Shocking method used at school!!

[makemineaquadruple]

Afternoon all!

So i've had concerns that dd isn't mixing well at school and have done really ever since she started in january. I've asked several of her teachers on several occasions whether or not she has friends etc and they're reaction was always something like "yeah she's doing fine and she's mixing well". Dd kept telling me that nobody was playing with her and nobody liked her, but is rather dramatic and was going in school and coming out of school happy, which is very telling. However, at parents evening I brought it up again and her teacher told me that she's a bit of a loner and finds it hard to maintain friendships. Obviously, I said that i'd mentioned it on several occasions and this wasn't what I was told and I got a reaction of a few nods and "oh right". So I wanted this to be monitored and she suggested that we met up a week later to discuss, which I thought was reassuring I suppose.

So a week later she bascially tells me the same thing and then brings out this list. Apparently at story time the teacher asked all the children "who here plays with x(dd)? who here likes(dd) x?" There were a few other children on the list who also had this method used on them because their parents also had concerns about their dc's mixing and I know that they have SN or are being assessed. Talk about being singled out?!!

Am I over reacting? Or is this really out of order? Has anyone heard of this method?

I used to teach, I would never have done something like this in a million years. Extraordinarily unprofessional.

The only way it would be acceptable would be if the DD brought it up herself (without prompting) in a circle time and then they could discuss it. The teacher should have been trying to encourage friendships without it being obvious to anyone.

Unfortunately it's one of those things that the more I think about it, the more angry I get and I really don't want to go into school this angry.

Also, I actually do like this teacher normally and she always has a lot of time for each child. When you have any questions you never feel like she's rushing you, which I found all the other teachers do. So i'm really not sure whether to go straight to her and tell her my concerns or just go to the head.

The teacher even admitted that this wasn't really evidence of her playing with these children or these children liking dd, because the exact same children stood up when the class were asked if they liked/played with the other children on the list. So actually not only is it incredibly hurtful for the child, but it's completely ineffective. Good job overall then really!!

OMG, i haven't read the whole thread, just the OP, but I would be FUMING. Poor DD.
That woman (teacher!) clearly needs a fast track lesson on common sense and psychology.

I hope she does something to help build your dd's confidence. Good luck talking to her (if you are planning to).

That is dreadful.

On that porgramme where they were following the millenium babies up, they asked them at about preschool/year R level to point (from a set of photos) to who they would most like to play with. I remember being a bit about that because it seemed to be pushing them to make solid decisions about friends. But what you've said is much worse. Did your dd mind? I'd talk to the teacher.

De, no, as far as i'm aware it didn't particuarly "damaged" her or anything because she's not mentioned it and is still going in and coming out happy. If something really has bothered her, it will eventually come out. I just can't stand to think of her being in that position. Sometimes she does go off into her own little dream world, so i'm just hoping she did when those questions were asked.

I just hope it was a one off and that they realised it was a completely rubbish system. That doesn't mean i'm not incredibly pissed off that my dd and a few others had to be part of that experiment. Like I said before, the teacher did say that it hadn't really told them anything, so i'm assuming that means they wont do it again. I guess I wont know unless I speak to the school though.

Words fail me. As another poster said, I would cry if someone did that to me. I don't know what I'd do if I was in your shoes - I know what I'd want to do but that's an entirely different thing.

makemine did you get a chance to speak to the school? Hope things are good with you.

mango, no I haven't yet because dd's been off school for quite a while. I'm still not so sure if I should just let it go.