Trouble with teacher/ new to reception

[skewiff]

I'm not sure how to describe this ...

I posted first on primary education about my son's teacher bringing me into the classroom at the end of the day and telling him off in front of me. I felt that she was a bit too brutal. She ordered him to look at her and ordered him to stop smiling. He never is able to look at me when I am cross and often smiles in a nervous way when told off. I felt so scared of the teacher myself that I couldn't say this at the time.

This really is a long story and I can't go through explaining it all again (if you want to know the whole story then its all under 'Should I speak to the teacher?' on primary education).

However after lots of discussion on there I have been advised that my son should be getting more support from the school and that I should organise a meeting with the teacher and Senco.

DS has hemiplegia, which is a form of cerebral palsy. He has a statement of special needs - level D.

I am not yet sure whether his behaviour is affected by his brain damage - is there a way of finding this out? - I was under the impression that there wasn't, but people suggest on the other thread that there is a way.

The school has not provided a 1-1 support. I am doing his physio for an hour in the morning before he starts school. Actually I am happy with both of these things. I know that DS would be driven mad by a 1-1 person hovering over him all the time. He does need extra help, but not all the time. Probably not even 50% of the time.

I would much rather do the physio myself (he starts late in class in the morning) as I know that a TA would not have the knowledge or inclination to do it as perfectly as I do - I mean that tongue in cheek and kindly - its just that I have four years experience of knowing what to do and am DS's mother - of course I want him to do the exercises as well as he can.

This is not a very good opening post. I am sorry. I suppose I just want to know what I should be asking for and what is on offer in schools. I have found the school (which I chose because I've been told they are brilliant with SN) to be very closed in its approach to me. They don't seem that keen on talking much about my son and what he needs. I have initiated a few meetings but there have been none since he started in September.

I'll stop there. If anyone has anything to say, I'll add more later.

Thank you for reading.

Yes well went and looked on primary education and as usual around MN they jump down your throat given a chance before anything constructive comes up......so for that reason I will post here lol for risk of being hung by saying the teacher was wrong.

She was wrong to tell him off at the end of the day for two reasons not even to do with his SN. He didnt want to tidy up in the morning...............lost his playtime..........he has had his consequence for his actions. He didnt want to put his coat on and so had another consequence. TELLING OFF DONE I PRESUME?

Secondly this child is in reception so he is 4? exacty 4 years old. With or without SN it is unfair to leave a telling off till the end of the day when the event has well passed its sell by date........if someone was having a go at me all of a sudden I would have this "smile" on my face trying to remember what the hell it was about!

The only thing I saw on the other thread is about social skills. Yes this is abolutely important to help kids learn manners and how to converse with peers and be polite etc. So the school should then perhaps start some social skills practice in small groups to help your son? Are they doing something like this?

And yes I can understand the teacher asking him to look at her, but some children find that impossible to do. I think she needs to gain his trust in encouraging eye contact during the good times before she can expect him to attempt staring at her when he is getting told off!

I would definately arrange a meeting with the Teach and the senco about this anyway and dont be afraid to say you were not happy. Tell them that you consider your son already has had his consequences during the day so doesnt warrant another dressing down infront of you. To avoid this suggest a home book where they can write any incidences concerned about in that. That you will then discuss anything in private with your son at home. That will at least help you to avoid this teacher and your son getting it in the neck at end of school.

Surely they must understand that if he is having physio in the morning he just might be too tired to comply initially.......

If you get the home book and there are incidences in there and you know he has had his consequence then I wouldnt give him another even if the school expects it. I would take the opportunity to use a social story about it instead.

Avoid forums like PE because there are people on there who will never get it; you need to post here on this particular forum instead.

TBH Skewiff I'd be now looking at other schools. This lot seemingly don't want to support your son with his educational or additional support needs.

I can certainly understand why you want to do his own physio (I assume as well that the specialists showed you all the proper techniques re this) but by doing so you are also making a rod for your own back in the longer term.

Was 1 to 1 specified on the statement doc you received?.

I have read that other thread.

Re this comment of yours I noted from that:-
"DS is level D and school says there is not enough money for 1-1 support".

You are being fobbed off and badly so.

Your son needs to see the developmental paed asap; the EP can only make recommendations re educational needs and since your son already has a statement in place such people are not likely to visit.

Skewiff, you are your child's best - and only - advocate here. No-one else is better placed than you to fight such battles for him; this is also because no-one else actually will do so for him.

