I don't know what to do....

[Lily15]

My son turns 8 in March. We recognized early on that he is dyslexic and he gets superb support and has come on leaps and bounds. He is a good boy at school- he's interested to learn and has lots of friends. People always comment on how good he is. This behaviour extends to home ONLY when he is doing what he wants. He is a sweetheart until you ask him to do something he doesn't want too. It can be anything from homework to brushing his teeth.He is rude, he talks back- he has even started shoving me. I have to supervise him to do simple things or else he gets distracted. He makes holes in his clothes or the wall whilst he should be doing his homework and then can't answer why he does it. He gets over emotional and cries after doing something naughty. He is angry, short tempered, nasty to his little sister, impatient, unable to concentrate. He gets frustrated very easily. He can't sit still unless it's to watch something on he wants too. It's escalated in the past year. I stay as calm as possible and he gets 7 mins time out when he is naughty but nothing changes in the long run. Is it a phase? Or something else? It's as though he physically can't do as he is told. Like impossible to resist the temptation of doing the opposite. Please help.

do you have a set routine? if not i would try, eg, home from school shoes off coat hung up, homework, tea, play time, supper, bath, story, bed all at set times - something along those lies that you can do every night. my ds has SN and is good at school but a monster at home if he isnt in a set routine morning and night. psychologist said its because he has such a set routine at school that he can cope whereas at home its not so set that he has to find ways of coping, the better the set routine the more he is able to cope.

Could it be his way of venting his frustration? You said he is good in school and receives the correct support, but I am assuming that he must really put the work in, which maybe leaves him tired and irritable?

My DS's workload increased when he entered year 3/KS2 which lead to a few months of an exhausted lad, who was doing some of the stuff you described in your OP. Add to that dyslexia and maybe that is why he's a bit all over the place. Maybe have a word with the SENCO if his behaviour doesn't improve around Feb? (was going to say Christmas, but I often find they get a bit wild with excitement ).

From an asd perspective, I'd say it sounds like he's using up all his coping skills at school and has nothing left by the time he gets home. My asd child has always done this, she aims to please but its an act and its not sustainable, so we have to monitor it. We have done lots of work on 'feelings' and communication, and keep giving her opportunities to say how she feels about things; also we keep clear and constant communication between everyone, eg school home, carers, respite etc, so we're all working from the same script, and she's not 'getting away' with jekyll and hyde stuff!

However i dont know your son. there are other possible explanations I'm sure, but asd is what I know, so thats my POV