if his mri was clear, and there were no specific 'symptoms' then i think you'll be hard pressed to find any hospital that would have continued to monitor? how often did he see comm paed? (i think gosh would just have referred to local comm paed for ongoing work anyway tbh - dd2 has cp and was referred to comm paed and away from the hosp consultant as soon as poss - about a year i think?)
paed appts for kids are usually every 6mos for tinies and then 12 mos as soon as it becomes clear there aren't any specific medical issues.
re risk assessments - i dunno. i'm more of the opinion that doctors only have the time and resource to see children when they need intervention for sure. the resources are so limited even for the kids that definitely need immediate intervention, that overloading them further with kids who don't necessarily need it but might benefit from it because they might develop traits in the future doesn't seem particularly sensible or necessary. in an ideal world it might be desirable (but then you do run the risk of 'pathologising' nt children etc) but it wouldn't work for the underfunded and beleaguered nhs... it's an interesting idea, to map out a risk assessment for as/asd as (perhaps)part of the hv assessment programme at 2 yrs (although hasn't this been canned?) or at entry to school (they do checks here on entry to kindergarten for example, for all children, to see if they need any ot, pt, slt, or whatever support for school). it def doesn't happen in the uk though.
i don't think it's that nhs hopsitals are all in cahoots - it's just that they all have minimal resources and funding, and so won't be taking children onto their casebook who don't need intervention... i'm thinking that there might be some exceptions to this, but can't come up with any at the mo.
it does seem like they are all in cahoots, but really they are trying to eke out their resource to as many people that need it. the ones that might need it don't get a look in.
but i don't really know if this is what you mean as i don't know your dc's background.
i don't really know enough about as/asd to be able to offer any opinion on whether dx at 5 was appropriate in your case, either... ds1 is nearly 10 and still hasn't been officially assessed, let alone dx.
it might be interesting to discuss your own dx with families who have two or three children with the dx - i think that in those cases it is sometimes appropriate to look at early intervention and dx, but not sure in families where no history exists?
i'm just concerned that spending so much time on the 'what ifs' might not be helping you in the long run i guess... for example, we returned to the uk when i was 28 weeks pg so that dd2 could be born in the uk. (my two other dcs were born in different countries, so dd2 is my only nhs baby. we had the choice whether to fly back early and deliver, or stay in the country that ds1 was born in. with three tinies, i decided to go back to the uk so that i had family support post birth.)
so i now have the niggle in my head - if i had stayed where i was, i wouldn't have had an overworked nhs midwife and a student doing my care (it was supposed to be the student's first live birth), i would have had an obstetrician and a team of nurses (midwives don't deliver here). does that mean that dd2 might not have suffered a birth injury at all? or does it mean that she would have died? completely different system of care.
the nhs saved her life, certainly. but only at the point when she had already sustained brain damage leading to physical disability. would constant monitoring and an obstetrician mean that i would had a cs early and she wouldn't have been brain damaged? or does it mean that they would have missed everything and she wouldn't have survived at all? sometimes the 'whatifs' aren't answerable and it's best to try and keep them at bay. (that way lies madness etc)
only you know whether it's worth your while to pursue the complaint. sometimes you feel you have to, even though you know it's completely hopeless. but you have to be prepared to accept that all the energy you expend might lead absolutely nowhere but more frustration... or it might lead to a new early warning system that can be used for diagnostics in high risk children...
but it might not. it isn't going to change the outcome for your ds, though, that's certain, so make sure your personal priorities can accept the workload.