Help! DS with suspected Aspergers, SENCO said to me today, he may be asked to leave

[mrslaughan]

OK - so I am falling apart, so please be nice to me!
We have recently moved to the UK. DS is nearly 7 and in year 2...but is miles behind academically because he was in an international school and it was a crap one at that.
He has a history of chronic ear infections and is on his 3rd set of grommets. he has a speech delay, and we have always been under the impression, that the glue ear and ear infections were from this. he has had speech therapy, but on arriving here realized his speech wasn't at the same level as his peers, and started to look into that.
We choose a small family orientated boys school (private - you know the fee paying sort) that says it lets boys be boys, we talked to them about his speech delay, and that he did have behavior problems at his precious school, but that we believed that this had resolved itself.
So the first week at school DS behaved appallingly - so embarrassing......but we weren't in our house yet still in temporary accommodation. Next week he was sick, the following 2 weeks after that, he did really well at school - told by teacher he was just like the other boys...... after that things have been patchy, more good days than bad, but trouble with hitting, becoming aggressive (teacher not sure why), at times refusing to do work. - up until about a week and a half ago, when with all the boys hyped about xmas, he has been having more bad than good. His social skills are behind his peers.
Anyway somewhere along the way, we got an ed psyche involved and speech therapist. Speech therapist hasn't finished her report and he hasn't started therapy - but she rang to say she was concerned about aspergers.....
ED Psych did report which had recommendations, which the school has just started working with a couple of weeks ago. He has some Auditory processing issues apparently.
So today, what started as a casual conversation, but think it was probably planned, I got told that they were concerned about aspergers, that maybe he needs more assessment, to start with, this was if he didn't settle back into class within the first 2 weeks of school.....I told them about what the speech therapist said, and have agreed to take him to privately to a developmental pediatrician...all nice, but then was told,
That he may be asked to leave the school if his behavior doesn't improve, that he may not be able to stay if he has aspergers.
I have made an appt with the pediatrician, it is at the beginning of January, but it seems the process may take a couple of months, I let the SENCO know this and have been told, well after the first meeting we will probably have a very good idea what we are dealing with and should have a meeting with the head of the junior school.
I have been in floods of tears all day - which I hate because I feel so weak...but I have no idea where I stand - can they just kick him out? What are our rights, how is the best way to play this?

I think I am finding this so hard, as we have gone from, "I can see we will get there"...to "he may be asked to leave"

I spent some time in the class this week, and I was not happy with his behaviour, he was like a different child (to the one I know).
I have also started taking him to a kinesthesiologist and started the listening program (this maybe causing him some problems at school this week, apparently they can get worse before they get better)

Find a different more understanding school :(

Find a decent mainstream school with good SEN/SN support. Visit them and speak to them.

You cannot live on a tight rope not knowing if your ds is going to stay or be thrown out just because he could have Aspergers and needs more help. I have no knowledge of private schools but this one seems to want to push your son away rather than help him.

In mainstream you can apply for a statement of needs to help him with or without a diagnosis xx

They are not being fair on your son one iota.

And HUGS for you x

You are doing a lot for your son. Everything takes time here especially the diagnosis route!

His behaviour is probably due to his auditory side of things. My DS also has auditory issues. He works well with earphones on playing music. Some children prefer earphones that cut out the noise and sounds completely. Maybe the school would let you trial that x

As far as I know, you have no rights at a private school. Read the contract, you'll probably find they have the right to ask you to leave.

Our local private school is notorious for kicking students out a couple of weeks before exam entries, so they can maintain their high grade average!

Start looking at other local schools just in case, you might find somewhere better anyway.

Hope it works out ok.

Thanks ladies.....the SENCO did say her role would be to help us find a school(mainstream) with more support. I think she was thinking private - but if and when we move him it has to be right. He is 6 (nearly 7) this is his 4th country and 4th school, plus was home schooled for awhile......changing school I think he will find hard, as for the first time he is saying he loves school

I have no idea what a statement is?

I will think about the headphone, and talk to his teacher in the new year - he is really enjoying the listening program, and I think his speech is improving - it seems to be kind of unlocking a door......however I think it could explain (along with the boys in his class being "feral" or "wild" to quote his teacher in the lead up to christmas) - it does apparently work on the vestibular system - which is sensory stuff - right?

