Having a hard time and feeling rather low

[WhoWhoWhoWho]

It's DLA form filling time and like last time it has dumped me into a pit of despondent depression.

Sorry to post such a whingy thread but I'm feeling so alone right now and I needed to 'talk' about it to people who would get it.

I'm on my own with DS and I feel so isolated. Hardly ever meet up with friends (one cancelled on me today yet again), hardly ever go out, people hardly ever come round and we rarely get invited anywhere.

Filling in this bloody form having to write down all of the things DS can't do/needs help with, and how that compares to his NT peers is soul destroying. I was just plodding before the form and now I feel 100x worse. My life is not what I dreamed or planned and I'm sad about it.

Life is tough sometimes.
I've just filled in a DLA form last week. Not among the fun things in life. Made me wonder how I ended up here. I think you need to give yourself the space to feel it though. To be sad, to see that things are just really tough and shittily unfair.

And then pick yourself up and carry on tomorrow. Make some concrete achievable plans for the next 6 months to help address some of your isolation and just keep going. Maybe tell your friend how life is for you right now and that its a big deal at the moment if she cancels as you are counting on her. (Not that she has to support you, just that meeting up when you have planned to meet up is more important once you have children and esp when you have SN children) Make sure people know what you need from them, they may still not deliver but make sure they know.
Perhaps you could get details of a support organisation for parents in your position and see if you can make some new friends who understand some of the pressures on you and the situation you are in.

How old is your son? And whats up with him?

I understand where you're coming from. It can be lonely. None of my friends really get it, some try, some don't. I sometimes wonder how I ended up jere, but there's no answer, I just did and I have to focus on making 'here' better for DS and my family. That's what helps me most of the time, knowing that it's improving and we are helping ds. Still lonely sometimes though. Spoke to affirms last night who was asking when I'm having another, I explained about the genetic results and that I wasn't sure if I have the financial and emotional resources to give another what they deserve. I think he thought I was overdramatising... Oh well. Guess they don't know how much it takes on a day to day basis.

Just wanted to say, I think we all get down sometimes.

Maybe if people want to say roughly where abouts they live we might be able to find ourselfs new friends,i for one am feeling very isolated and could do to find myself a coffee buddy.

Essex here

west yorkshire here

im in west yorkshire aswell

Me too.

Thanks for these replies, I logged off at twenty to 3 ready to go do the school run and have only just had chance to check back on the thread.

My DS has autism, he's 7 now and still in nappies, still won't go to sleep without me, wakes up during the night, no sense of danger, etc. He's an only child and I can't see that changing. He takes all my attention and energy, can't see a bloke coming along and taking on DS, and even if they did I'd be soo worried a 2nd child would also have autism and I barely manage with DS as it is.

I will definitely draw a line under things when the evil bloody form is done, it's just so long winded and repetitive. Of course I will then worry about the results of the claim.

I'm in East Yorkshire in Hull, not many MNer's from these parts, or maybe they just don't like to admit it! I'm not sure I could tell my friend how I feel about her cancelling, I would probably burst into tears and then be mortified. She has two NT dcs, a supportive, close family, a busy social life and always seems to be zipping about from friend to relative to friend. The opposite of my life really!

Well, I'm here most evenings if you fancy a chat. :)

Thanks mangomonster.

We do have a local NAS group in Hull, they do day trips and support groups but it's very rare I can make it to a group they either clash with DS's once a week swimming lesson, or are in an evening on a school night (no babysitter).

I do need to address how to change some things as I can't go on like this indefinitely. It's not even as if I'm some social butterfly who always has to have company, so the fact that I'm feeling lonely and isolated shows just how much I am so if that makes sense.

Cornwall here LOL but I can send smiley postcards!

I totally understand where you are coming from. I have been filling in the DLA for the last 3 months. Got it stored on PC. It is a real downer form and I only do it when I am not in a despondant mood and on that note it will probably take me another 12 months :) And no I know no one friend wise that can relate to DS but I am fortunate not to be living on my own.

it's Ok to feel despondant sometimes, I know I do. Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmingly sad and angry with the world. It is bloody unfair and it's OK to say that Who. Are there any parents groups that do anything on a weekend or any voluntary groups on weekends you could get involved with? Any kids centres or family centres?
MN is a great support to me and i've had some good advice on here. We have 2 boys and Ds2 has ASD and it breaks my heart every day, we are 8 months since diagnosis and I think I cried every day for the first 5/6 months.
Those bloody DLA forms are awful, and so soul destroying. I know the point of them is what your child needs extra help with but it makes such grim reading when you look at it. I wanted to write on mine, my DS is beautiful and can do this, this and this but that's not what it's about.
Big hug to you a big glass of too.

Who, your post really struck a chord with me as I have felt very isolated and lonely lately. I am gradually getting better, i went through a phase of hating my life and not wanting to cope anymore. I have talked to my gp and employer and realised that there are resources out there i can use. Are you entitled to respite? Would you consider counselling? These are things I am pursuing, I'm also trying to find a suitable babysitter which might take a bit longer.My DD is coming 10 and i felt as if i'd been strong for the majority of the past 10 years and then all of a sudden i couldn't take it anymore.
With regards to your DLA form it is the most depressing thing to have to complete but remember to fill it in with the worst days in and mind and not the good ones.I am probably stating the obvious but don't be tempted to make your situation sound better.
Unfortunately i am in N.Ireland or i would offer to meet.

Who,

I totally understand. Its so hard to pick yourself up, especially when no one knows the kind of energy and strength that is needed to get through the day- knowing that the next day will be the same.

I helped out at my son's nursery and now seem to have a new fan club!! They were all competing for my attention- all except my boy. It's heart breaking to see NT children sometimes. Its got me down too.

If you ever need a chat or just a whinge, PM me

Sorry I haven't been back to the thread until now everyone. Thanks again for replies. Have had a busy couple of days avoiding the form and have actively arranged a meet up with friend and dcs so I have some company to look forward to.

Bee I'm a nursery nurse (not working right now though) and love my vocation but often the differences between DS and other peers takes my breath away.

It does make his achievements huge though, like my parental pride is multiplied as I know it's taken him a lot more progression and effort to get there. Does that make sense?

A couple of months ago I heard him drop a toy and braced myself for the screaming and crying hysterics (rather than just picking it up), instead he said "oh never mind" in a chirpy voice and picked it up. I nearly fell off my chair in shock! It's taken him all this time to do something most kids do in their stride but he's finally done it.

Mango will PM you back in a mo

Coff33pot I do mine on the PC too, much easier to go in and out of it and you have a copy then too! Interesting reading his form age 4 to his form I'm doing now aged 7. Some things he has improved slightly (dressing skills), some thigns are the same (still in nappies) , some things are totally new (medicines).

Sandhills - have had counselling but I go to the counselling all strong and fine and she said I was fine. I get on fine most of the time but then it will hit me and yes I do feel very sad and angry about things. I'm not sure I will ever stop 'grieving' I hope that I can but I don't know how. People think I manage fine as I put on a brave face and get on with things. I find it very very hard to ask for help or tell people I'm struggling.

A lot of our children's centres activities no longer run due to budget cuts. But I am going to actively look for other services/activities/ support as we need some!