Defensive nursery staff

[Hellenbach]

I typed out the whole story and then deleted it, it will only bore you.

The bottom line is why are my DS nursery treating me like I am the enemy?

I have asked for inclusion funding to provide additional support until the statement is in place. All they have to do is apply for it. It will give them money for more staff.

Why are they behaving as though I am doing something awful.

A member of staff who told me (after DS split his lip) that they couldn't cope then denied it when I told her manager. It wasn't a personal criticism, it was meant to help them get more support!

Is it always like this?

Always no but sadly very often I'm afraid you need to prepare yourself to come up against opposition many times as your ds goes through the education system. I try very hard to have a good working relationship with my ds school as I think thats best for me and for ds but its not always easy. Ds first school was absolutely awful, The school I sent him to after was great and the staff treated me as part of the team making decisions about DS education. His current school is pretty good and his TAs are great but the SENCo is lazy and she lies. She basically says whatever anyone wants to hear - she'll back me in one meeting and then when the borough are there and I need her to put her weight behind my request for something she backs off and says its not needed

Getting the best for your SN child often seems to mean battling those that are supposed to be helping. It sucks.

My ds started nursery at 3 years already with support and following our first meeting with the speech therapy, teachers and sen coordinator, the classroom teacher made a complaiNt to the head that I had said they'd given up on my son. What I actually said was: I know how hard it is to get his attention, sometimes you feel like giving up. This was because they said that it was extremely hard to get him to sit down and focus for more than 5 mins. :( the head called me and said I'd destroyed the teams morale, they looked at me like an enemy and I had to measure my every word for the whole year. This teacher read a bit of what I said, completely out of context. On another occasion I asked them to tell me how they were trying to integrate him with the kids from mainstream and they got so upset and said I was saying they were not doing their job. Its nearly like they want you not to get involved or ask questions which is not my approach so I had to meet the headteacher and tell her I wanted to be informed of what's was going on with regards to my sons education. From that time I had to ask any questions via the headteacher. Totally pathetic. That year was bad. He is now in the special unit in the same school full time since sept and new teachers are great but knowing the history they were very guarded to start and I've had to work extremely hard to make them realise that I am a dedicated parent who wants to with with them. Nursery was a disaster and yes they can be sooo defensive!

Sorry I meant work with them... Typing from phone :)

DD's nursery are a mix. We pulled her out after I discovered that they were force feeding her liquid puree at ten months old because they were worried she would choke, we had made it 110% clear she fed herself but they wanted to 'top her up' and so distracted her, got her to open her mouth and then fed from the other side. The fact the key worker laughed as she described how they fed her almost made me sick and I pulled DD straight out until it was resolved. By that point she had gone from being a confident hands on baby in her highchair to crying each time she was put in it so we knew something was wrong.

We have a play plan in place but I am left unconvinced that they spend much time 1-2-1 with her, I admitted my concerns to portage who are going in next week to set out a new plan. The SENCO was in her room but has oddly changed rooms and there is a very hostile atmosphere in the baby room some days. I will be quite happy when DD moves up to the next room in 8 months time. When I try to improve their interaction they say they don't have time or that they let her explore as play is important.

It's giving me a taste of what we may be up against as she goes through the school system......,

My experience with private nursery was terrible. They complained about him all the time, to the point I got him out and hired a private nanny when he was 2yrs old. We then got him in the system and met with a special needs health visit who reccomended speech therapy and portage. Shame we only had portage for 5 months. We got him statemented/ dla before he started school. Its really important that you do that because all the support staff did in private nursery was to blow bubbles when he was upset. Not ideal. He had a chair that he sat all the time for safety and I caught staff making jokes about it saying 'there he goes to his chair'. Terrible what u said about the food. Remember that teachers in nursery are dealing with a high no of kids and the sen ones put a lot of pressure on them as they've got to achieve targets and funding sometimes doesn't cover the child w1-1 for the whole period they're there. Get your statement right and fight to increase the time if u feel its necessary. This teacher I mentioned gave up teaching that same year. She couldn't cope. Its terrible to say but I felt vindicated.

Nursery was a disaster for us too, I couldn't approach them about anything without them taking it the wrong way and blowing it out of proportion - they were always on guard and it didnt benefit the situation with DS at all as I felt i couldn't work with them iykwim, just always against them unfortunately.

School are much better this year, I was a bit taken aback by the difference as I had expected the same attitudes that were held by the nursery.