I agree that if he had immediate consequences of his actions (which is the preferred way to handle it, both for the age and for SNs), then there was absolutely no reason for another dressing down later. It was for your benefit, IMO, that the teacher did this, sort of to show she meant business. Either that or she simply has an issue with her temper.

I would insist on a meeting immediately with the teacher and the senco, informing them that you want to discuss these types of issues. Set out (WITH them) clear guidelines as to how these types of situations need to be handled, what type of support you believe he needs, and go over his statement with them and make sure it's being followed. There should also be things on his IEP (which should be reviewed regularly, with you at the review meeting) regarding social behaviour and other goals.

Oh wait - just saw the stuff re the 1:1 and not enough money. If it's specified on the statement, they MUST provide it. Insist. A GOOD 1:1 will not "hover" over your son, but actually foster his independence while providing support as needed.

Thank you everyone,

The statement says 1:1 and small group work. It does not quantify how much. I did try to get them to quantify but got nowhere with it. Should have taken them to tribunal, I'm sure. But I use so much energy up in helping my son to develop physically that I did not want to use up that time. Plus he is doing so so well and I felt that he may not really need a 1:1.

If I am honest the real reason that I fought for a statement was because we have no school catchments at all in our area and therefore without a statement he would have been shipped to a rubbish school far away.

This school may sound rubbish BUT it is renownd for being brilliant for SN children ...

I really do want to do DS's physio and am sure that a TA would not do it all half as well. I'm not sure if you all know about reflex therapy but most of it is comprised of this (it takes a long time because he has cerebral palsy and so we have big obstacles to get over). These exercises if done half heartedly are not worth doing at all. I suppose that could be said for all types of therapy exercises.

I will go and arrange a meeting with SENCo and teacher. I'll talk about the fact that hemiplegia is probably affecting DSs behaviour and can we look into it with an ED psych.

How would a developemental paed be able to tell about behaviour? When DS is out of school he is beautifully behaved. Especially when he is with adults. Its when he is in group situation with children that he gets a bit crazy.

Got to go now. I'll come back here later.

Hi Skewif, I'm so glad you came on here!
You will find the support and advice completely different from the PE board
I hope you had a chance to google the hemihelp support site. I double checked this morning and they have a really 'easy to read' list of behavioural/developmental issues that are common with hemi.

Gosh yes mishy mashy - they were all a bit harsh weren't they? I tried to ignore the full on criticism but of course it did upset/confuse me a bit.

I have just posted on hemi help but will look at the list you mention now. Thank you so much.

coff33pot thank you for your ideas. I will definitely suggest the home book to the teacher.

And I will have the confidence to say that her I did not like her tone and timing of talking with DS.

I am just a bit scared that if a teacher is criticised (particularly her sort - she is head of reception and trains all the training teachers in the school - and she is SCARY) they might throw DS out of their class. Not that I would really care - but I don't want to get a bad name for myself or him from the beginning.

Reading that back it sounds pathetic and daft.

Her manner threw me though. She was so bombastic right with me there that it was as if she totally assumed that I would be OK with it. Just that in itself and of course all the 'you must always support the teacher' replies I got on PE have made me unsure of my initial gut instinct.

If my parenting choices conflict with the way a teacher works - well how does that then work??? Do they have the right to just keep on bullying your child, but just not when you're around?

And Triggles - yes I think it was to show that she 'meant business'. I think my son is not scared of her and not doing as she says. That is awful. But all I can do is repeat and repeat that he must do as the teacher asks/says - and what I say at home rarely makes a difference with school - even if I threaten to take things away etc.

I am interested in what you mentioned coff33pot. About social stories. What are they?

Anyway I can see that the teacher was meaning to show DS that she meant business. So perhaps then that means it was OK ...

I know still that we need to talk about how his hemiplegia is probably affecting any bad behaviour though.

ok so the teacher is head of reception and does all the training. Then you could safely say one of two things. She either thoroughly knows her stuff or she has a reputation to keep and woe betide any child says no or is defiant to her in anyway.