Unfortunately, with a private school they can pick their pupils so if they do not want your son there they can ask him to leave. As mentioned previously look at your local mainstream schools - make some appointments to view them and talk to the SENCO's. You are not weak - you sound like a fantastic mum who understands her son very well. Private schools usually do not want pupils who do not conform to the norm as they will not get funding from the local authority for extra help i.e. Learning Support Assistants.

A statement is a Statement of Educational Needs :)

The school can apply (mainstream) or you can apply yourself. You can do this if you feel your son needs support in school.

eg: He has sensory issues as in auditory and possibly others. It can be put in the statement that your son is to have help by an Occupational Therapist at school. Goes the same for speach and language too.

If he is stuggling to concentrate, stay in on spot, has anxiety issues in the classroom, generally not coping. Then maybe he would do bette with a TA supporting him on a 1 to 1 basis.

All this can be put into a statement and the school have to abide by it. The school can also receive funding to put this in place for him.

Like I said you dont need a diagnosis to get this statement just valid reports that show he is in need of help in his education :)

You are not weak at all. You are doing a great job helping your boy. The school on the other hand seem to be the wrong one for him that is all.

mrslaughan

Otitis Media with Effusion (Glue Ear) is a cause of Auditory Processing Disorder (APD) which is a listening disability, or having problems processing what you hear.
APD is an issue which can cause speech delay. You will need a GP referral to one of the APD assessment centres such as Great Ormond Street Hospital so an audiologist can assess his specific APD disabilities.

Those who have a diagnosis of APD can at times appear Aspergerish, especially if their APD issues are being ignored and not accommodated

Hi mrsl

Can only concur with the others re finding another school (preferably not within the private sector at all); this one is totally wrong for him and cannot and importantly won't meet his needs. Not your fault entirely however, living abroad as you have done put you immediately at a disadvantage re how the educational system works here in the UK.

Many private schools too operate outside the remit as well of the Local Education Authority so they can pretty much do as they like re admissions and exclusions. They can be very much academic based and are not always the best educational establishments for children with special educational needs. I would actually remove him before they give him the push; this is certainly what they are angling at now. I think you're going to have to learn an awful lot very quickly.

You at the very least need to find your son a school who are more undertanding with regards ot the whole area of SEN. They are out there, maks appts with the SENCOs at these schools and get a feel for the place.

I would also think about applying for a statement for him too as this may well go onto make his educational/social life at school a bit easier. IPSEA's website www.ipsea.org.uk is very good at explaining the whole statementing process.

Developmental paed is the usual person who can diagnose AS.

Keep us posted as to developments.

dolfrog - Yes I know about APD, and the speech therapist originally thought thats what it was (though I am not clear if she is actually able to diagnose)...and when you read it, it describes my son - of all the things we have read - that is the one thing that it was like a light going on - it was DS. However then she observed him with his peer group and changed her mind.
The good news is we have an appt with a consultant at GOS - what we have been told, is that we will meet, then he will decide which of the team of 40 specialists DS then needs to see, so if he thinks that needs to be assessed, that will happen.
This morning I am much better - i think - really pissed with the school, as I feel they have pulled the rug out from under me. It's been going along with them telling me "it's fine, we will get there", to "its not fine" and it appears the fact that the process at GOS may take several months is too long for them....FFS!

So where do I start with mainstream schools?, I don't think I can start the statementing process until we have the GOS report......but how do I find out what schools in Hert's (St Albans) have great SN provision, or do it well?
Remember I am new to the UK - so literally have NO idea?

Speech delay is not a feature of Aspergers generally. 'Ordinary' autism (as if there could be such a thing!) this is.
I would investigate his Auditory Processing first. See the Developmental Paed too.

As a SENCo in a mainstream state school I can tell you that there is a better chance of them being able to deal with his issues than a private sector, as long as you choose the right school

Unfortunately, the statementing can take a while BUT the school will endeavour to do as much as they can in the meantime.

Mrs a request for a Statement doesn't have to be supported by a formal diagnosis ... it can be based on your son's needs. Obviously, paed reports etc will certainly assist with any applicaton ... but you don't have to have a dx to apply for one.

Spinkle - what should I be looking for? I have no idea what would make a school good at handling this. My confidence in myself is shattered.
DS is going to be devastated, as for the first time he loves school. When I dropped him off this morning, he was all "hi's" and smiles to the other boys in his class......

