrive on time, she's running late and just finished making their lunch. So she then proceeds to feed herself, her houseguest (old school friend visiting for a few days) and DGS in front of us. She does apologise, but then of course DS2(5ys) and DS3(2ys) say they're hungry. She hands them each a packet of crisps or something similar (cheese crackers or something?) and they finally finish eating about 20 minutes later.
She has a cat, and the cat's bowls and litter box (overflowing with litter ewwwwww whole new thread for that YUCK!) on the floor, in the living room, where we are sitting. We generally go in living room and close the door as she has a dreadfully steep staircase leading from her front door up to her main living area, with no door blocking entrance to it at the top (fire hazard due to backdraft concerns so cannot put door at top according to council). Keeping everyone in living room means we can make sure DS2 & DS3 do not fall down the stairs (important as they both have coordination issues and DGS has a tendency to get pushy when he's having a strop over something).
DD spent the entire time we were there telling the boys not to touch the cat, the food bowls, video games on a shelf at their eye level, stuff strewn all over her desk, etc etc. I also spent the whole time trying to keep them out of everything, as well as the damn litterbox, which (although I KNOW DD knows better!!) was right there where the boys could mess with it. Then DGS starts bossing the boys around, telling them not to touch everything. Then her HOUSEGUEST starts the same thing - telling them not to touch, but they're mostly focusing on DS2, as with the 3 of them all constantly going at him, as well as MIL saying things to him, and me trying to keep him out of mischief, he's not processing ANYTHING! And just getting worse and worse, until he finally had a meltdown.
I took him into another room to calm him down, and DD came in just as I was making progress and said "shall we all go back into the living room then and have a drink?" arrrrgggghhhhhh!! So of course, DS2 wants to go back into living room, and it all starts all over again.
So ... knowing that this is DS2's older sister, who KNOWS him. Wouldn't you think she could have :
1- RANG us to tell us she was running late, so we weren't sitting around for 20-30 minutes while they were eating - incredibly rude and sent DS2 right around the bend!
2- Relocated the cat into a bedroom with it's food and litter box so (knowing both our children are very hands-on.. DS2 due to SNs and DS3 because he's 2yo) it was safely out of the way
3- Realised that having her, her houseguest and her 6yo son bossing around DS2 (when I am talking to him and trying to manage his behaviour at the same time!) is counterproductive.
I'd expect something like that from people that don't know DS2... but it's his SISTER FFS!! I am so steamed right now. I actually said something to her houseguest at one point, because she was getting right stroppy with DS2, which really pissed me off. We left soon after that, as I knew I was going to go off soon and really say something dreadful.
Then, of course, we had DH who still thinks that a lot of DS2's behaviour is simply being a brat - rather than SNs. He gets stroppy and impatient with DS2 all the time, and I'm just about ready to scream. He can't even go up and take DS2 to the toilet without spending the whole time grousing about "hurry up, I'm in the middle of something, come on... " and on and on. And for the love of God, DS2 is all about routine and DH blows it off constantly and then wonders why he has a meltdown!! I am SO TIRED of living with the negativity. It's soul destroying, it really is.
And the stupid therapy appointment he had last week, was an ASSESSMENT. They said they'd contact him in February to make arrangements for the actual therapy to start soon after that!! 
We've only been trying to get therapy for him since before summer!!!!! 
I think I'm just tired of people being stubborn and talking a good game about how they understand he has SNs, then treating him like he is just a naughty child. And I'm tired of being the only one that seems to make the effort to understand him and work within his coping skills at any point. And then I hear "oh, but you're so good with him, he cooperates so much better with you..." well that's because I LISTEN to him and PAY ATTENTION and actually THINK about how things affect him, rather than stomping all over his concerns because they are inconvenient.
Yes. having a bad day. MIL asked me re DH is perhaps he is having more difficulty due to depression getting worse again, and I said "no, he's just being an ass." 
To give her credit, she just nodded and said "oh, okay then, that's fair enough."