ASD & potty-training: what age should I expect?

[Grey24]

Hello, my DD was diagnosed as ASD last week. We had suspected this but weren't sure. Reading MN SN has been informative & supportive through the process. Thank you!

Now that we know DD definitely has ASD, I start thinking of questions about the future. I remember seeing threads on here about potty-training & have the impression it is likely to be late or very late? Is that right?

DD is 2.5, has language delay & I wouldn't try to potty-train her until she understands more. I'm not in a rush. But I'd be very grateful for some idea from those with experience, about what sort of age it might be appropriate to start. Just so I have some idea what to expect. She has some understanding & is slightly verbal (though not very keen to share what she can, in theory, say). Should I imagine that it won't be until she's 3? 4? 5? Any info welcomed.
Sorry if I've phrased this badly.

grey, it really depends on the child. children with ASD often seem to toilet train a bit later than NT children but there no rule of thumb.

maybe just give it a go and see how you get on?

DD e.g. started to use the potty at 3.0. she is now 3.9 but still not reliably dry and clean (typically between 0 and 3 accidents/day) but we are getting there.

DS is classed as severly autistic and at 3 was non verbal,however he toilet trained at 3 quite easily.He mastered being clean at night before he was 4 aswell.
All kids are different so it really is all down to the child.

DS s classed as moderately autistic and at 4.8 is still in nappies. He has very few personal care skills at all and no awareness if he is wet/dry etc.

Do you have a SN Nursing team locally (if you are seeing Portage team they can refer you). Our DS (3.2) has 'traits of ASD, but not ASD' according to paed, and they sent this SN nursing team around to help us with potty training. We're on day 6, not a drop in the potty yet... We have spreadsheets to monitor exactly what accidents are happening when, and to help us identify a pattern. We're putting him on the potty every 2 hours (nothing happens). I've brought every potty training kids book available, that he looks at when on the potty, done social stories etc... I think it might take a while! We have now turned the heating up, stripped him from waist down when at home in hopes if he sees what is happening we might have a greater chance of encouraging him to do it on the potty not in his pants. Hmm. Thank god for wooden floors downstairs and a baby gate!

Thank you all very much for your responses - really helpful to know your experiences.

cjn I didn't know about SN Nursing teams - thank you, I will ask Portage about it. There are lots of things like this that you don't discover unless someone else tells you - much appreciated.

Wait don't push it. Best advice given to me, in fact the early years team said that pursuing it before they're ready can have an detrimental affect on communication. For me the communication was the important bit.

DS has only just managed it at 4 1/4 (in the last 3 weeks). We had been sitting on a potty since he started at school sometimes catching stuff. He'd scream if you tried to put him on a potty when he didn't want to go. Helped that he started school and they would all go at a set time. The problem was not understanding that sensation of needing the toilet. I can pinpoint the day he actually got the idea, all that stressing before hand just wasn't worth it! Now he doesn't often have an accident at all weeing.....

cjn27b - might it be worth waiting for a while? DS spent a couple of summer's stripped down in the garden to absolutely no affect.

pooing now that's still another matter

lunarrose you may be right, but we're being pressured by paed and portage... Am feeling like I must give it a shot, but if it really doesn't work we'll go back to them all to discuss more.

but he's still so young, at least from an autism perspective! In fact given that average age for NT children is 3-4, and many children with Autism are delayed developmentally (DS I think is delayed developmentally around 2 years delay if you do the checklists) it's hardly surprising!!!

I know many will disagree but I think at this stage you want to get the communication going as a priority....

LunarRose I agree. We do masses of SLT (finally having our 6 NHS sessions and do stuff everyday at home) so communication is a priority. He's doing great on that front. It's so tricky when all the professionals pressure you, you feel you have to give it a go. If at any point DS seems totally unhappy and stressed we'll stop. We've already stopped making him sit on the potty when he doesn't want to. Now we have the pile of books about potty training next to it so he can look at them when he sits on it and he seems happy with that. We never say anything negetive about any of the wee / poo / accident stuff and just focus on positive feedback or observation.

I find it all very tricky knowing what to do when...

We tried heaps of stuff with DD from the age of 3. Like you I felt pressure and was so stressed about it and i'm sure this was rubbing off on poor dd.

DD was dry during the day from 3 years 6 months. We tried 'normal' potty training for a couple of days where dd would wear no pull-up. She didn't wee once in the potty or toilet BUT we learned that she could control her wee's really well as she held it in for ages and ages to avoid using the potty. But she was very stressed after two days so we let it go.

A month later we put a clear plastic bag in the loo with chocolates, crisps, stickers etc and said she could have one item if she just sat on the loo, didn't have to do anything. We attached a pink seat with handles (part of the Disney princess 3 in 1 potty seat/step) and she would sit there but nothing would come out.

Then one day my husband came up with the brilliant idea to put a long mirror in front of her whilst she sat on the loo and she was fascinated with seeing herself on it and she did her first wee then! That was it, once she did it, she got it and was dry after that, probably only one accident since May.

Poo's however were another story...she only started using the loo for that last week and let me tell you, you'd have though we'd won the lottery! LOL!

For our DD it was a very very anxious thing, we're amazed at how chilled out she is now, I don't even think we realised how stressful she was finding the whole thing. We did use the 'Poo goes to Pooland' book which someone kindly emailed me. If you'd like a copy of it (its a pdf book and hysterical to read!) send me a message and i'll email it to you. The first time I read it DD freaked out. But we persevered and eventually she seemed to like the idea of her 'poo going home to Pooland'.

For me, it felt like DD would never ever get it. And then one day it just happens and you look back and wonder why you worried so much. Sending pixie dust your way so it happens soon for you guys too :)

BTW, I disagree with those who say wait until the communication is better. I have a friend with a child who is on the severe end of the spectrum, has no language at all, is only starting to use PECS now and he was toilet trained in 3 days before he turned 3!!! Each child is different so only you will know if your child is ready or not.

Well, well, well, well, well.... I just came downstairs from putting DS2 down for a nap and DS1 (aged 3.2) looked at me and said 'wee wee in potty' and there it was! Day 7 and he's understood. Also he is now going about 3-4 hours without weeing so he's got the muscle control too. OK so we only have 'traits of autism', but after a week of thinking this was tunring into a bit of a bigger chore than I'd though we're getting there.

well just to day my dd who is now 8 still isnt toilet trained. She has aspergers, odd, adhd and pda and unless taken by ourselves she wont take herself. I do like the idea of the mirror though - she loves looking at herself so that might be something I take on board and try!