I have just looked up what schools we are in zone for, and I will cross reference this with schools that have places - and start there

Look at IPSEA website for info about statementing. They have an advice line as well.
The national autistic society website also has info and advicelines

If he is asked to leave school then the local authority (council - SEN officer) has a duty to provide home tuition after he has been out of school 5 days until a new school is found.
You should alert the council to the situation now.
The council should have a parent partnership officer who can give you advice. If there is a local autism or aspergers group contact them as other parents are the best source of advice on schools.
Of course if it is aspergers then change of routine is likely to create behaviour problems so you don't want to be rushed into a decision and have to change more than once.
There are posters on here from Herts if you start a thread on schools in Herts you will get replies.
this private school takes children with extra needs and may be worth a look.

mrslaughan

Herts is the home of APDUK and I am only one town away.
Speech Therapists are not able to diagnose APD, but they should be involved after APD diagnosis to assess how the diagnosed APD issues affect Speech and Language Development. (Many Speech and Language Therapists are still in the learning process regarding APD)
GOSH is the best referral option for these types of issues.

I thought I would update you all.
I had a very constructive conversation with the head of the junior school about my DS - He is not going to be asked to leave, however he wants us to consider whether it is the best place for him.....but we both agree that we can't have that discussion until we have been to great ormond street.
The discussion happened after we discussed whether DS should attend the school church service today - the head of juniors said that DS at the practice looked in physical discomfort with the noise, was covering his ears, not singing and squirming in his seat.....he felt it was unfair for DS to be put on show, when he was struggling like that with the whole of the parent body - I agreed with him.
Then we got his school report and it is dismal (though you can see they are trying to be as positive as possible), he seems to need support to do everything (though we have gone through patches when at pick up the teacher has said he has worked so hard and done everything on his own...so he can do it at times....but why not others?) He is miles behind academically in every subject. Now some of this will be because he has been at an international school (different expectations), but I have been concerned that his reading is not progressing - he knows the sounds and makes them, but when he makes the sounds of a word (w-h-a-t) he really has trouble then putting those sounds together to make a word. I notice that APD, is often linked with dyslexia..
I could be wrong, but the more I read about APD, and parents observations of their children with this, the more it sounds like my son, but also the more depressed I am.
My belief in myself is shattered, I had always believed my son to be a very bright boy - but perhaps I am just very, very wrong.
I am so pleased that we have the appointment at GOSH....but if he does have APD, what are his education choices, I know there is no cure, but do they get there?
I also started ringing the schools that we are in zone for (post code wise), and have appointments to visit, so that I have done some groundwork, if we do indeed believe that his current school is not the best place for him.

Dolfrog - if you want to PM me - or post here, with any info on schools in the area (that I may not be in post code for) that really have the expertise to help in this area. I believe there is a school in St Albans that has a specialist unit for deaf children....is educating a child with APD the same as educating a deaf child?

mrslaughan

I have APD, since birth, but I had no idea what APD was until I was in my mid 40s, nor that I had lived with it all of my life.
I came out of the education system after having no extra support with 8 O' Levels and 2 A' levels. So provided others are willing to understand the different support needs there should be few issues.
The biggest problem is the ignorance of family, peers, friends, employers, etc not understanding the nature of my disability, and not providing the support accommodations, and support I need.
Some families go into denial regarding these issues, especially due to the genetic nature of these types of disability. You can even see parents in denial on this forum, trying to conceal their own potential frailties, which are part of the family genetic links to the problems they discuss regarding their children.

Being deaf is different from having APD, some of the support provided for the deaf can sometimes improve the overall sound environment, but do do not actually improve the auditory processing abilities. being Deaf is a hearing impairment, APD is about having problems processing all that you hear, all sound based information, including speech. So sign language may help with human communication, but not the sounds of nature, or sound based alarms.
So all who have APD require life long support.

Thanks dolfrog - I do understand it is a different thing to being being deaf.
I wonder if I too am in denial - do I want it to be APD, because I have a problem with it being Aspergers?....I don't know. DS just seems to be too interested in other people and children, seeks them out, asks them to play, but then things don't alway umsey socially.

I fully recognize the genetic link, and if he does have APD, he gets it from me...I did very well in school, but then at university really struggled, sitting in a lecture hall of 200 people, being talked at, with few visual cues, I really struggled to learn....I got past it by writing copious notes, there is something about the physical act of writing what I was hearing that made it sink in. Reading about APD really rang bells for me.