Any advice on how I could of handled this differently

[Blossomhill]

Dd ( 6 with communication/language disorder ) has recently started to hurt either her brother or us. She also self harms too.
About an hour a go ds (8) cried as she had bitten him. So dh sent her to her room. We could hear a lot of shouting so dh went up to talk to her and found her buzzing as she was so obv. stressed out. She was biting her arms
Dh bought her back down and ran straight up to the radiator and tried to bite it, she was so stressed. She said to dh "tell me I am not having any pocket money for a year" She also said to "frown and look angry".
We asked her to say sorry to her brother and explained what she had done wrong. She stomped up and said sorry very aggresively and stomped off. She then got very, very upset.
Dh explained that she had to say it nicely. Ds (who is a complete saint) was her best friend and he loved her very much. She did eventually go back to ds and apologised to ds.
She then went into another room and was sobbing her heart out like she couldn't deal with it. I sat her on my lap and gave her a cuddle but she told me to "go away".
I just hate seeing her like this, just would appreciate any advice on anything we did wrong.

God its hard isn;t it. I guess don;t send her up to her room if you think she might self harm. How does she respond to a "hands down" if she's biting. I;ve never found a way to stop ds1 self harming when he wants to. Davros is your woman for this sort of thing.

Thanks JJ. I haven't actually tried hands down so will give it a go.
Maybe sending her to her room wasn't a good idea in hindsight but we have a fairly small house and I want her to know it's wrong iykwim. I just hope our Camhs appt comes soon as seeing her so stressed is very upsetting.
Poor ds, he is just too understanding at times.

Haven't got any advice sorry BH, Ellie is a lot younger then your DD

Just wanted to say how hard it sounds and send you a, is a hug to corny?!!!!! anyway.a hug!!!

I usually send ds1 and ds2 off to a quiet space when they get to that stage. So far they haven't yet both fully kicked off at the same time (touchwood!) so just one area is needed. It's more about giving them a chance to calm down without anything to distract them rather than as a kind of punishment. Most of the time it works but not always. During one of ds2's more recent meltdowns he started headbutting the walls when I moved him away from ds1. I just couldn't take the risk of him damaging himself and brought him back into the room. When I asked the Paed about it his only advice was to leave him to it. I don't think I could do that though.

Sorry. No real advice but I know how difficult/impossible it can be. I hope you're feeling a bit better and not blaming yourself. xxx

When Ds gets like this we usually take him into our room and put his favourite film on and just stay with him a while until he calms down, i know this wont work for everyone and sometimes you just have to let them work their way through it which is hard.

You sound like you are handling it in a positive way Blossom and its so nice that your ds is understanding.

I think the thing that worries me most is that my gp said it's worrying that she is doing it so young. Makes her far more likely to develop depression in the next few years.

Christie - thank you, that is a great suggestion. I love the happy hands and sorry card idea. Will start to use that.

Sorry mean hands down!

Christie' ideas are very good. What worries me though is that this issue is already being described in a "mental health" way, esp considering she has a degree of SN. Why is it being called "self harm" rather than self-injurious behaviour? Why is the GP talking about depression. It sounds like she gets into a high state of anxiety/stress and isn't able to express it in an ordered or even recognisable way. As she has a communication disorder this fits in totally with it being related to communication. Just because she is very verbal doesn't mean it isn't still a problem for her. Christie's ideas of the cards are excellent, also developing a routine for this sort of incident such as sitting her in a corner of the couch, making eye contact, holding her hands down and maybe a count? BTW, I won't suggest putting her in the conservatory as lurked on your other thread

Just seen the bit about the GP.It sounds as if he is confusing self harm in a cutting myself because I'm upset, with a biting myself because I have SN and am frustrated.