Hit a child at first party invited to at pre-school

[Soutty]

Hi all

I'm feeling very down this afternoon. DS was invited to a party at a playcentre. He's been really excited about it. I was vwatching him for about an hour and he was fine then I went to talk to someone and then saw him hitting a little girl who wasn't part of the party. I stopped him obviously and looked around for the little girl's mum or dad as she was upset.

The dad appeared and asked what happened. I told him and apologised. He shook his head at me - I asked DS to apologise to the girl which he did and then told him he would have to leave the party.

So I'm feeling pretty bad as we go to the tent to retrieve shoes and coat and the bithday boy's mum (who I never met before) is being really nice and offering him food etc when the dad appears and just rants at me in front of everyone - what sort of child behaves in such a disgusting way etc. I didn't know what to say besides sorry I was just shaking and after he left to my horror I felt myself about to cry.

DS has not done things like this for a good year. We have just started VBA and treatment for his speech disorder and I felt like things were getting better. Now I just feel like I can't cope. I'm so humiliated and I dread to think what people will be saying about DS now. Not expecting any answers just needed to vent amongst friends really :(

Don't beat yourself, up, it is clear from what you have said that you can, and did cope fine!! What an unpleasant man he was ranting at you like that. All kids do things like this at times. You obviously dealt with it appropriately, so there should have been no issue. I hope you can put it behind you soon.

I honestly don't think anyone will be saying anything about your ds. If it's a pre-school party then I'd probably be more surprised if no-one ended up hitting someone else.

I think the dad was being OTT. You and ds apologised, which is actually a heck of a lot more than most people do. You did brilliantly. :)

Sorry your feeling so bad, but you really shouldnt be HONESTLY!! this man has acted totally over the top, what the hell does he mean "what sort of child"!!! pre school kids (and school age kids for that matter) DO HIT!! (and bite, push and nip!! and bloody HARD) its almost a fact of life!! (regardless of SNs) seriously he needs to get a grip.

Yes of course your DS shouldnt have hit his child, but you apologised and so did your DS, seriously wtf else did he expect you to do?? .

I would like to say, dont worry the other parents wont be talking behind your back, but i know from experience some of them will be however these sort of people dont warrant your upset!! really they dont, the ones that care wont think anything of it. It get easier HONESTLY it really does (((un MN hugs))) .

The other parent, not you or your son, behaved appallingly.

I personally wouldn't make a pre-school child leave a party for hitting - as long as they apologised.

oh dear
sorry to hear you are feeling like this,ive been in the same position once myself,and when the mum ranted at me.i asked her how would you like me to deal with this??what do you suggest? she didnt have alot to say after that,because i done everything that couldve been done,and so did you!
im sure the others wont be talking about you,
open yourself a bottle of vino later
i think you dealt with it really well,xxxx

Thank you I am feeling a tiny bit better already. I did say to him when he accosted me - I'm really sorry, I don't what else I can say or do and he said well there's nothing you can do but it's not good is it? I've never felt so shit in my life.

The mum of the birthday boy and I had been bonding earlier as her son has speech delay too and she has also just started VBA. She was really keen for us to meet and for our sons to have playdates. She's meant to be coming over for lunch on Tuesday. Now I feel so embarrassed as she's probably wishing she'd never suggested that we try to get the children to meet up.

awww she wont be feeling like that,her heart is probably really feeling for you,as she is going threw the same,
as for that arsehole of a man,he needs to get a grip! him and his perfect little angel!
im sure his day will come soon....:)

The mum of bday boy will know exactly how you feel so don't worry! As for the dad it was him that behaved in a disgusting way! Wait til his little angel sinks her gnashers into some kid!!!

The dad was a total arsehole I know. I hope his daughter shows him up one day so that he knows how it feels.

Soutty, please don't feel down. i think you handled this situation brilliantly. I have had one experience of this with my DS (NT) at a mother and toddlers' group. He was hit in the eye by an older boy. He cried because he was shocked but he wasn't hurt. I just gave him a hug and it was all over in seconds. The boy's mum didn't apologise but she was visibly embarrassed. If I had been in her shoes, I would have apologised, but everyone is different, and I certainly didn't expect her apologise to me - there was no harm done, and I think reasonable people know that these things come with the territory with pre-schoolers (NT & SN). Plus, I knew that it could so easily have been me who was having to apologise for something Ds had done. So, I think you acted with grace in apologising for your DS (who sounds absolutely lovely), and the reaction of the parent reflects poorly on him.

Cheer up, the only one people will be talking about is the dad - do he hit another child, all kids hit (I had two children at my ds party both nt try to strangle each other) another stuck his finger in the cake whilst others stamped food and crisps into the floor! No child should hit another but they do - this is in no way a reflection of ds development or lack- it doesn't mean regression. Now I have all fingers and toes crossed that the little girl blows out in public - so everyone can glare at her father.....but what am I saying he will probably hit foot it out of there and leave the mother to deal with it!!!

hehehehehe frizzcat....
i like your post!

Awww no big hugs , the dad was a wanker, what example is he setting for his dd ranting like that. Keep the playdate, it would be lovely for you to make friends and for your ds to make a new friend too, don't be embarrassed. I had to remove dd 4.6 from a playcentre party, as she had a total meltdown, too much noise, commotion. I was so , I know the party mum and she is lovely, one of my friends, but all other eyes were on us.

Hello Soutty, I just wanted to say you only came into the scene you describe at the point he was hitting. I always blamed my DS until one day I did witness great provocation for DS to thump the other child. While I obviously don't condone hitting on this occassion I did not tell DS off. There are always two sides to situations and as our children can't tell us what happened we always think the worst. He can't verbalise his unhappiness so it shown in different ways. If he's not done this for a long time, I'm sure there is more to it.

At that age too as others have said there is a bit of this goes on with NT children. Hope your feeling happier. :)

Ah thanks, yes I am feeling much better today.

Anyway, the birthday boy's mum still wants to meet up so the playdate will go ahead. Now I'm just paranoid that he will hit the other little boy which is silly because yesterday appears to have been an isolated incident but if he does it will just look soooo bad!