it's all my fault... and I haven't enough! there I go again :(

[Ronifromwales]

Was it the amniocentesis, the very high temperature and flu during pregnancy, the worry and anxiety because of a previous traumatic birth (dd fine though). Was it because I died my hair, or because I am celiac? Was it because of genes in the family. My ds has had dla and a statement since 3yrs, noticed problems when he was 9 months. Portage, very inconsistent salt, then statement before starting school at 3 yrs. We don't want to label him I hear. So no autism info is given to me, I look but not in the right places, I trust my hv, school and drs. Ds is now 4.7 and I'm tired of all the bt no one helps, no one does anything. Dh complacent, accepting of his fate. They all say, he's coming on so well! I can't see it what's wrong with me? I'm working full time. I have to act. I decide to give up work, and then find ABA. My LEA doesn't fund it, finances to be sorted, charities to be investigated, diagnosis to be sought. Ds starting ABA in march next yesr. AAAARG it's too late, why haven't I done it before? I've let him down :( this is how I've been feeling for the past few weeks. It's bad today :(

Dh can't stand being around me, neither can I. When will it get better? I need chocolate, dairy free chocolate but still chocolate and lots of it. Sorry, had to get it out somehow... It's just a bit overwhelming at the mo :(

Roni, so sorry you feel like this, can understand why you feel overwhelmed. I've no wise words but can offer some of my Kinnerton DF choc.

Its overwhelming yes but carry on like that and you wont get anywhere fast apart from with your head in your hands and feeling poorly yourself, and that wont help your ds will it. :)

Sending you HUGS and lots of them.

Have a bath and early night with chocolate and read a book to turn your mind off a bit.

In the morning write a priority list. Yes it is all important but you are not superwoman and trying to think you are will burn you out. ONE thing at a time and it is NOT too late for anything.

One thing I have learnt is when you feel as low as this....................do nothing, go out, walk, stomp but just try to relax xx

Oh and stop thinking of the "what ifs" it will drive you nuts. I started that way and ended up in circles with no sleep. xx

You have not failed your son!!! bad parents do not do everything you have just listed, bad parents dont give a toss!. Yes it is over whelming but it DOES get easier!! HONESTLY!!

The why questions are something i still ask 5 years post diagnosis, you are not on your own, and you WILL get through this!

And tho i have no DF chocolate, i do have DF ice cream if you would like some? -then can get your own i dont do sharing very well .

AND what do you mean about DH being complacent, accepting of his fate. Who's fate?? ds??

Write your list of priorities and show him. Tell him this is what we now have to do to help our son and us. Tell him it is going to take two to do battle so which one on the list is he going to pick first.

Thanks all, can't stop crying, working on my notice at the month, can't stand going to work. I know it will take some time to sort finances, then ABA, diagnosis, had to put ds back on gluten for celiac test in 3 months, feel crap doing that to him but I need answers now. Snappy at kids coming from work exhausted. He accepts everything people say as long as they've got a badge. This is what I mean by fate. These people don't know my ds and I KNOW he can do much better that what they expect. Dh finding aba pre reading a lot of work and I am just about to cut his head open and shove a book in it. He's more worried about finances... Well one day at a time, I'm thinking about everything at once. Will have to put myself together soon! A friend told me about mumsnet. I feel at home here... Tk u so much... Forthe -treat offers- too! :)

It will all be ok in the end :) You havent finished work yet and so you are dealing with it as well as working and you are tired. Give yourself a bit of space here.

You are right you KNOW your ds better than anyone and with that positive attitude then he will go miles.

dx takes forever and he is young so you may need to wait a while yet if the proffessionals are not yet ready. They may want to see how he progressess in 6 months time perhaps.

He has got a statement for school so that is great news and one battle you havent got to fight for.

When you finish work you will have time to think things through properly. You wont be so tired and I am sure you will be looking forward to those extra cuddles with your lovely ds x

You have a lot going on at the moment it's little wonder you feel as you do

Take a few days off from the chasing a dx, seeking funds, the aba reading etc - just take time to recharge your batteries; have some family time. Maybe at the weekend and then start next week afresh with that list of priorities.

Hi all, thanks again. Didn't go to work today, spent day at home, collected kids from school, a worry free day for a change and feel so much better! Love to all xxx

ABA isn't the be all and end all, it is just one approach