others mums at school causing me stress!!!

[trasa]

hi there,
well what can i say apart from my nerves are going!!!
ive had enough.......
to make a long story short....ish!! my son got a diagnoses of mild adhd 3 wks ago.no one knows apart from teacher,
since then a mum at the school started to complain,saying my son was bullying her child......i went to the school and they have seen none of it.
the school said they are so confident that theres been no trouble between the 2 that they decided to do an observation book,and every hr it would be wrote in,
myself and the other mum get a copy of the book every fri,the fri of half term i got mine and there was nothing to be reported! in fact the boys got on very well,great......
but my son came home today and said he had kicked this other boy hard because he was annoying him,i asked WHY???? he said i dont remember now,and heck would he tell me....
now this mum is going to know about this when she gets the book on fri...
what am i to do?? i just cant cope with this,i know its not alot to worry about,but i am,its stressing me,
what do i say if im faced with her in the morning?
most mornings im in and gone before her anyway,what should i do??
thank you.x

apologise

it's all you can do

I'd apologise to and reassure her that you are taking it seriously.

i have said sorry to her,but she just went into the fact that her son has changed since being in the same class as mine,she said her son is fearful now,is worried,its affecting his home and school life!!!! christ!!
i feel sick....
but the school says no,theyve never seen any of it.
ive spoke to my son,but he just dosent get it,well he dose but then forgets!
he gets very angry and we are working very hard with him every eveing,playing,talking listening games etc.

Wait until you have heard the schools version of what happened, it may not be one sided and your son may not be the only needing to apologise.

DS (dx of ASD) was picked on by a couple of boys and he made the wrong decision to kick back, not that I fully blame him. One of the boys mum decided to be cross with us outside the school gates.

Turns out that her son was behaving far worse, they are now at different secondary schools but we have heard he is constantly in trouble!

Sounds like your sons school is dealing with this well. As long as you always admit when your son is in the wrong and make sure he knows why, then you will be OK.

yes i think the school are doing good,
the 2 boys were not in the same class last year so i was abit stunned when she came out with it all,and upset,i went in and told my son off really bad,i accused him of bullying and hitting,then the school said he hadnt.....
i felt sooooo bad,i always think its mine thats done it,coz it normaly is!!
i dont know what to think
i explain lots to him,whats rite and whats wrong,but you know half an hr later its gone from his brain,forgotten....
why is he like this??

could the boy be telling his mum lies about your ds bullying him? asking this as when my dd was in junior school a mum kept telling me my dd was bullying her dd......as that school couldn't meet dd's needs i took her out and did home ed for a while. i had to take dd to doctors for something and bumped into the mum and her dd, the mum got me pinned by my throat and said my dd was still bullying her dd and she was covered in bruises when she came out of school every day.....told her it wasn't my dd as she didn't go to that school anymore.....she had been out of that school for 6 weeks. the mum went and checked with school and found out it was an older child and her dd was to scared to name them so named my dd instead, the mum never did say sorry to me and dd

Does this other child have SN too?

Reason I am asking is DS cant workout when people are joking, teasing, that something was an accident or bullying. Even if he is knocked down by accident during play he assumes someone has done it deliberately. That said he was bullied and thumped for one whole week so now he relates any hurt to bullying.

Just wondered if this other child might be similar to DS

coff33pot
i dont think this other boy has SN....at all....
although you have just described my boy!! he does not work out when people are joking,teasing,brushes pass him,he also assumes its all deliberate etc.....
they also said at the school that the boy was mear hearted..but it still hurts me that there whole family feel this way about my child,
my son told me in this eve why he kicked that boy so hard,it was because he wanted to play a game in a different way!!! :(

all i know is that that parent has never had an issue with her son,and now she does,and it my sons fault!!
lovely...

Dont be hard on yourself trasa. :) There is always a reason behind behaviour of any kind and you have just been told by your DS why he did it.

