Feeling ambushed at school today re CAF

[Triggles]

Okay. Things have been rather chaotic for us anyway lately. But SENCO called me today and stated she wanted to speak to me just to catch up on what's going on with DS2 lately, no problems. So when I get there, I'm met by SENCO and some other lady that apparently wants to arrange a meeting to organise CAF for us as they apparently aware that I've "been under a great deal of stress lately." No warning about this or anything. I explained that I had already discussed this at length with the OT, and we agreed that it was not necessary at the time, however, I would check back with her regularly and let her know if I felt at any point that I wanted it. OT was fine with that.

This was quite a high pressure sell today on it by this lady. Not a clue who specifically she was or what organisation she is through. I was so annoyed by it as they insisted that they wanted me to "meet with her just for a coffee and to answer some questions - it'll only take about an hour." I told them that I would consider it, but that I was not agreeable to anything invasive in our lives right now, as I was stressed somewhat but coping fine at the moment. (And to be honest, I don't trust it when they're pushy like that.) I point blank asked if they had any actual concerns about DS2 and his care and our homelife and they assured me numerous times that no they didn't, but knew I was dealing with a heavy load of responsibility and stress. Yup. Find me a parent of a child with SNs that isn't, thank you very much. I told them I was concerned that it would be intrusive and that I would not appreciate that type of "assistance". (especially not if it's going to be dictated by people who are quite happy to ambush me like that!)

I'm seriously tempted to contact the OT by email and just ask her if I could meet with her and discuss this at some point with her, as I'm feeling rather railroaded by the school at the moment. They also had previously told me we would need to decide where DS2 will be going to school in yr 3 by summer, and today they said we needed to decide by February or March at latest! They asked if I had spoken to anyone about school choices at all, and I mentioned that I had spoken to the paed, as well as a couple friends that had some good helpful information, and I was grilled about how well "qualified" they were to advise me - I simply pointed out that as DS was MY child, I would search out a number of opinions on local schools for him, NOT just those people they wanted me to speak with. I'll happily speak to them, but I'll search out my own references as well. It's MY decision, not theirs, and I don't appreciate them questioning my right to a wide and varied bit of research into what school my son will potentially be attending.

I suppose if they are on MN, they will know who I am now but I really am not fussed over that. I'm also a bit stung, as the school has been so cooperative all along, this is a bit of an about-face. I know I've been stressed and all, and honestly at times I've questioned whether or not I was getting depressed, but looking back, there's a pretty healthy line between where my mental health is sitting (and has been) and where DH's has been (with his clinical depression), so I'd say I'm alright.

The SENCO also made some noise about the "higher powers" (I assume she doesn't mean God ) wanting some CAF involvement in children that are statemented. I'm not sure if I believe that.

so you still don't know who the other lady was? Didn't she introduce herself?

To be fair, she probably did... but I was a bit sideswiped by it all, and probably just didn't take it in.

I've heard nothing about CAF involvement for statemented children anyway.

you might like to have a look at Children's Workforce Development Council (CWDC), Common Assessment Framework (CAF)

Oh you are so like me when dumped in the middle of a surprise zone

Basically contact the school by email and say that you want to know EXACTLY who this other person was. If she had introduced herself then apologise for not taking it in at the time due to the fact that this meeting was not arranged with someone additional to the SENCO. Please in future could I be well informed of who is attending so I am totally aware of what to expect when I arrive.

THEN make a decision. If school are refering to "higher up" ask WHO they are.

Get facts and absorb what was said (write memory notes) before deciding anything :)

Hi Trigs. Good advice from above. Social services, I bet.

Also, it's true at least about them wanting you to choose DS2's next school by Easter. I had to choose my DS2's secondary by the Easter in Y5. But that is for their convenience, rather than the law. They just want it all tidied up by then so they can plan school intakes. If you have a school named on his statement that is suitable and cost effective, he can go there, even if you don't decide until June or so, just before he starts. They won't like that at all, of course, as it'll upset their planning. 18 months beforehand is ridiculous, though, especially for a child of 5 whose needs could change hugely in 18 months. Do visit the special schools I mentioned when you get a chance, and check if you 'see' your DS fitting in there.

