Feeling a bit sad, re IL's

[keepingupwiththejoneses]

A few weeks ago a local charitable group raised money to buy ds an advanced mobility pushchair. The charity is basically a group of young lads in their early to mid 20's who raise money to buy stuff for local disabled children so rely on local publicity, also have to add they are a fab group who have offered to raise some more money for ds to get him an Ipad . Anyway our local weekly did an article about ds with a photo of me and him in his pushchair. It was in the paper on Wednesday and over the weekend DH got a phone call from his db, who mentioned the article and said that DH's sis and him where very surprised to see we where 'telling' people about ds's 'problems' . Ds has significant asd, sld and behavioural problems, hence the need to keep him 'contained' IYKWIM.
We see sil once a year on Christmas day and bil maybe 3-4 times a year. They live within 3 miles of us but they just don't bother, haven't since ds1 was little as he has ADHD and they couldn't cope with him, so have no idea about ds2, in fact ds2 and I didn't even go on Christmas day last year so haven't seen sil since Christmas before
It has made me so angry that they have the nerve to say that. They have no idea about ds and don't bother with us.

I can imagine how annoyed you are with them. They probably feel guilty that they haven't tried to help more. I think that some people still would rather disability was kept hidden in some way. Say ' isn't it great that these people / or COMPLETE STRANGERS want to help ds'!

They are ridiculous and you are within your rights to be angry and fed up with them.

Well done to the young people who are trying to help you to make a difference to your Dc's life.

I have some family members like yours.

what a lovely group of young men, shame the same can't be said for your ils!

Thanks for the replies. Sil really hasn't a clue, apparently she got really annoyed that me and ds didn't go for Christmas day, they meet up in the bar of a local hotel so not like they go to a house, there was no way ds would cope with a packed out bar with lots of noise never mind how open it is, he would just run out the door. DH just said ds wouldn't cope and she shrugged and said 'well the other kids are fine' and walked away . Thing is dh is 1 of 5 and these 2 are the ones who are married with dc's, the other 2 bil's are single with no dc's and are fab about ds, they really make the effort, which confuses me to be honest.
Yes they really are a lovely group of lads. They have just recently organised a huge dragon boat race event and raised £8k towards a wheelchair accessible boat for our local marina.

I'd be annoyed too, frankly none of their business. It's lovely those lads are helping out. How can a child get help if you don't share their disability... Please ignore your in laws.

What a great group of lads! Its good to hear such nice people are about. :)

As for the ILS forget them. Tell them straight you dont believe in turning up for xmas once a year and put your children under stress purely for appearances sake when they cant be assed to visit at any other time. Then you will guarantee they will leave you alone and keep their oppinions to themselves for good.

sometimes it's the childless people that don't have expectations of how a child should behave.

i reckon the in laws have had people asking them about your child, having seen it in the local press and they are on the defensive coz they never see you

I would agree with waitingforgodot on this. I imagine people were commenting to them or asking about your child, and as they don't see you much, they couldn't really say much, which is embarrassing for them and speaks volumes about them to others.

They are idiots. My IL don't know about the girls autism dx's. They haven't seen the girls in years and frankly couldnt care. I learnt early on that people who make your life more stressful aren't worth the stress

Maybe the youngsters could shame them into helping with fundraising .

They are probably embarrassed by the fact this means people ask questions, ashamed at their lack of contact, guilty for being relieved its your dc who have problems, jealous of any additional help or benefits your dc get, ignorant about adhd and asd, fearful their dc will somehow be tainted by disability (evil eye, bad luck, behavioural influences... take your pick). And too caught up in their own lives to take an interest and risk feeling obliged to help out.

At least your branch of the family only has limits caused by disabilities, and not a bunch of pointless hangups getting in the way. Doesnt sound like thryd be any use as babysitters though! It's a shame they're missing out on the rewards of knowing their 2 lovely nephews, but thats their loss, not your problem.

I think you have hit the nail on the head maria, they are both very money motivated, I think they are jealous of the extra help we get for the boy's, also their dc are the type that just sit there and do nothing, weird if you ask me.
I very much doubt it is because people have asked them about ds, as I said we have almost no contact and as you can see we have a very common surname so not really a link there.

Ah, daily wail types. We have some in our family too.

Ignore this ignorant woman. She is not living your life with your disabled child.

I think it's wonderful that you have this charitable support. If like me, your child's needs and difficulties break your heart, you don't need people like your in laws commenting on your situation. It is YOUR situations bollocks to them!

for you. I'm about to use my ds's DLA to get him an iPad. Now, at £600 some might feel it's a little ott for a ten yr old. I'd prefer he, my ds, was out on his bike with his mates or playing footy on the field outside. But he can't do these things. He has asd, ocd and tourettes. He's articulate and bright and he has no life outside of our home/school and no friends. What he CAN do is enjoy his fascination with google maps and youtube's Annoying Orange.

Anyone who doesn't like what your trying to do for your child should bugger off and mind their own business. As my mum would say "if you have nothing nice to say, keep your mouth shut". Perhaps someone might enlighten your sil?

You are so right LaDolche, I would love ds to be able to walk to the shops with me, play outside or even play on a playstation or Wii, but that isn't going to happen anytime soon if ever. I agree some people may think £600 is a lot to spend on a 10 year old never mind a 5 year old but we know it will do our ds's a massive amount of good, ds also has very little speech so an Ipad will also help him with communication as well as his learning. I hope your ds enjoys his. Also had to share this link with you it may help a little.

Oh gosh, I can see why you are upset.

However, you never see them and they arent a part of your lives - by their choice - so let it go.

The fundraising lads sound great btw!

My mums first comment when I told her ds1 was severley dyslexic was
"He isnt slow, is he?"

Sometimes you have to accept that people are ignorant and move on x

ladolche Its no-one elses business what you spend your DLA on!!! Hope your ds enjoys the ipad!!!

In the words of "Annoying Orange"....."true.....true!"

just as an aside incase this is any use, the family fund will provide an ipad if you are eligible. Dd3 (5) has just got one, she's a whizz on it, so nice to be able to see her use something independently.