NEED HELP AND ADVICE DESPERATELY PLEASE!

[dsisasdNOTabully]

DS is HFA age 9, he has a full diagnosis, fully statemented, IEP, Behavioural plan.

He has been in an ASD unit for 7 days. This is a brand new unit. In that time he has come home three times with minor injuries, facial and to his arms. He has told me now that one on his face was done by a member of staff holding him face down with their hand on the back of his head. I believe him he does not lie to me, he is not capable of it.

I have not spoke to them about this yet though they have told me that he is violent, swearing and bulling in the unit, the bullying was apparently swearing in front of another child, this is their words, nothing else has happened when I asked ds about he said that they were laughing together about the swearing, he was not doing it to be nasty.

I need to know what to do now. I know that he can be aggressive when he melts down, I know that at his last school he swore occasionally when very stressed, he never does these things at home.

I want to keep him at home and home educate him. I simply do not think he is capable of being in school and adhering to school routines.

He has been to four different schools and it has worked at none of them, he just cannot cope. He calls himself "bad" and "stupid" all the time, he says he "can't" do what they want him to do, he gets too angry and upset there. Let me reiterate that he never is like this at home and if it matter I have an NT child who is an absolute angel and loves school.

Please expert MNetters who have been through the system, what now? I feel we have exhausted every avenue. Should I make a complaint about the injuries? If you could even say what YOU think you would do in this situation I think it would help me to see things more clearly.

Many thanks, have name changed for this and will probably get deleted later today.

i would first speak to the school unit. ANy restraint must be noted and signed by you. Make it clear that you believe your child and that you feel this it not acceptable restraint propacol (and it is, i can promise you) and that you want a written account of what happened and how ds got hurt.

I would give it a few weeks in the unit, in my expereince it took a good half term to get settled and any return from a break took time to settle back aswell.

If you still feel he isnt coping i would certainly consdier home educating, but just make sure you have thought it clearly though and not done as a knee jerk action,.

do you have an agreed plan in place with the school for managing the meltdowns - what you allow etc ? I would be having a meeting with the school to discuss the marks immediately and agree management of his agression. If you think you could manage him at home and home educate then perhaps that's the answer for you ?

If you can manage him at home the school needs to find out what strategies and expertise you have that they don't. You might want to consider an independent ASD school but that will mean tribunal.

There is nothing wrong with Home Educating.

There are loads of different ways of doing it, including not having any formal teaching and just following his interests, to having a formal timetable, to enrolling in an online school.

There are loads of HE local groups where you can meet up.

Have you looked at the HE board? Might give you some good ideas.

In your position I think I would HE. I know school should educate him etc, etc. But in the end you care about him more than any principles....

And it doesn't have to be a life long decision. You can take him out of school now, and put him back in in a year or two if you want to.......

Hiya and hugs; I have an elven year old who sounds an awful lot like your ds! Luckily he is now settled in school but heck it's been a long ride!

I also have to run on school run but just wanted to say that if you want a chat about it, or advice in any way (I am one study away from an MA in Autism so know the system and people worth asking) please feel free to messge me X

most of all though hugs.

Totally agree with lisad there should be documentation if he is retsrained. Ds1 goes to an asd school and any kind of restraint even just holding his hands to stop him hitting out is recorded and I get a copy of exactly what happened sent home automatically. They should have a policy and should be following these guidelines. I think you should start by having a discussion with them about their procedures first before you make any decision. It might also be worth looking at alternatives inclusing independents and ask how they deal with issues. my own ds can exhibit very challenging behaviour but is very well managed at school. It can be done.

Go and look on the HE boards and get some advice/input. I found them very helpful when I home schooled for a while.

Am very sorry for you and your ds

My own son was assaulted by staff in a mainstream school earlier this year. I'll always bitterly regret not reporting it to the POLICE straight away as the behavior of the education authorities since has been really SHOCKING. If it hadn't happened to us I would never have believed how low some professionals can sink in a system purpoted to be all about the child.

Please, please don't make the error I did - report it to the police NOW while the injuries are fresh and then step back and let them handle it.

Then keep your child home until the police say it's resolved. Do not trust the LEA/school/ss to take any action, it's easier for them to blame you & the child and sweep and incidents like this under the carpet. If I'd known then what I know now, my son woul dhave been saved a lot of distress.

Not going to the police the day it happened to my child is a regret I'll take to my grave. Drop everything else and go to the police station NOW to do a written statement - PLEASE!

She doesn't know he was assaulted! He might have got hurt during a standard restraint but she's not had the paper work yet.

Thank you very much for all your replies, will try to answer all of them as I can't tell you how much this has helped.

