DS becoming friends with SN child - advice/resources for when questions come?

[brawhen]

(I've never posted in SN before - apologies if I get anything wrong here)

DS1, NT & nearly 5, is becoming good friends with a boy at his after school club. This boy has Down's Syndrome.

I don't think DS1 is currently aware of anything 'different' about the other boy, or if he is then it is irrelevent to him. It's not something I think I need to bring up with DS1. But I would like to have up my sleeve some helpful things to say about it if/when DS1 does bring it up - prompted either by himself 'noticing' or by another adult or child commenting.

So - can anyone point me in direction of suitable sharing book / resource that would address either the 'everyone is different' kind of angle, or maybe something Down's specific (suspect DS1 a bit young for this?). Or any general advice on this - eg if you think it would be better to bring it up with DS1 proactively?

(BTW - I don't really know the boy or his family - have said hello to his Dad once when we overlapped at pick-up time. As the boys are not at the same school and parents are working, I doubt we'll naturally get to know them by bumping in to them etc.)

TIA

TBH, my kids are friends with various kids with SN - and they never ask anything.

I didn't realise that E was blind and C had Down's Syndrome (and was non verbal)! It just wasn't something they mentioned when I asked who did they play with.

(Nor did it occur to DS2 that playing hide and seek with E wasn't a good idea )

Kids work out their own explanation. But mostly, they just don't care.

It's great that you are thinking proactively about this with regards to answering any questions your DS might have.

I think as he is only 5 I would go for a current approach of dropping into conversation things such as how everyone is different and that's what makes us special, our uniqueness, how we all have strengths and weaknesses, and how someone might struggle with one thing but be really great at x,y and z.

There are lots of great books showing positive images of children with disabilities and special needs, maybe go have a look in your local library if you have a good one nearby, or some books on amazon show you a sneak peak inside the books before buying and have reader reviews on.

I was thinking along the same lines. But another parent said to me the other day "Your DS1 is playing nicely with the Down's Syndrome boy" - have you had questions from your DCs prompted by what other adults have said??

Would be very happy for it to be a non-issue.

Sorry - that was to IndigoBell

Indigo I have found that with my DS who is autistic (he doesn't notice children's differences at all), but my friend has had a very different experience with her son (in same class as my DS) who asks LOADS of very deep thoughtful questions about the children in his class. I don't think sharing a child's diagnosis and all the details is necessary but I think if your child does notice and wants to know more it is helpful to have some of the answers for them and that they are positive and sensitive ones.

I know my DS who is 7 and still in pull ups has had questions and comments from children, and I have had other parents tell me (in a kind way) that their dcs had asked them about it.

Can I ask why you're asking the question? Are you just worried that if and when he does ask you what the differences are between this boy and others, that you wont want to say the "wrong" thing?

My dd who isn't classed as SN, but stands out as being a bit "strange" I suppose, is best friends with a boy with downs syndrome. Her other friend has moderate to severe autism. I think she know's that they're different in certain ways. She will often say that "X doesn't understand does he." I think she likes to look after them.

My approach is to say nothing unless she specifically asks me. On the odd occasion she has, i've just said that all children and adults are different and some people need help with certain things that others don't. I've never mentioned the words autism or downs syndrome. Not because I don't want her to know, but simply because it doesn't mean anything to a child of that age. All dd knows is she likes some children and not others. It's just that dd's best friend just so happens to have downs syndrome.

Aah brawahn comments like that do rankle me. He is a BOY with down's syndrome, not a downs syndrome boy and why wouldn't your DS play nicely with him?! Some people are soo strange. Kids like who they like and don't thankfull have the same prejudices as some grown ups do! If that comment was said in earshot of the children I can understand more you asking these Qs as your DS may have overheard!

I guess I'm asking the question mainly prompted by the other parent's comment above, and thinking about what DS1 might ask if he hears things like that - eg specifically labelling Down's or a disability.

Tbh, on the 'everyone is different' and strengths/weaknesses angle of things I'm not so concerned. It's natural to talk about - and I we already do it with DS1 to eg talk about the fact that he doesn't like big noisy parties but other people do.

I am inclined to not say anything unless DS1 asks specifically - part of asking advice here was to check that others think that the right approach.

Also should say that don't want to make this a mountain out of a molehill!