Sick of the school help please.

[funkynamesareallgone]

Hi, I need some urgent advice, re school. We moved into this area 6 months ago. 6 year old had loads of support, was starting the statement process. New school is dragging their feet, he's fine blah, blah. blah. Well he isn't because he makes my life a living hell about going to school, he is quiet as a mouse whilst there, yes because he does not like going, I get the rubbish.
Well the two main issues he was being statemented for previously is Nappies/pain threshold as these are two significant care needs risks.
Week before half term, he gets pushed over and it's reported to me as he spoke up about it/a teacher saw it.

He is always coming home saying that kids push him and try to get him in the mud, but he forgets to tell the teachers. Being Autistic and all... He had extra care in his old school for this, toileting and things to help him integrate. I have TOLD AND TOLD AND TOLD the school he is not settling in, and he needs more support. No he's fine I'm told.

Final straw today. He came home and his nappy was full of stones. FULL of them all wedged into his bits and pieces and he was red raw. God knows how long he was sat like that for. He says a child threw stones. This is more than throwing a child must have physically put their hand into his nappy to do this. Tell a teacher? He CAN'T that is why he is in nappies, his sensory issues. So unless there is a visual clue........he had no idea he had tonnes of stones in his nappy. So he was left like this for goodness knows how long. It makes me so cross.
I'm absolutely furious and I don't know where to go with this school next. I want a formal meeting but what do I do? Is there any tips, should I take third parties along?

I find the whole situation really neglectful tbh. Not to mention as soon as he saw the stones, I tried to hide them. He was hysterical and I've just got him to finally calm down enough to sleep.

I just don't know how to get it through to the school the lack of support compared to what he used to have is having a massive impact, they just don't care as long as he is ok at "school" which clearly is questionable.
Sorry for the long post but I'm really quite upset and don't know where to go next with this brick wall.

1. Take your boy to the doctors 1st thing in the morning (sorry but stones down a nappy sounds v. unhygenic and that's a sensitiive part of the bod to pick up any infections!). Photograph the stones or take them into show the GP.

Your poor lad's physical health comes first. If your GP does them get a doctors note to keep him home till he's healed - you'll prob wanna do this anyway.

1. Ring up social services and report the school for neglect (if you sent him TO school like that you'd have questions to answer - so don't feel bad).

1. Write a VERY strong letter to the head teacher telling her you don't feel your kid is safe at school, explaining the incident and telling her that you expect a written response by X date listing what actions the school will be taking to support your child and how the effectiveness of those actions will be monitored. Copy this to the sen officer at the council,(the one doing the statement), the chair of the governers. You also expect a formal meeting with the sen officer + the class teacher + the head before your child returns to school after a serious incident like this. It can't wait 6 months for the statement stuff to go through - they have a physical duty of care to him NOW.

1. Check with sos!sen & IPSEA helplines if there is anything they can do to help - they are wicked letter writers and know a lot of legal ins and outs. If your child is autistic the NAS have a good helpline with a database of local contacts.

1. Start looking for other schools. The statement allows you to name a school. Hopefully this incident will shock the current into pulling their finger out but info is power as they say.

I'm SO sorry this has happened. My ideas above are only that, ideas & hopefully more knowledgable bods will be along soon- I just couldn't leave your post unanswered.

Agree with what bochead said.

You said you TOLD TOLD TOLD the school the school that he is not settling in and he needs more support and you were brushed aside. That is, unfortunately, not that uncommon. In your letter you might want to mention it so that school cannot say that it was unexpected/unforseen. It is important that you start laying a paper trail now if only to get evidence for your application for a statement.

You can also say that you cannot send your son back to school unless he can stay safe - under Every Child Matters, that is one of the outcomes to well-being in childhood and later life.

You might want to ring Parent Partnership and ask for someone to go to the meetings with you. As to how effective they are - it differs from area to area - and they are paid by the LA. However, you will have an outsider/Third Party at meetings who can also act as an independent witness to things said, especially if what was said is disputed.

Hope your son feels better.

agree with the other ladies, get this in writing in the form of a formal complaint. Parent partnership should be able to support you with this complaint but do keep an open mind with them when it comes to statementing. Where are you with the statementing, is it all underway, if not apply yourself now. In the future, should there be any more incidents, make sure everything gets documented.

THis is awful.

I agree with what the others have said.

Ask the school for a copy of theirr Child safety policy (they should have one and it should be available to parents, although they might ask you to read it there); they should also have a governor with resposibility for safety so copy your letter to the head to the chair of the governing body as well.

He is now on antibis. Infection his willy is red raw. So upset. Getting a referral to pp.

The school still haven't called me back. I'm not happy at all. I'm waiting a call back from the NAS, can take some days and getting in with the parent support worker.

He is going to be of a couple of days anyway until his medicine kicks in so I can change the never ending nappies with antibs and his will can settle down. I can make sure he drinks lots and stays cool.

So I've got a couple of days to start addressing the school. I'm going to phone back my local support network if they haven't got back by lunchtime to ask what to do.

I'm just so angry and upset. I hate having to fight the school just to help. Now they may actually understand. A lot of the stuff which happens goes unnoticed as they never spotted he had a nappy full of rubbish. So he is having unnoticed problems.

Just had enough of it all. It's such a struggle.

