11yo with AS and a rather delicate issue regarding Father Christmas....

[MrsShrekTheThird]

DS is a few weeks off 11yo, in Y6, and despite heavy hints and so forth he's still totally convinced about Father Christmas... now whether he finds out or not before Dec 25th is not particularly the issue, (have advised him not to say too much in school ) but that he doesn't go telling his younger brother and sister is the biggie.... dd is only 5 and I don't want him ruining the magic for her. OK, there's no way that they are likely to get to the age he is and still believe, but a few years more would be nice.
Am wondering how the to discuss it, so 1) he doesn't look like an idiot at school, but 2) he doesn't go on the rampage and tell the other two. I've got a notion in my head that I can enlist him as a helper, tell him me and dad are secretly santa and we'd like him to be the secret elf? "secrets" like this excite him and for an aspie he's not too bad at keeping them because his 'clues' are so oblique that the person getting them is usually more confused rather than enlightened

Has anyone been here? And advice? Any suggestions whether you've been here or not? pleeease?

i wouldn't feel too bad. dd1 is 11 and entirely nt and i had to break the tooth fairy news earlier this year as her last milk tooth fell out and i wasn't sure the subject would come up again! she cried. i hadn't the heart to discuss father christmas as well, so that's still pending...

i think the helper idea might work. it's probably your best bet, anyway. we have a friend who's aspie is 14 now, and i think that's how they did it with him, because of their (younger) dd's.

dd1 will be able to keep a secret - she now relishes it when ds1 or dd2 loses a tooth but i think she's probably the one that believes in father christmas the most - ds1 and dd2 have both said (at around 4 or 5) 'i don't think the real father christmas is real, you know....'

i actually don't think it's that unusual for 11yo's to have to be told - and it's usualy about the time they need to know - i know several families who've had to break the tragic news at this point. all nt kids.

stick with the 'helper' idea and good luck!

I sort of just casually mentioned it in the car as we were driving to school. He'd worked out when he was 4 that there couldn't be one father Christmas that there must be an Australian one and a French one, etc etc. He'd also cottoned on that the Father Christmasses we saw round and about were dressed up but I still think at 10 he thought that the local round table one taht goes on a 'sleigh' pulled round our roads was real. In actual fact I dropped a few hints which he picked up on and I think he was partly keeping up the pretence for our sakes and his little brother's sake. He mentioned something along the lines of I wonder what Father Christmas will bring me (and we've always done big presents from us - the FC thing is just a santa sack thing) and I said 'you do know it's not really a man coming down the chimney don't you' and he said 'yes' and that was it really. He never blurted it out to the younger one but he is good at keeping secrets. Now he's 16 I'm wondering if I still have to do a Santa Sack for him but feel a bit of a heel if I don't

I dropped a clanger once in a class of year 7s. It was my first year teaching and I assumed by that age they were all worldly wise and said 'you know when you discover that the tooth fairy isn't real and when you realise that FC isn't real' and this chap in front of me looked crestfallen and then quickly rearranged his face to look nonchalant and wordly wise. I felt really bad.

Just a word of warning. Decided to tell DD Down syndrome at the age of 8 mainstream school that FC did not exist as we did not want her being teased, it was Dad who put the stocking at the end of her bed. However she must keep it a secret because of the little children.
Move to Easter Pa in playground talking to Head and teachers etc.
DD says
" Pa we have a big secret haven't we"
Pa pales
"Pa it's you who comes in my bedroom at night"
Pa sweats
"Pa I mustn't tell anyone must I"
Pa hears cell door slam
" Pa it's you not Father Christmas who brings us presents"

thanks all. fwiw F.C. only comes with a stocking and the big stuff from us, too, but I don't want him either spilling the info, should he 'guess', in front of the younger two - nor do I want him making a twit of himself in school

another bump in case there are any more words of wisdom to be unearthed?

My friends children all NT still believed well into their teens. She told them that once they stopped believing then they wouldn't get presents. They didn't look stupid to their friends just that their mum made them believe otherwise there would be no presents on Christmas day. It seems to have worked with my dd although she told me he didn't exist in yr3 she seems to have forgotten that now when there is a change the presents may stop. I too have young dds so it's more that I don't want the older ones to spoil it for the younger.

I read this thread yesterday and thought that ds 7 would most probably believe until he was in HS unless we told him. dd's NT believed until they were 8/9.

And then he dropped the bombshell, he asked if FC was a myth, I was so surprised I just said course not. He is now going to sleep between us on xmas eve to check if it is us or FC

I have three with AS. We did something similar to you, enlisted ds2 so that he was a helper. He didn't let on. The twins worked it out though, because he's somewhat dyspraxic and fell over putting the stocking on ds1s bed!
bless!
They weren't too bothered, they'd been told by others at school and said they thought they'd play along at home for our benefit!