Can anyone help. I feel something is not right and feel so helpless

[appreciateit]

Hi,
I feel so worried about my daughter I just dont know where else to turn.
I have been to parenting classes, health visitors, the doctors and now have an appointment but it is at least 6 months away.

I feel so alone and worried about the situation I just dont know what the matter with her is.

She has always been a screamer bless her and each stage everyone says she will grow out of it, but so far no good.

She has two parts I suppose, the one which is when I say no to something = tantrum and I can kind of understand these as toddlers want their own way but the other is the ritual/ obsessions.

We lead our lives walking on egg shells incase she flips.

An example - she has got into a habit of stroking my foot to wake me up in the morning. However if I happen to be awake already she goes mad and wont start the day until i am back in bed pretending to be asleep.

If she starts something and something goes 'wrong' she has to go all the way back to the beginning.

She get so upset, distressed, angry. It goes on for ages.

I have tried everything.

Help?

Who is your appointment with and do you have any thoughts as to what might cause this behaviour?

And so sorry you're going through this.

Six months is a long wait. Have you tried calling the Patient Advice and Liason service? Ask what local guidelines are for a referral to a paediatrian for assessment.

Can you afford to go private? You'll still need to go to the NHS appointment when it comes to stay in that system (which is important if there is something going on and they ever need to coordinate with the education dept).

There may well however be nothing wrong and it may just be a phase, but it's always better to get things assessed so they can get the help they might need developing. I say this as a parent going through the process of assessment. My DS seems to be progressing well, but needs some extra support. 11 Months in it is still not clear if we are dealing with any thing diagnosable or if he's just at the very quirky end of the normal spectrum. Even after an initial appointment you may find you are just told they'll keep reviewing things.... It isn't always very black and white, but at least you get support meanwhile with anything that your child needs support with.

Sorry not to be of more help. Lots of children have very tricky phases and are fine, but saying that won't stop the worry. Just know you can find lots of support on here and keep coming back when you need it. Best of luck.

How old is she? Some times it is just the age thing, sometimes it's something more. Might be worth starting a diary to record all her behaviours and examples as any developmental pead will ask for examples. Who is the referral to? Sadly appointments to pead do take a long time.

my appointments for the pead were always and still are 6mnths apart,while a waited i dont parenting courses and had a supernanny type person in to help us with our sons tantrums etc,
he throws tantrums if i dont answer a question the way he wants it answered,so i understand the walking on eggshells thing!
we just had to be strong,and teach him as best we could,that not everyone will give you the answer he wants, it was around that point (age 4) we put in concequenscs and rewards,and we stood firm with them,coz we were so nervous of even speaking to him at times incase he erupts!
hes 7 now and is much better,he still erupts,but also excepts quicker that others have a say,we are getting there,slowly but surely x

How old is your DD?

Is it a language thing? Is she getting frustrated because she cant communicate? If this is the case have you got a SALT referral.

What does she like, is there anything that calms her? When my DS was 2/3 we watched ITNG constantly because it was all that would keep him calm. If it works then go with it.

Sorry for the delay, my baby was poorly and so took up my time!
She is three but if I am honest I have had difficulty from the moment of birth lol. No bless her, I love her so much but as a baby she screamed a lot and hasnt stopped. At every stage people say she will grow out of it and it just doesnt happen.

She can communicate very well and holds great little conversations, she is very bright its more a frustration of a)not getting her own way which i think is just typical toddler behaviour and b) a complete anxiety,frustration,anger at things not being 'right'

When she sees red, nothing helps or works. If for example she does something 'wrong' then she has to start from the beginning again too.

She is persistant and goes on and on. Screamed for 2 hours the other night as she didnt want to go to bed. Screamed in the morning because I had got her milk before she had got into my bed.

Im tired, miserable and just cant work it all out. She has so mucb energy and does not stop talking, shouting, moving all day.

Anyone offer anymore advice?
She had a 'tantrum' at pre school the other day. It upset me as she screamed there for an hour and they didnt think to call me. So I know now that she will do it at school also.

She wants her own way all the time its very extreme in happy behaviour as well as when she is sad.

Please, ask questions to help me narrow this down ;(

I am going through something similar. We have a family history of OCD/anxiety type stuff and we think DS (3) has inherited it. conventional behavioural techniques don't work. Anxiety reducing strategies do work.

The rituals/getting things 'right' is extremely hard. Often DS will get stuck on an idea or even stuck in a physical place.

We have various medical appointments but tbh I wouldn't wait for the NHS. Read around the subject and consider private therapy for anxious children.

You ask for questions.. how about

is there a family history of anxiety?
does she have sensory issues (e.g. noise)?
How does she eat/sleep?
Any allergies/intolerances?
How does she relate to peers?
Is she bright? Too bright?

Thanks
is there a family history of anxiety? - Depression yes, I had depression when i was pregnant and was angry with my family etc and going to counselling so i blame myself and think i 'caused it'

does she have sensory issues (e.g. noise)? Nothing major but doesnt like loud noise but she likes fireworks etc so not sure how that works think its more noise that gets on her nerves

How does she eat/sleep? Both is fine although has so much energy has always been an early riser!

Any allergies/intolerances? No

How does she relate to peers? Fine but there is the meltdowns as mentioned

Is she bright? Too bright? Very bright but i have no idea how much...

They said private was going to cost £1000 so cant do that at the mo ;(

£1000 for what exactly?

You really must not blame yourself. if there is a genetic link that is hardly your fault and it is just the luck of the genetic draw.

I have 2 DC. one has inherited the anxiety, the other has not.

Said £300 consultation and then £150 appointments thereafter. Its like a cahms private appointment as I dont know what the problem could be....

Yes, I wouldn't pay that for private Camhs when you can get it on the NHS, albeit with a long wait. Though I guess it depends how desperate things are!!

I have a couple of friends with SN kids, one autistic. She's doing ABA. I'm thinking of doing something similar but on a sort of play therapy basis. She was recommended to advertise for someone at the local University (like a Masters Student doing pyschology) to work with her son. They didn't end up doing this in the end but it did give me some ideas. I don't want someone totally clueless, but on the other hand I think youth, kindness and enthusiasm can count for a lot more than dry professionalism sometimes.

I also had a brief look on ABA finder and there are people on there for around £20 an hour which seems do-able.

Well, i have had a conversation with the camhs where i am moving to and they said i can be seen in about 3 weeks! Just goes to show its where you live doesnt it! Just want some help as i have no idea what this is so no idea how to help.

Anything else I can think about? I think there is an anxiety bit to it but much more - the screaming, the constant loud talking and shouting, the defiance, wants to do what she wants and wont take no for an answer, the hyper engery, the huge meltdowns.... is it camhs i should be seeing?