Partial dx received today

[Triggles]

Paediatrician told us DS2 has a partial diagnosis today. ADHD & DCD - (which for some weird reason they use an acronym of DAMP - which I find horrible!!) He also has sensory problems and extreme social communication problems. Still grey on the ASD aspect of it. He was a tornado in the paed's office. She has suggested ritalin again... we're just not happy with it, due partly to his age (5yrs), and partly due to the fact that he's already on other meds for eczema and asthma. We've told her at present we are not comfortable going to medication, but will be open-minded about it and revisit it as he gets a bit older (and more difficult to control physically). She also felt that the school may suggest he go into a special school as of year 3 (when he would normally go to the next school after his present infant school).

She's also looking into finding some sort of support for DH in the form of counselling, as he is having serious coping problems and cannot deal with DS2. She mentioned "respite" a couple times today, but honestly if we can get counselling for DH, that's our biggest stress right now. We have "respite" in the form of full time school. Now if we were homeschooling, that would be another issue entirely!

Not sure how I feel about getting a diagnosis, to be honest. I'm actually not horribly upset over it, as it's pretty obvious about the ADHD & DCD for him, so I was fully expecting it. It doesn't really CHANGE anything. And they still have other problems they need to address as well, so while DH is in a bit of a tailspin over it, I'm actually not feeling much different. (although tired from the long day)

Glad you are getting somewhere, Triggles. I really hope the paed can help with getting some counselling for your DH. I have heard of DAMP as an acronym, mainly on here! Do you feel that the symptoms of DCD combined with the ADHD cover all of your DS2's issues? They may do, I suppose? I'd have a look around Belmont and Alderman Knight if you get the chance. Children in both schools seem to come out with GCSEs. (((hugs))) and for now.

Glad for you that the pead is looking into some councelling for your DH. Hopefully that will come fast :)

No dx doesnt change anything you are right there. He is still the same lovely lively boy you had before the appointment :)

Hope it all starts picking up for you now x

Really glad things are moving forward for you triggles, try not to worry too much about his next school for now, you have enough to deal with.

I just wanted to ask if your Ds uses ventoling much?? My Dd1 who was nearly Dx'ed with ADHD 14 years ago used to react really badly to ventolin if taken in large amounts. Her behaviour used to become uncontrollable. She was the same with steriods too.

Just a thought.

Sorry, that should have been ventolin, my typing fingers are on autopilot.

EllenJane - thank you for the suggestions, I will definitely look into those places. I did tell the paed that some of his behaviours are NOT covered by that - so there are obvious issues still undiagnosed. I think they're still a bit up in the air re the ASD. He shows obvious signs of it IMO, but has never showed them in front of the paed, due to circumstances. I would say HF, to be fair. I was told that having the sensory issues practically automatically places them somewhere on the spectrum, but paed is not sure. Again, I'm not going to get into semantics with her, as it's really just words on paper, isn't it? oh god yes, could use some of that - it's been a particularly trying day. I'm really inside out on the whole medication thing.

coff33pot - thank you. I think the paed was taken aback by how "lively" he was today. She looked a bit surprised, but then, she's only seen him on his own without his younger brother along. He was in full glory today - all over the place, climbing, touching things, asking a million question... I initially was about it, then realised "um, hello... that's why we're HERE!!" And yes, I definitely hope the counselling can be put in place faster this way. She also said she would contact the continence nurse and tell her to contact me, as I've emailed her and left messages to no avail. Honestly, if she can't be bothered to contact people back, I can't imagine she'll be much help. Even the asthma nurse said they have difficulty getting ahold of her (continence nurse).

what does dh think about a ritalin trial? if he's having serious problems coping and it is affecting his mental health, do you think it would be appropriate to do a trial to see if it does help? if it doesn't, at least you'll know...

i'm not too concerned about meds either way, but i know a lot of people who have been vehemently against them, and then after years have been persuaded to trial. a certain percentage of them then felt as though they had failed their child by not doing it sooner - as it has such a dramatic effect on ability to function, and none of the 'zombie/ not my child/ drugged up' side effects they had been concerned about.

the meds aren't suitable/ don't work for all kids, but if it affecting your lives so much that dh needs counselling, maybe it's a case of whether it works best for the family, as well as ds? particularly if they are discussing special school etc as well? meds might allow him to make up some ground and stay in ms?

so tricky when they are little - difficult to know what to do which will give them the greatest chance of meeting their potential.

glad you are holding up with the dx though. some things get to the point where it's just confirmation and a relief, rahter than a shock.

