For TC

[eidsvold]

I am really feeling it at the moment with dd1. I need to go and do thinks - like visit the bank, pay bills etc. I would normally do these things whilst dd1 is in kindy - but everything is in recess for the summer holidays.

So off we venture - try to get there first thing in the morning as dd1 sometimes is overwhelmed by lots of people.

I had not taken the buggy with the toddler seat - thought she could walk the short distance - silly me - she could not or more importantly decided she would not.

It makes me sad when I see other mums with children around the ages of my two - the older one is walking nicely beside the buggy and the other one is in the buggy. Or two children around dd1s age - children are just walking nicely along instead of being on reins or needed to be cajoled or 'helped' along. I would not swap dd1 for the world but these holidays I am really feeling it - I guess after being able to do all this running around whilst she is in kindy makes it soo much harder when she is not.

HOWEVER - whilst struggling with the grocery shopping and being extremely premenstrual wishing kindy was starting again and wanting to be free of the hassles - saw a mum with a teenager and a preteen boy doing the shopping and my reverie of how nice that would be - two walking along helping etc was broken by her having to go mad at them for being silly, etc.....

thought it wasn't too bad after all......

But somedays I feel dd1's sn more than others - depends on the activity, my state of mind etc....

Just wanted to say - you are not alone... we have all been there.

bumping in case TC comes along

Oh bless your heart, what a lovely post and I'm touched more than you can know that you have shared and posted that for me. It's a massive, massive help. I hate that I ended up feeling worn out and blue. Hate that her special needs got to me, hate that it mattered. I hate that she couldn't answer my question, hate that when I asked her to pass me a cushion she just repeated the word at me and didn't know what it was I wanted her to do. I have always loved that little girl with a fierce all consuming passion and nothing was too much for her and just recently I've found myself being short with her and then crying in the kitchen because I wasn't patient enough.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh, feels good to rant and know I'm not alone. So, so good. Thanks Edivold. More than ever I wish we loived near each other, now more so than ever before, but hey, your post will suffice Thanks.

And thanks to Soupie for the bump, xx

I feel like this at times too. it hurts so much that ds2 will never walk, talk, hold my hand, get covered in ice cream, laugh, giggle when i tickle him......the list goes on and on.
the other night he had vommited, choked and stopped breathing, so at 3am it was all systems go. my dh was suctioning his airways while i was giving him whiffs of oxygen...and i actually thought 'why us'. i know this sounds horrible and i wouldnt swap him for the world but why must everything be so damn hard all the time. if he doesnt have achest infection he has hundreds of seizures. if his feed machine isnt bleeping in the early hours, then his breathing moniter is bleeping, if not hes having seizures or vommitng or stopping breathing. i try really hard not to let it get me down....but sometimes i would give anything for an easier life. i am up for work and to get the other kids ready at 6.30am (i am child protection social worker) and dh is up between 4.00-5.00 for his driving job.....then again..my friends little boy died on new years eve (aged four-same syndrome) and my other friends little one is 16mths and has a blood clot behind her portacath, right next to her heart and they have warned her that if it dislodges she will die within minites. she is being christened 2morrow in the hospital chapel...so i guess i should thank my lucky stars that at least DS2 is alive and fairly well. sorry to go on, i do try not to moan much

Dizzy you must be so strong that must be so hard to cope with. I think most think 'why me' at some point but your right we are lucky. TC 'I've found myself being short with her and then crying in the kitchen because I wasn't patient enough.' Was me the last week of the holidays when ds was on a complete hyper and i was premenstrual its makes it worse knowing its not his fault. Unfortunately im only human and not a saint.

Blimey Dizzy, you have so much to deal with , maybe you should "moan" more, on here?

if this is a thread for TC can I just say

I think you're lovely

(you're obviously going through it a bit at the moment that I haven't picked up on 'cos I haven't been around that much but undoubtedly must be post-baby hormone stuff)

but I do think you're one of the loveliest mumsnetters

Hi thomcat, i really dont how you cope with a new born baby as well. i have read your posts and your love for your dd shines through them. I think most people with children with sn feel the same at certain times, for a friend of mine it is when she sees children of her sons age (now 16) with girlfriends, or sagging school etc. sorry for crashing your post, i was just feeling really down. i dont think i came accros very well in the post, i didnt mean that you were moaning, it is just how i felt about myself. we get so much help from my mum that i feel i am moaning if i complain. But i had a really bad night and was knackered and feeling sorry for myself. I hope you and your little ones and happy and healthy.

oh dizzy, blimey you are so not crashing and i know you're not moaning as such hon', we all need to let off a bit now and then, and i think you should do more of it. please post away, on any thread and get stuff off your chest. love to you, and hope you have a better day , a better weekend, a better everything. tc xx