feel so awful, just had to phone police on adhd/poss autistic son

[sheepgomeep]

I feel like the worst mother in the world..

Basically after many problems with 12 year old ds this week and him being very volatile, tonight after being asked repeatedly and nicely and firmly to come in at half five for his dinner from his friends house (who live behind my house 20 yards away) he almost kicks my front door of its hinges, screams in my face, tells me to fuck off and he's not coming in because I'm a bitch (he could not grasp that he was allowed to go back out to his friends at all, he just couldnt get it although it was explained to him 3 times earlier) He shoves me over in front of the youngerones and tries hitting me.

police came out and to be fair were bloody brilliant. One of the officers son is autistic and was very sympathetic to everything thats happening. He said adhd/autism or not he cannot react like that and told ds so. Ds dad was furious with me and told me that I was out of order by phoning the police but he is the one who overrides me when I'm trying to set bounderies and consequences and actually the police did say to the ex thats was not on at all (ex turned up just after police arrived)

now I will have been referred to social services and i just so worried. What can I do about a son that just doesnt understand what I'm saying to him, who doesnt understand boundaries, consequences, or social situations at all. Why is he so good at his friends house (they do play on the ex box a lot and hes very polite I'm told thats maybe the one thing I got right, its been drummed in to say please and thanks you from very early on.

I'm such a failure, and i feel so shit. poor ds has gone to his dads when he should be here

We have tried the texts and they did actually work at first. But I think he has had complete overload with communication in any way shape or form and has just rebelled. He switches his phone off. When I do get him he goes ballistic because he hates the switch between his house and mine.

Poor bugger. He really is in a mess.

I'm supposed to be sleeping arghhh.

Hi Sheep
How did it go today? :)

hello! It went quite well thank you My ex turned up as did my volunteer and the family co ordinator from homestart (although not my usual coordinator)

We all sat round and thrashed out loads of issues, TAC had been notified about the police incident and this was also discussed. ex explained about ds's possibly on the autistic spectrum and we were waiting for assessment. TAC did seem quite surprised by the turn of events and I no longer feel as if my parenting is to blame which is great. We also had it out with the school who were there too. Ex and I questioned them why was ds being given detention over things that he couldnt help like his poor organisation skills and his inability to cope in some of his lessons and I also queried why the SENCO still hasnt contacted me after repeated requests to do so. They couldnt answer that one!

Anyway ds is still at his dads and wont be back till tomorrow. We have all worked out a timetable for ds and its going on the wall. I dont know how he is going to receive it or if it will work as ds is so resistant to me and my ex over communication but we will try it. I even had an apology from his dad for undermining me and he has promised to be more supportive.

I am very nervous for when he comes home, one of the things he has to do is use his phone properly to contact us when hes on his way home from school and to come in first and then go out. He has suddenly really resisted this lately. He is so anxious about this diagnosis, constantly interupts us in a stacatto voice when we try to talk with him and will not listen.

wish us luck!

Great! I am glad it went well :)

Hopefully your ex will keep his promise. Perhaps he can start off with talking over the rules about ringing you and coming home first before he comes home tomorrow so he knows he gets the same rules everywhere.

I just wouldnt talk to him about the possible diagnosis unless he brings it up. If he doesnt listen to you is he a good reader? if so write to him instead. Try saying that a dx wont change anything and no one will know about it unless he wants them too. Tell him he is old enough to tell his friends if he makes that choice. Tell him having the dx will make the school be more understanding of him and not so heavy on him. Invite him to write back his own feelings. Maybe he will feel less anxious and angry if you dont try and make him talk it out. :)