(i should aslo add that the continence issues were the reason the gp wanted us to trial meds - he felt that the add was affecting ds's ability to process the messages from his bowel etc - thus leading to encopresis etc)

DH's depression is not entirely due to DS2 - there are other issues at work as well, but it's part of it. DH is actually very much against us medicating DS2 as well. I'm probably not as worried about it when he's a bit older, but everything I've read says that they do not recommend it prior to age 6. I wouldn't say I'm "vehemently against them".. just that I'm not comfortable with them at this point. Certainly not ruling it out for when he's a bit older.

As far as the special school, a lot of it is due to his impulsiveness (he's a runner with no sense of danger) as well as his vulnerability (comprehension/understanding problems especially for social interactions but really for many things).

I think special school can sound scarier than it actually is, which is why you really need to visit at some point. Though you do have nearly two years! I have no personal knowledge of the meds but I can understand your reluctance at his age. Some do swear by them, others get the 'zombie' effect.

ok that makes sense. always difficult to know what to do for the best!

Triggles, it sounds like at least things are starting to move for you now. I really hope they can expedite the counselling for your dh, as that more than anything sounds like it would help relieve a large proportion of the stress you've been under recently.

I know what you mean about the dx not really changing anything, but in my experience it does help direct appropriate support in your dcs direction and means you are more likely to be taken seriously and listened to, rather than treated like a neurotic mum by certain professionals.

Definitely have some and give yourself some time to breathe and take it all in.

((hugs))

No time to breathe. DH has gotten physical when disciplining DS2 for the 3rd time in the last week, while shouting at him. I have told him and told him not to do this, and he simply shouts that he has the right to discipline him. Between this, the issues with his depression, and just his going OTT over every little thing (example - DS2 knocked over a glass of soda at a restaurant today and DH was shouting and swearing over it - what's really the big deal? ALL kids do it at some point!), I just can't do it anymore. I cannot have this around the boys - it's dangerous and it's really detrimental to both of them. I've told DH to move out permanently tomorrow. It's going to be tough to deal with this, but so be it. I'll have to speak to someone about supervised visits re the boys, as DH absolutely cannot cope with them and does not maintain safety stuff (especially due to depression as he's been having memory issues as well as anger issues). I also think he's developed a drink problem, although he won't admit it. First thing he wants when he's stressed is a drink.

What a rubbish day.

urgh.

Oh Triggles ((more hugs))

I wish I knew what to say that would help, you have had far more than your fair share of crap to deal with recently and are well overdue a break.

I really hope this is a turning point for you and the boys and things start improve for you all now.

I'm so sorry, Triggles. But it doesn't sound like he's been any help for quite a while. You can do this, you really can. Make sure you get a bit of a support network around yourself, mil, DD plus some friends you can call on in an emergency. Lots of hugs.

hugs Triggles xx

You have made a difficult but a sensible decision right now. Your DH is big enough to help himself if he wants too and I am sure the MIL and SIL will give him support to do this.

You need to concentrate on the children who rely on you and cant help themselves.

You yourself need time out from all of this upset too. A bit of meeeee time xxxx

Sorry to see that you have had such a rough day. :(

Argh... I HATE the grousing about "you just don't understand that I'm depressed.." crap... yes, you're depressed, but while I understand it, I cannot sit back and allow him to mistreat the children. Apparently (after a year of insisting he treats them better) I am asking too much too soon...

How are you doing today?