They know that DH has been having mental health problems, and they pushed on that saying that they could possibly help get counselling lined up quicker for him. I told them it was in hand already (as DH made arrangements for counselling today). I didn't mention marital problems, as I felt it was none of their business at school.

I'm highly tempted to contact the OT and speak to her about it. She was very clear that if I was not happy to have CAF involved/started/whatever, that it could not progress without my approval/agreement, but if I would like it, she would be happy to get it started. I may simply tell the woman at the school that I do not know her and would prefer to discuss this with DS2's OT, as I know her better and trust her (and have already discussed this with her at length), and that if I want CAF, I will request it through her.

I would think that is a reasonable response from me, don't you think?

Ellen, I absolutely will visit those schools. The problem, IMO, with selecting the school is that it largely depends on how many hours of 1:1 he will be provided. If it's FT, then I would consider continuing with MS. But if not, I would not be comfortable with him being in MS as he is far too vulnerable and would easily be a target of bullying or mischief due to his lack of understanding, not to mention the risk to his safety. So I'm not really sure how to approach that.

And can you believe they hassled me about qualifications of people giving me advice about different schools in the area?!?!? She literally asked me to tell her what their qualifications were!! I told them that it wasn't something I was prepared to discuss, as if I had the opportunity to speak to parents of children attending a potential school, I'd be happy to do so, to find out how they liked it. And their qualification is "parent." What's it to them?!?! I was very clear to them that I would be getting input from a NUMBER of different sources of MY choosing... they were horrified. What's up with that?? They wanted me to only speak to THEIR person about it.

uniCorny - he's had a statement since June, it's never been mentioned before. I suspect they're being rather loose with the truth saying it's supposed to be for all statemented children.

dolfrog - thank you for the link - very informative!

coff33pot - yes, I do NOT like being surprised. It puts me on the defensive IMMEDIATELY. I imagine the woman will be contacting me by phone to set up the "coffee meeting" and I will drop the lead balloon there and then saying that upon review, I am more comfortable dealing with the OT with this and if I require this type of intervention, I will request it through her. I imagine it will put their nose out of joint. If they try to push it further, I will simply tell them to put it in writing, and I will consider it further. (and then tell them the same thing )

Bloody Hell! I suppose teachers and TAs are professionally not allowed to make recommendations so she was trying to find out if anyone had done so. The LA would look very unfavourably on anyone who did so. Stick to 'parents of children with SN,' they can't argue with that!

Again, they seem to be pushing you towards SS, maybe they really don't think he'll cope with MS juniors (or MS juniors won't be able to cope with him!) It may be that an MLD SS will suit him well, I don't know him at all to be able to comment. I know from what you have written that he's fairly academically able. You'll have to make sure that he'll have a peer group at any SS, which is why you need to look at them and see if he'll fit in. I met some lovely, eloquent (sp) teenagers from Belmont, a few years ago, and I was pleasantly surprised. Belmont had few infants attending at that time, but more in the way of juniors and seniors. They do tend to take those who haven't succeeded in MS for one reason or another. Betteridge is more SLD or complex, your DS would more than likely be too able. Alderman Knight, in Tewkesbury, has a great reputation, but is in Tewkesbury... Milestones in Gloucester may be worth a visit, but again, your DS would be too able, I think??

Oh yes, DS2 has had a statement since 2005 but never a CAF.

When she initially asked me about qualifications, it surprised me and I mentioned that a couple worked in a school setting (which I thought was vague enough), but when she questioned further, I point blank said "I discussed this with them as a personal friend, NOT in their capacity as a school employee, so I hardly think that matters."

Yeah, they do seem to be dancing around SS quite a bit. I discussed it with the paed already as I knew we would be making the decision (although didn't think it'd be quite that soon!), and they seemed a bit put out by that as well. God knows why. Perhaps because when they were pushing for SS (even though they stressed at the time that the discussion was "off the record as they weren't really allowed to bring it up to me"), the paed point blank said NO, it's not appropriate to make that decision right now, he needs to stay where he is. But yet they swear they are not trying to get rid of him. Odd.