Maybe the best way to approach this meeting then is to play into her hands initially. Instead of saying exactly what you think of her methods try the "I absolutely agree this behaviour is not a good route for DS to take and will support your endevours and look forward to WORKING TOGETHER on helping things. I would also like to add that this behaviour is not tolerated at home and please appreciate I find his actions a little odd as we rarely see this side at home

Then BUY a book and take it in with you. Pass it over and say "I bought this as I feel it would be best under the circumstances to have a home school book. I thought about this greatly and I think it would be valuable for three reasons, 1) DS cannot tell me the full events of his day. 2) I can be well advised and support you by ensuring I discuss things as they happen each day. Just plop it in her lap. 3) Because of the recent events we feel that in someway his hemiplegia is affecting his behaviour in some way. I intend to investigate this further with relevant proffesionals and the home book would also be as a valuable diary for the proffesional should he need assessing

Social stories a great. I am not proffesional in that but I know lisad I think is the one that has come up with some great stories if she doesnt post here perhaps pm her a message :)

The point, I think, to remember is that your son shouldnt be "scared" of her, he should be respecting her as an authority figure. Big huge difference, IMO.

The consequences she used immediately after the incidents should show him that she means business. There was absolutely no reason for her to go after him again about it. It is meaningless to him at that point.

Also might be worth it to schedule the meeting so that one of his other medical supports (paed, OT, or something along those lines) that is in your corner could come with you to the meeting and provide some input as well (not to mention backing you up and being a witness).

Thank you Triggles - good idea. I'll try to sort this out too. We don't have any therapists that have seen DS recently as we have very few employed by the borough. Just one OT for the whole of the borough who has never seen DS - apart from to make one hand splint.

And our physio has just left so we've got a new one. But the new one sounds nice. I've spoken to her on the phone. So perhaps I'll invite her to back up a bit about hemiplegia in general.

Or I might bring DP along. He's very good with these things.

coff33pot: I like the homebook idea. Can it have positive aswell as negative things in it? I just feel that the teacher might use it as an opportunity to inundate me with negative feedback. And I'd like to reinforce with her that DS works best when he is talked to positively rather than always negatively.

I will buy one and give it to her though.

Hello Skewiff, Google Hemihelp for info re: hemiplegia, they have an excellent parent's helpline and SCOPE run a training course on Behaviour and CP. Too late for me right now to read whole of the thread but these two organisations should give you plenty of advice.

www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=hemihelp%20and%20behaviour&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CBsQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hemihelp.org.uk%2Fhemiplegia%2Fassociated_problems%2Fbehaviour%2Fcoping%2F&ei=6sm5TvTJHtTs8QO9lu2hBw&usg=AFQjCNHRP7t2-Bl1OT4MRDBhQsqT-_urlA&sig2=O7mNftBBwML0AGEzSodh_A

The Educational Psychologist and the Autism specialist both put in their reports that a Home/School book be maintained and positive as well as negative be put in it. I wouldnt worry about all bad stuff going in it and dont take it to heart when you read it (I did at first) Just think along the lines of you have written proof that clearly your son is struggling and you can then show it to relevant proffessionals to get it sorted :)

Bear in mind you can also write about anything going on from home too like he had sleepless night so very tired today or dog sick and he is emotional about it........that sort of thing. So it is usual in a variety of ways.

What I do suggest though is when it gets to a few pages from the end......keep it and buy a new one. Or photocopy the pages as schools retain them if you dont and you have lost all that valuable history :)

Sorry coff33pot - but do you tell your child about the home book? I am wondering because if you were to talk about something that had been written in it such as 'Mrs X told you off for such and such today' - well my son would soon cotton on and want to know where I was getting all this information from.

I could lie and say that Mrs X had phoned me. But I'm not always sure if lying is a good idea (on a grand scale).

However I'm thinking that if I was to tell DS about the home book he'd be a bit miffed that he was sort of being spied on every day.

My DS wasnt aware of the home book initially but he is now as we now use it as a postive book as well as the bad bits. His TA uses it to emphasize praise ie if he has come indoors at end of play or written a lovely sentence she not only praises him but says oooh we must let mummy know about that DS and she writes it in the book infront of him. I then make a song and dance at home and let him choose a sticker to put in the book to show how pleased I am. Same goes for if he has had a down day. They dont tell him its going in the book of course. But I always read it and then discuss the day with him without opening the book infront of him as in first asking him how his day went and then prompting him a bit ie how did dinner go? if something happend then.

He knows the bad bits go in there but I dont give him consequences at home or come down on him hard for school actions, they have dealt with it. I told DS we need to know if you have had a difficult day so we can put things right the next day or see where things went wrong and try to make them better and he accepts that and is thrilled when there is more good than bad in the week as he gets a reward for the good behaviour and the scale of the reward depends on the amount of stickers :)

He also knows that I write in it as if he has been poorly the night before I actually say I will write a note in the book so your teacher knows you have been poorly. We use it positively iyswim

But its a great way to trace patterns of bad events and sometimes you can then talk to the school to avoid triggers.