Just to let you know my DS (10) also has a diagnosis of DAMP which I really feel is a vague sort of diagnosis that he got because he didn?t really meet the criteria for any definite thing. The paed said that he has traits of lots of things. The reason for the DAMP diagnosis is that he has traits of ADD and dyspraxia but probably not enough traits for a full diagnosis of either, at least for the ADD anyway.
He also has sensory and auditory processing issues and the school have recently raised the possibility of him being ASD. However I ?m not sure if the dyspraxia covers most of his ASD symptoms as they are mainly sensory related and he has good social and communications skills . DS takes medication for his attention problems and this has been successful in that it has helped him to focus more and not fidget as much and not be as silly but then it doesn?t help with one of his biggest problems which is self organisation, which can come across as inattentiveness but its different to the ADD type of inattentiveness if that makes sense. I think generally its worthwhile to give medication a go. You can also change your mind but at least you will find out if it works or not and and then make an informed choice. However DS didn?t start taking it until he was 7 and I am not up to speed on the consequences for giving it to younger children

Sorry to hear you problems with DH. Hope things look up soon

ben10 oddly enough, DH is still here. He has been the soul of discretion today, and very patient with the boys. He went to his GP appointment and requested further assistance, and called a counselling service and set up an initial assessment. He has helped around the house and been making a serious effort to keep his behaviour in check. I have relented and said provided he continues in this vein, we will continue to work on things together. I'm probably foolish for wavering, but I'll admit this CAF thing has shaken (and annoyed) me somewhat, and we do tend to pull together better when dealing with outside stuff against us. (see the ambushed thread on this board for the gory details ) I don't have a clue what the future holds for us, but I'm hoping against hope that this has been a bit of a wake up call to him that he could lose his family.

paranoid2 I don't mind the ADHD/DCD part. I just think that DAMP is a miserable acronym to use, IMO. (although we ARE trying to contact the continence nurse, I'm pretty sure the DAMP doesn't refer to that specifically ) Yes, paed has said a number of times that DH's problems are "extremely complex" and that it may take some time as he develops and gets older to really get a good handle on the specifics - all we can really do is make an effort to recognise his needs and go from there. As far as the meds go, I would possibly be more willing to do a trial if he was a bit older. We have an extensive family history of asthma, diabetes, high blood pressure, and a small bit of heart problems. The very last thing I want is to put his health at risk. If that means we have to work a bit harder for now to avoid that, then I'll do that. I did tell the paed that we are willing to revisit it when he is older.

I did make it quite clear that if need be, I can deal with things on my own. And that financially I would be fine as well. So I think he's quite well aware that I could easily survive with just me and the boys. (perhaps that was a factor, that he realised that I am fully prepared to do so if need be?)

Triggles Well that sounds like progress from him - that is, if you want him to still be part of the household. DAMP is a pretty horrid acronym . I remember when I first read that in a book I thought that is wasn't anything I had ever heard of. Anything to stop you just saying ADHD/DCD instead?

I have to say that you are sounding quite strong........

Hi triggles

My friends son was dx with DAMP 18 months ago - he was 6 at time of dx.

They were also - understandably - reluctant to use Ritalin BUT changed their mind a year ago and they now say its the best thing they have done for *

Its really helped him enourmously and he is still at MS school in Y4.

Hope you manage to sort out some counselling for your dh. You are so strong!!!

Ben10 I think it was a combination of telling DH flat out that I survived for years as a single mum before we were together and that I could easily do so again if need be. Made me feel like I wasn't powerless, which I know sounds very cliche, but it's true. I guess I just needed a few days on my own with the boys to remind me that I CAN do it if I need to. And I think it made DH realise it as well. And god yes, I will use ADHD/DCD as opposed to DAMP - I think DAMP is dreadful

Beca - thank you for that. I really do think they believe we're paranoid of the meds, but I have told them repeatedly that while I would be more open minded when he's a bit older, everything I've read indicates they should not be given to those under 6. As far as schooling goes, while DS2 needs the 1:1 to assist in managing the hyperactive and impulsive behaviour, he also has pretty extreme social communication difficulties as well as sensory problems. We were told the meds wouldn't do anything for his comprehension and understanding in general, which makes him incredibly vulnerable. Someone, another child perhaps trying to wind him up or bullying when they realise he has SNs, could tell him to do something and he'd happily do it - with no regard to whether or not it was dangerous, illegal, or hurt himself or someone else. And EVERYONE is his friend, regardless - even people he's never met - and he would quite easily go with anyone that spoke to him in a friendly manner. So due to these things, MS would be out of the question unless he has full time 1:1 support to keep him safe.