Please help, mainstream seemed to be going well until this week...

[used2bthin]

DD is five and has a genetic condition which means she needs medication and emergency care plan but not that different to others at school for that. She also has SLI though to the extent she can't really make herslf understood at school and uses mainly two word sentances the words are very unclear, she is very good at acting out things (eg actually showing me she fell over y reenacting it) and has a bit of makaton but generally relies on set phrases to get by. Her understanding is badly affected and so she seems much younger than she is. She hs epilepsy and dribbles a lot and a few motor issues but very very active. She eats very messily though. Anyway she is at mainstream as there is no language unit here. The school have been very supportive and gone over and above what is necessary to make sure they meet her needs.

Tuesday I heard a boy in her class mimic the way she speaks. She said his name and he said it back the way she says it. DD had seemed to like him and said it in a pleased to see him way

Wednesday she sat next to him at breakfast club but seemed unsure about him (she is usually quite over confident so this is unusual). A slightly older girl opposite said to the boy " ooh x look who is next to you" in a way that implied he wouldnt be happy about it. I stayed a while then left and rang her teacher as the staff at the club were very busy and the children seemed to be ok with her after I glared!

The teacher had already heard the boy mimic her voice and spoken to him and has since done so again and called the whole group to dicuss why they should be kind etc and remind them of class rules. Breakfast club have arranged to sit their own children with her with instructions to tell if anyone is unkind. I feel it is being dealt with but am just so worried that she will have her confidence knocked. She is progressing slowly but this could make her reluctant to tr talking which would be disastrous. Also I worry that she will be picked on retaliate then not be able to say why she did it and just get in trouble. Is it always like this at mainstream?

Sorry this is so long but situation two- today a mum approached my mum at the school gates to say that dd has "non maliciously" hurt her dd's arm by squeezing it. She said the teacher had said she'd tell dd's family but she just knew they wouldnt so felt she should say something. My mum handled it well but said this woman seemed to be implying dd had really done it deliberately. The mother then went off and seemed to be relaying the story to a friend.

This week is just horrible anyway but I feel even worse thinking that with the amount dd has had to go through both medically and to try and communicate the best she can, it is seriously unfair to have her confidence undermined by children laughing at her problems and parents being OTT about her as if she is naughty.

Any advice appreciated for if I have to deal with parents doing this sort of thing as I am not sure I would have been as calm as my mum was.

Oh bless big hugs to you . How old is your dd? My dd 4.5 has just started in foundation in MS and loves it, but i overheard a boy in her class say to his mum that he did not like dd as she was scary . Really got me down.

She is five and started in september. Poor you too, I overheard a child say dd was naughty to her mum, it so sad. DD also had seemed to be doing well so I am surprised but she does have friends and t least school are being quick to tackle it I suppose.

Its that there will be kids who will be mean, even if you have a certain colour of hair or are deemed a bit odd or whatever, it happened to me in my day. I just hope that dd has friends who will help her and defend her. I was so happy at parents evening a couple of weeks ago the teacher and headmistress said that dd was well liked by the kids in Foundation, and its lovely when we come out of school, children saying hello to dd and being really nice. Just wish that dd had the social communication skills to reciprocate

Yes me too pigletmania. DD has some friends so hopefully they will help her out but I do worry about long term and am not willing to let it get to the stage of her being damaged by their stupidity. But yes you are right it happens for all sorts of reasons and if my dd does ever progress enough to live independantly she will need to be able to deal with all sorts of people nice and nasty.

It is sad and especially that some parents don't get it either.

used2b I know, you cannot be there to protect them forever. Fortunately dd does not understand if someone is mean to her, it goes over her head (she has dev delay and AS traits). Don't give up on MS, its just some silly kids, have you talked to your dd teacher or SENCO about your concerns?

Try not to panic. My dd attends mainstream and it is very up and down. Everything seems to be going great and then someone says or does something unpleasant and I panic and worry that it's all going pear shaped. Usually things get better again. I am not trying to dismiss your concerns at all and i can totally understand how you feel. I am gradually developing a thicker skin to some of the other mums, but it is incredibly hard. I try and focus on the overall benefits of dd's attendance at mainstream and I think that having teachers like you do who are doing their best to teach the other kids how to show empathy and understanding is a massive bonus. One of dd's teachers and even some of the more understanding parents at my dd's school told me that dd's inclusion had been very beneficial for the other children because it had allowed them to learn more about empathy and thinking about others.

Yes they've been really on the ball with it its just this nagging worry that they won't notice all of it or she will feel she is laughable and stupid. Argh its so hard and this is exactly what I worried about with mainstream but you are right it isn't worth giving up on just yet esp as the school are so supportive.

Oh dear USED2BTHIN, I had a similar problem in reception dd does tap people to get their attention as she cant talk much.and one day I picked her up and the TA came out to tell me she had been hitting children and made one cry. I knew that dd doesnt hit in a nasty way and told her that but she said that the other children didnt understand that and it would have to stop I was so upset that she didnt understand and told the senco she was lovely about it. The TA didnt get her contract renewed this year and dd has someone that seems to understand her now. Try not to let it get you down I think we have got to try to have thick skin as someone is always going to bug us. By the way have tried to send you 2 private messages but they cancelled out so will reply to your PM tommoro.

Oh poor you that sounds upsetting, and as if the TA didnt get your dd's needs, glad they didnt renew her! The teacher rang me yday to say sorry the mum approached my mum(my mum told her) and tolet me know it really was no big deal, she wasnt even going to tell the child's mum but the child did and she certainly would tll me eif she fe;tI needed to know. Sounds like the other mum totally over reacted.