Its out of frustration. DS is the same to the point that he cannot play someone elses game at the moment. He tries and we encourage him at home in trying with us every day. But it is the fear of not getting it right, losing, not knowing the next stage in this new game as its not his invention iyswim it all amounts to stress building up.

Try and look at it this way.......he didnt just openly go up to the boy and kick him just because he wanted to. This would be far worse. He did it because he was under pressure.

If you feel that needs addressing at the school ask them to help him more with his social skills, ask them to advise his TA or dinner watch lady to be aware of him and watch out for frustration and intervene before it gets out of hand.

Above all .....although wrong...........there is a reason. :)

yes there always is a reason,you are right :)
its often the wrong reason in our eyes but not his!
so how do i help him??
ive asked the school to help me here,they said they would send him out with some other kids to a lady they have in at the mo to help talk about feelings etc,at home we talk about face expresions,we even pause the tv and ask him what he thinks peoples faces are saying,he knows!! he gets it right,but in the mist of it all he dosent,he sees nothing!only that hes hard done by.
is this part od adhd? what more can i do?
thank you,xxx

I am way off getting my DS dx'd properly and defined as he is classed as 'complex' (helps not a lot)But they are looking at emotional,communication, social skills, pda, spd, asd/as (only 26 letters in the alphabet

But......We insist at home he plays a game with his sister and ourselves every day. When I say game it could be anything from drawing a picture together but on one piece of paper and each has to accept the others ideas, swap pens, take turns. I sit on the edge and praise on how well they are BOTH doing etc. Anything that is turn taking. Watching TV programmes, being patient when someone is watching but also repeatedly made aware their turn is next. Challenge game where he could lose, get mad, you get involved to and lose a LOT but keep on at it with a smile, and oh dear etc. It is a nightmare and I expect you are suffering the same as me. DS will tolerate for short bursts but then his sensory stuff kicks in and he cant sit still or has used up all his "good energy"

If they have a small area at school maybe where he could go outside and get him involved in ball games and interactive games to help him learn the talking nicely skills (which my DS lacks) And turn taking in class, cooking together, anything that another decision has to be accepted by him that another person has made. The teachers play a big part in acting out politeness, acceptance etc to help him get the idea. He may not like it (mine doesnt) but will say a sentence just because he has to

DS notices the happy, tearful, angry pictures but the trouble is when they are already built up to blow they dont notice anything else because they are paniking inside. So they need adult role play to follow.

Bit of a long post lol sorry

thats ok,thank you,
you have alot to deal with too,xxx
how old is your child?has it got better with age?
we do lots of what your doing to,but it knocks you when another parent complains,
do you explain?i havent told anyone!

DS is 6yrs and to be honest I think we are still at the tough stage and the battle of wills. I am hoping as he gets older and matures he will learn coping stratagies. He is bright enough and verbal enough but needs help as although he comes out with a spiel of words none of it makes much sense to other kiddies and so he gets frustrated or runs off.

Today was brilliant and he was lovely, but that was because he isnt going out at play time. School reason is that he wont come back in. DS reason is.......cool because I havent got to be with a huge crowd of kids and I can read encyclopedias on my own instead. He has got his own way and being taught no skills so I am on track to sort that one out sharpish

He has only hit out twice and both to me for good reason, one had persistantly punched him in the stomach 3 days in a row, and one wacked him with the stick the day before (it was reported by school to me) and so he told me he hit him with the same stick so he hurt too. No excuse for behaviour and I wish he chould have walked away but I could understand where he was coming from. I have only had one mum come up to me and have a go after DS hit hers with a stick. I plainly just said I apologise for his behaviour and then looked down at DS and said we need to have a serious talk over or snack at home my boy. That way she saw I was taking it seriously and accepted that I was prepared to do something. I didnt hang around it was said quickly and I was off with no more eye contact.

That is really all you can do is apologise when needed. If they go on another time just plainly say, that you have discussed it with your child and discussed it with the school, as it happened in school please go speak to them then walk off.