Feeling really down and ashamed.

[pigletmania]

DD 4.5 (dev delay and AS traits) had a party today, first half was fine, then came the sitting down and eating bit, and mahoosive meltdown. It was at a local soft play with loud music, she just would not be consoled, everyone was looking at us, and I was so , she was hystrical so much that she wet dh and we had to take her home early because of her behaviour. I am upset and down, I will not be surprised if she does not get any party invites now, well I will just go and hide. Last year she went to 7 parties at pre school and was very well behaved, I just feel so down.

It happens to each and every child, whatever their issues.
People won't thin k anythin g of it. They will just be glad it's not their child (this time-it will be theirs next though!)

Are you able to think throguh the triggers for the meltdown so you can be better prepared next time?

The first half was free play when hey could play on all the apparatus which she liked, but then came the eating bit, where in the room they had loud music too which I think triggered her off, and I think that she was scared of the person dressed up as a bear that came into the party.

Totally understandable!

I wouldn't have someone in a costume at a party for children that age - someone's always scared of them.

There was a couple of NT kids who were scared of the bear too.

There you go.
Parties are overwhelming experiences for many reasons.
Don't give it another thought!

Thanks moon I should have known, the party area was big, with 4 tables, in a row, 1 for each party. DD used to hate eating lunch in the school hall (MS school) and her TA/teachers have done a lot of work with her, so that she is fine now eating there, but this was an unfamiliar eating area with lots of tables in a row and lots of loud noise.

I used to do kids parties for a living and there was only ever ONE clown I'd book as somehow he managed to be non-scary. For some reason 99.9% (I live in London so got to see loads of entertainers!) of clowns terrify some small children, and I've met NT adutlts who find them creepy. I used to dress up as a fairy for some parties and spent a LOT of time getting my costume as NT-wee kid friendly as possible. So the bear thing deffo comes under the heading of "NT parental experience" for a child this age.

The noise wouldn't have helped. V.loud music at a young child's party is again a common no-no for the NT crew and a sign of poor skills on the part of the venue tbh. People forget young children's hearing is more sensitive than adults. ( Ear defenders were first promoted for NT child use at music festivals and only adopted by the sen industry later on).
Perhaps ask future hosts not to assault the ear drums by blasting out music too loud, lots of NT people loathe the volume turned up too load, (esp Grandparents), so it's not an unreasonable request to make.

You say she joined in and enjoyed the free play part of the party - to me that's a success as it was a strange environment.

With the above in mind I seriously wouldn't stress, worry or dwell on it for a moment.

Try not to worry too much Piglet, I am sure most of us on here have had a child meltdown at a party.

Dd3[9] could never cope with the eating part in the soft play places, it was always too noisy. I used to warn the parents that she would be unlikely to eat and offer to take her a lunch from home to save them buying one.

She has got better but still finds that bit hard, she has just come back from a party and she sat on my lap for some of the eating time but she did eat today so we are moving forward.

Keep taking your Dd and don't be aftraid to make your apologies and just leave if your she is not coping.

.

Thanks bochead I telephoned the party mum to apologise, and she was lovely (she is also a friend of mine), she had requested that the bear not to be there as the party girl does not like people dressed up in costumes, but as there were other parties at the soft play at the same time at the soft play, they had to have the character. DD has been to that soft play center many times and usually likes it, but combining the loud music over the tannoy, the bear costume, and the crowds in the room it was all too much for dd.

DD has been to many parties but this is the first meltdown. Thanks ineedalife, hopefully once she gets older, her understanding gets better it will become easier for her. From an adult point of view, it was all chaotic at the centre, as being a Saturday and really busy it would be.

I remember long long ago when I was 5 and living in London with my parents, my dad took me to London Zoo, we had to go on an old fashioned style tube train, red on the outside, green on the inside, and really dingy, with people smoking. I remember having a total meltdown on the train and would not sit down, I screamed and was hysterical until I got off. The reason was it was scarey, dingy, smokey, and all I could see were people's knees and that set me off. I don't think I was NT either, I had dev delay and later dx as having dyslexia and dyspraxia as an adult. Its hard to sometimes get into the shoes of a very young child, especially that with SN, we tend sometimes to see things from an adult perspective. It certainly helps coming on here to talk to people who have been through the same things.

Last party we went to was a big posh frock type and as soon as ban started dd2 was screaming "it's too loud, go home go him" over and over

Hit send too soon.
It happens to is all, try not to stress too much.

I took ds to a children's disco when he was just 4. It was very loud. I had to carry him and keep him in the kitchen. I was gutted about this and his ASD meaning he couldn't enjoy or mix in with the party.

Shortly after, two more mums came in carrying their children. We made ourselves a coffee and the BRILLIANT host found us and put out a bit of party food.

I suppose what I am saying is be careful you don't pathologise your child's normal behaviour. I think we have a tendency to be more critical and judgemental of ourselves in our desperation for our children to 'fit in' as much as they can.

I think that you are right starlight, but she did stick out like a sore thumb all the kids were happy and enjoying the party, except the birthday girl when that bear came out. We do tend to see anything wrong that they do as ahhh its because they have SN.

Piglet....we've all been there!

It's sad but, my son was the same. He's 11 next week and we're not doing a party. We've organised a CenterParks weekend for family.

My son used to be exactly the same and was dx with ASD aged 4. Even at his own parties, it was the same. I gave up at his 9th because all the kids would be having fun and he'd be curled up in a corner asking "when can I go home, mummy?". He's high functioning but now has additional OCD dx.

What I did do when he was younger was tell the parent of the child who's party it was that we may only stay for ten or twenty mins. They usually understood.

Now, ds doesn't get party invites. It's sad but he couldn't do it anyway

Awww kitty my dd just about tolerated her own party at MacD, she does not like the singing happy birthday bit, and puts her hands on her ears. She has another party to go to next week so will see how it goes, but I don't envisage too many invites, blessing in disguise me thinks. DD does not really understand and care for parties anyway.