Can you be your own child 1-2-1?

[blueShark]

thinking of doing nvq as I realistically can't return to my demanding career with long working hours so school setting would be ideal so I can drop off and collect the kids.

My question to you experienced people is can the school or lea stop my being my child 1-2-1 considering by some miracle I get a role in the school he is in ir is there some political conflict?

I know someone was trying to get own ABA therapist as 1-2-1 but is it possible for the parent to take that role. I'm prepared to work for free too :)

I am not sure. I used to volounteer years and years ago when my dd was at school but they would never let me help in the classroom she was in then. May have changed now though

I know that in my school a TA can't work in the same class as their DC - so they would say no.

Most schools have loads of TAs who are parents of current kids. And I think it's normal for them to be in separate classes.

Not sure if it'd be the best for DS either.

But you could still try and get a job as a TA......

I suppose you could always try, but would you want to? From a realistic standpoint, I would not want to be DS2's TA at school. First of all, it's FT, and there are 3 TAs that cover it - one does most of the hours, another does 2 afternoons per week, and a third is just brief periods of time for coverage during the week. All of them work well with DS2, and bring their own strengths to the job.

DS2 (like most children) behaves better for the TAs then I suspect he would for me in the same situation. I also need the break, to be fair. School is my respite, and allows me the chance to do things at home so that when DS2 is home I can focus more on him. I have found that often his TAs bring things to my attention that I am not seeing at home, or bring out viewpoints about his behaviours that I may not have considered. I like that as well. I think if I was the only one working with DS2, then my views would be quite one-sided and less objective IYSWIM.

But that's just me.

No. I doubt any school would allow as you'd always put the needs of your child before those of the others in the class.

Ive done it when his own 1 to 1 has been off sick and i wouldnt do it again.Firstly he was horrid for me and really pushing buttons and secondly i need the break from him when hes at school .
Also i think he needs to know mums for home mrs xxx for school so that he can leave the stress from school in the classroom and vice versa.

There is a TA in ds's old school who works in the same class as her son. I don't think many parents are comfortable with it, as it is a large and tricky class but they all trust the judgement of the professionals...

my logic is if he does all the learning in school i can relax when he gets home and will not feel bad about him being behind. he does perform for me and if im his own 1-2-1 other kids in the class should matter, right?

the idea was born when dc2 this morning was over the moon that we spent an hour together, i often forget he is still very young and most of my time is split between the baby and DS1.

sorry about typos writing with one hand only.

Could you afford a 'mother's help' to do some of the therapies with DS1 so that you have a bit of time with DS2?

I'm a TA in my son's special school... several of us are parents there, but we never work with our own children. I think it would be highly unusual, and to be honest, not a great idea. I know I am my son's expert.. but others need to be able to work with him, likewise he needs to be able to trust others:)

He does sometimes say hi to me at playtime tho:)

And if you are his 1-2-1 and he is falling behind, will you not repeatedly beat yourself up over it and feel like you're failing him? He may "perform" for you now, but will he when he is with you at home AND at school?

I also agree that it's important for children to learn to trust and work with other adults.

I could never, ever be my DS's 1:1. (He has a few, I'm one for a different child.) It's too close, I am too emotionally involved. And he needs to be able to work with other people otherwise he may become too dependant one person for home and school. I wouldn't even recommend a child staying with the same unrelated TA for too many years.

So, I think I'm saying 'Nooooooooo! Don't do it!!!'

I personally would not want to work as my dd 121, as she acts differently with me than she does with her teacher and TA, they seem to get a lot more out of her, and her behaviour is much better at her MS school than at home. The same might be for any other parent.

I agree Ellen dd has become too dependent at nursery on a particular TA, so now she is at MS foundation, they vary the TA so that she works with different people.

Good points everyone, I will try and report back :)

I can afford anything for my DS, only if he cooperated and learnt from them, he wouldn't do rr with dh for eg. So it's all down to me, rr, diet, speech therapy..

that's kind of why it needs to be someone else tbh.

he needs to be able to form meaningful bonds with other people. and you need to get dh to step up to the plate more and get way more involved.

what will happen if you are temporarily incapacitated? or need to spend some time in hospital?

part of our responsibility as parents (even of children with sn) is to think logically about their needs, and your own responsibilities.

it's brilliant that you have such a close bond with your child. but for his own sake you need to work with someone else so that he is capable of being without you.

then you can be his mother and his advocate , and the nurse/ therapist/ teacher role can be at least part of the time filled by other people.

fwiw, we had a similar thing with dd2. and to start with she found it really hard, and the 1-1s weren't helping because they were essentially mothering her, rather than fostering her independence. so we asked for the 1-1 to be on a rotational basis, so she couldn't become dependent on a mother substitute.

i'm sorry, but being your own child's 1-1 is a terrible idea on so may levels, no matter how much you are convinced that you are the only person in the world who can do the best for him.

(and you probably are, at the mo, but you need to persevere and get that fixed asap, but letting him get used to other people filling that role)

Thanks for the wise words madwomaninthe attic and everyone else