Look on the school website at bullying policy / behaviour policy / complaint policy etc so you know what they say they should do in these situations.

I would also write to the SEN officer and give a factual account and saying that you want the LA to intervene and ensure the school put in appropriate measures eg 1:1. Or you may want them to give you a list of other schools or even consider emergency transfer eg to a unit or special school (only if you want that)

If your child is out of school for any period of time they should provide home tuition see this report and also IPSEA has info on its website.

Has the Statement transferred? Surely the same level of support should be in place until a new assessment and Statement is issued. In what ways are the new school / LA not meeting the Statement? If they are in breach of Statement again IPSEA has resources on is website

I really feel for you and your poor ds. We've been through exactly the same thing. Because ds1 was quiet, and got on with stuff at school they refused to acknowledge and problems. It Took a lot of reports from the OT before they finally acknowledged that he wasn't coping.
I think bowhead has given some great advice. It might be worth involving an OT too to help with the sensory issues. Mine sent a sensory diet to the school and has also requested a safe space and get out cards for him.

Please excuse typos, bloody autocorrect!

Agree with bochead

He isn't statemented to clarify. They submitted the reports ready to start in the old LEA, but we moved before it could be done. Forces.

This school are saying he does not need it. As he is fine. School just told me he was involved in another incident yesterday. With a child going for him as he winds them up, with everything having to be just right, the seer of justice. Well yes he is Autistic..............

They tried to suggest it may not have happened at school, or it may have been him, she asked me this 4 times. I put her straight.

I don't know if I can contact the SEN dept, without him having a statement only SA+ currently.

you can apply for a statement yourself and I'd get that done now if I were you, there's a template letter on ipsea here you don't need the schools approval to do this, it's your choice.

That is shocking, stones in his nappy wtf. I would have expected the HT to have been in contact straight away.

No advice re:statement but good luck, hope your dc is OK

Sorry but your last comment was a MASSIVE red flag. If they had any common decency they'd be falling over themselves to apologise to you - did they bother to ask if he's OK?

Phone social services! Do it now before you bottle it. Of course you can contact the sen department - you are the parent of an sen child - it's their job to assist your child. He now can't access his education due to his injuries and the fact you can't be sure it won't happen again - this is serious.

Put in your formal application for a statement yourself when your boy is feeling better - that way everyone has to copy you in on stuff and you will know timescales are being adhered to.

Please don't feel intimdated by these people - channel your inner "mama bear" (I do know it's hard!). Until your child is big enough to fight his own battles you are the ONLY ONE who can.

If you are a forces family - is there a welfare offcer who could advise/attend school meetings with you connected with the services to help you feel confident?.

Can onuly concur with the further counsel that bochead has given you.

I would also now look for another school; even if there was a statement in place (which there is not and I would urge you to personally apply for the statement when DS is feeling better) they would not want to help him. Some schools are far better than others when it comes to any SEN issue.

Let us know how you get on.

SSAFA might be able to help; it may be worth giving them a call.

Keep posting here too.

This is really worrying. Stuffing stones into a disabled child's nappy so they're 'wedged into his bits and pieces' is very weird behaviour. If he came home from a babysitter like this... if you sent him to school this way... imagine if a health visitor found this, what she might be concerned about.

Education and SN considerations aside, I think you need to report this to social services or the police. Today, before everyone gets muddled about what actually happened. And before the school say 'he did it himself' which is the obvious next line after 'could it have happened at home'.

You'll make sure your ds is ok, and probably get him out of there forever. Someone else needs to investigate and protect the 'bully', if only to spare his next victim. And it won't be the school, from your posts.

and if you really can't bring yourself to call SS / police, ring the nspcc or the school nurse (google your county/borough/area + NHS + school nurse service)

Hi, i am shocked and disgusted at the level of disregard the school has for your Ds's disabilty and how they have let something like this happen whilst your ds has been in their care. The others have given some great advice, a letter needs to go to school governors, do state that you will inform OFSTED. They can go in very quickly.

This matter is very serious, you need to speak to the disabilities team at the LA, they are seperate to social services, and put in a parental request for stat assessment, template letter on IPSEA website.

It is important that you evidence everything, take ds to doctors again and keep a record of who you have spoken to. PLEASE do this ASAP, to ensure that appropriate action is taken. You need to make as much noise as possible otherwise this incident will be played down and covered up.

Also don't rely on the school for a statement. Send a letter into the LEA today or as soon as possible requesting a statutory assessment. Ask the old school for all of their information and submit it as evidence. The school don't want to apply for a statement as it's a lot of work and expensive as they have to pay for all the experts out of their own budget. They also have to show that they have done everything they can to make the placement work already. Schools don't always have the best interest of the child at heart just their budget.

If the school are saying it could have happened at home then they are shooting themselves in the foot because the obvious response to that, is that if that isthe case they would have noticed when he was changed, and if they didn't change him all day then why not?

My Ds is at a special school and children in nappies are routinely changed just before lunch and just before home time; plus extras if needed. This alone would warrant a statement, so please when your Ds is better put in your own request for one.

Dear God, that is DREADFUL.

Appointment with Head, phone Parent Partnership.

He needs a Statutory Assessement ASAP.

The school are fools if they don't. It sounds like he needs SALT and unless they want to pay for it then they NEED a Statement too if they don't want their budget screwed up.