NT teenager being a real pain about ASD sibling "aaarrrggghhh"!!

[Ineedalife]

Thought about posting this in teenagers, but decided on here as it is an SN issue in a way.

Dd3 has recently been DX'ed with ASD. We have all known for a long time but had nothing on paper.

Other Dd's were unsurprised by the Dx when I spoke to them but Dd2[16] has become even more spiteful towards DD3 since I told her.

She is totally intollerant of Dd3 and refuses to understand that Dd3 needs our help and support.

I mentioned it at CAMHS last week but the MH nurse seemed to thing it was normal teenager stuff.

Am wondering, should I ignore this or does she need some kind of support herslf. Maybe someone from outside the family to talk to.

I have considered speaking to the SENCO at her school to see if they have any ideas but I know she would be furious with me if I did this.

Anyone got any experience or ideas.

We seem to be stumbling from one crisis to another at the moment.

I recently got ds1 to watch a thing on iplayer called autism and me, it was a 15min programme done by kids with as/asd, it really helped him as he said it's one thing people saying this is what asd is like to people who have it saying this is how asd feels and why I act like I do.

Havent got any suggestions really as I have it here with my other two and ds. Its DS! dont do that DS! dont do this.

Also they know he will touch makeup and bottles and so I tell them to put them high out of the way if its expensive or nice. They have a lock on their rooms so that they can lock it when they leave the room. They dont he gets it and now I tell them I told you so as sick of repeating. Also a problem of still going on about past things he has done. Constantly telling them he had a consequence that is the end of it but teenagers dont let it gooooooo

Is it the extra attention that your dd needs? I found this to be one of the issues with mine. That sometimes there was no time in the day to focus on them. We do try are hardest to give each one more attention now between DH and me. That somewhat allieviated some problems. There is also the normal sibling rivalry

Kicked off again just after I typed the thread,

Dd2 was ranting about Dd3's choice of music, it was a Cd of Dd2's choir.

She is adamant that Dd3 is spoilt and unfortunately Dd1 is fanning the flames.

I have asked her not to judge my parenting because I am doing my best.

Normal sibling rivalry plays a big part but she can be so spiteful that I have to step in sometimes becasue I just can't stand to hear her speaking to a 9 year old the way she does.

Agree about teens not letting things go, Dd2 never seems to be able to start a new day, Dd3 annoys her when she is not even out of bed..

I am going through the same thing. My NT teen has joint problems and IBS and thinks I prioritise her sister's needs. It's more that their needs are different. The SENCO might be worth approaching in our case too. Spite and envy are huge issues in our house, it is horrible.

Thats why I love it on here.

There is always someone else going through the same, even though that doesn't make the problem go away it does make me feel slightly less insane.