Yes, he's one of these that tends to inhale factual knowledge. Rattling off times tables at 5yo rather threw his teacher a bit. But for the cleverness in maths and being able to read words, his comprehension is not so great, and his handwriting is appalling (at least he comes by that honestly, DH's handwriting is atrocious!! ). Straight factual stuff (maths, recognising and sounding out words, computer stuff) are learned at lightning speed and never forgotten. Stuff that requires him to draw a conclusion involving comprehension and prediction is quite difficult for him. And of course coordination issues means he has difficulty with writing, although for some reason he is obsessed with joined up writing right now.

I wonder if it's the behavioural issues that are making them think SS? If your DS will fit in well academically in MS, but be too challenging behaviourally, that might make them look at EBD schools, which would not be appropriate IMHO. Your DS needs good, or at least adequate, role models. I'd say look at the SSs, but try to hold off making any sort of decision for as long as possible. (Which is what you were doing anyway! ) My DS has managed perfectly well in MS with support and he's quite autistic.I couldn't have known that at 5. And future medication possibilities may make a difference again. I think it seems to be hard in our LA to move from SS to MS, easier to do the opposite. I know lots of local DC with SN, none of whom have moved from SS to MS.

I would say it probably is behavioural issues. EBD? Sorry, not enough coffee, but don't know that one. I will be holding off as long as possible.

I just trying to figure out how I can choose the school before I know how many hours 1:1 he'll have, because that will make the difference. sigh

Hi Triggles, only just started to read the thread and have to go off for a bit now, but will return later.

Just wanted to give you a head's up that you've used ds's name in your OP. Didn't know if you already knew, but thought if you hadn't realised, you might want to report your own post or something.

Emotional and behavioural difficulties. Tend to be called BESD as well, behavioural, emotional and social difficulties.

Good spot, moose. Copy it first, change it and re post it further down if you need more advice. It can be a pain for you when it disappears completely.

I have reported. Thanks, I didn't even notice!! I think it was just once, and I'm reposting it with DS2 instead of his name.

------------
Okay. Things have been rather chaotic for us anyway lately. But SENCO called me today and stated she wanted to speak to me just to catch up on what's going on with DS2 lately, no problems. So when I get there, I'm met by SENCO and some other lady that apparently wants to arrange a meeting to organise CAF for us as they apparently aware that I've "been under a great deal of stress lately." No warning about this or anything. I explained that I had already discussed this at length with the OT, and we agreed that it was not necessary at the time, however, I would check back with her regularly and let her know if I felt at any point that I wanted it. OT was fine with that.

This was quite a high pressure sell today on it by this lady. Not a clue who specifically she was or what organisation she is through. I was so annoyed by it as they insisted that they wanted me to "meet with her just for a coffee and to answer some questions - it'll only take about an hour." I told them that I would consider it, but that I was not agreeable to anything invasive in our lives right now, as I was stressed somewhat but coping fine at the moment. (And to be honest, I don't trust it when they're pushy like that.) I point blank asked if they had any actual concerns about DS2 and his care and our homelife and they assured me numerous times that no they didn't, but knew I was dealing with a heavy load of responsibility and stress. Yup. Find me a parent of a child with SNs that isn't, thank you very much. I told them I was concerned that it would be intrusive and that I would not appreciate that type of "assistance". (especially not if it's going to be dictated by people who are quite happy to ambush me like that!)

I'm seriously tempted to contact the OT by email and just ask her if I could meet with her and discuss this at some point with her, as I'm feeling rather railroaded by the school at the moment. They also had previously told me we would need to decide where DS2 will be going to school in yr 3 by summer, and today they said we needed to decide by February or March at latest! They asked if I had spoken to anyone about school choices at all, and I mentioned that I had spoken to the paed, as well as a couple friends that had some good helpful information, and I was grilled about how well "qualified" they were to advise me - I simply pointed out that as DS2 was MY child, I would search out a number of opinions on local schools for him, NOT just those people they wanted me to speak with. I'll happily speak to them, but I'll search out my own references as well. It's MY decision, not theirs, and I don't appreciate them questioning my right to a wide and varied bit of research into what school my son will potentially be attending.

I suppose if they are on MN, they will know who I am now but I really am not fussed over that. I'm also a bit stung, as the school has been so cooperative all along, this is a bit of an about-face. I know I've been stressed and all, and honestly at times I've questioned whether or not I was getting depressed, but looking back, there's a pretty healthy line between where my mental health is sitting (and has been) and where DH's has been (with his clinical depression), so I'd say I'm alright.

--------