Firstly, ds told me that he was alone with this member of staff. He told me that this member of staff pushed him face first onto a table and then held him down on it with their hand on the back of his head. I asked him to show me and he started crying and said he didn't want to hurt me. He said it hurt him when it happened. When he did it to me he applied a lot of pressure to the back of my head, with about two or three pushes down. He has a mark on his forehead.

We had a very recent meeting where we were told that we would be notified in writing of all restraints, it has happened twice since then and we have not been, although yesterday was very recent obviously.

The wish home school is not a knee jerk reaction, I have been thinking of it for a long time now. I kept him out for three months with GP notes but didn't do too much with him because I was trying to "de-school" him and try to remove all negativity (massive amounts!!!!) that he feels towards any kind of education. We would do things like watch Horrible Histories and then look up more, we watched nature documentaries then would find out more and so on. Basic maths as his maths skills are so poor.

As for the managing at home, the situations they describe as happening at school simply do NOT happen at home, anything remotely similar happens rarely and can be calmed down before it gets out of hand. So much so that family members who do not see ds all the time are frustrated by the schools inability to cope with him as they cannot see a problem at all. Obviously I do and KNOW there is a problem but it just seems to be in the school environment, he so horribly negative and angry towards it. He just seems totally unable to manage no matter how much positivity and talking it up we do with him. He goes in each day with the best of intentions, promising to be "good", really wanting to try his best but just cannot manage to make it through. He is not even in full time, only in the morning at present.

The agreed plan on how to manage his behaviour just seems to go out of the window when he melts down, they just cannot seem to manage him, so much so that at his last school I would be called in a number of times a week to help him. I am fully aware that this situation is NOT fair on anyone involved.

There is a renowned Independent ASD school relatively near us and I would be happy to pursue this and go to Tribunal etc BUT where do I start??? Any information of this would be gratefully received.

Peachy we have corresponded by PM under my usual name re your MA and degree in Autism.

Ideally I would wish to see ds functioning in a school that CAN manage him, but this school cannot and none of the others have been able to either so I can see no option but to Home Educate him. I cannot keep putting him through this.

I hope I have addressed everyones replies. Thanks so much. I feel about 100% more positive than I did when I posted earlier today.

lisa123 - this is one of those situations where the "paperwork" may not be reliable. I can't forgive myself my own naivity. The police are independent of the other professionals so will look at the evidence with a neutral eye.

In the meantime education social workers/attendance bods won't be able to threaten a worried Mum while it is invstigated if she chooses to keep her child home till what happened is established. Sadly not all those who work with kids are as kind or honest as we would expect them to be & our kids are much more vulnerable to abuse than most, and less lkely to believed.

Some lessons in life you learn the hard way. I've learnt that particular lesson and would save others from the pain our family went through if I possibly can.

Has someone like amberlight done a review of your son's school environment. It's worth requesting as it may be a really simple adjustment could make all the difference. Our local secondary asd unit is next to the busiest main road (inner London red route) you could think of. Although I hear the teachers are fantastic I know it'd be a disaster to send my son there simply because of the constant low level traffic noise. These things are't alway immediately obvious to those of us not on the spectrum but an amberlight typr would spot it straight away.

Deffo call IPSEA re getting part 4 on the statement changed as a first step.

What am I asking them to change it to? He-ing? I thought that would have to go before the panel. This is what I mean I am utterly clueless on how to proceed.

This my concern, that we will be referred on to someone, we were being referred to educational welfare even when ds had a doctors note! But managed to put a stop to that by providing copies of all doctors letters.

What exactly can I ask IPSEA to do? I have thought of contacting them but never have as everything with ds is so wooly it is hard to articulate what he/we need from them.

From what you describe in last post I certainly wouldn't send him back and would be making loads of noise!!

I worked in an EBD unit when I was younger and had very little knowledge of autism. The unit staff were all very good but on the odd time I had to ask a mainstream staff member to help, I saw some real nasty behaviour at times, one teacher sat on a child's leg and jumped up and down some would try and make them angrier
I wish every day that I had said something, and have no excuse other than I was young and way out of my depth

Ipsea will tell you what to do - call them and explain the whole sorry mess ; ) They'll tell you the next steps, and whether you'd be entitled to legal aid etc.

Through them I discovered I could legal aid to prep for tribunal and I could get an independent ed pysch report (that report cuts through all the nonsense and finally gives me a document that summarises my son's needs).

They are even attending Tribunal with me this month - so relieved to have someone who knows how it all worked out to hold my hand!

The only problem I found was that it took me 2 months to get through on the helpline for that initial call, hence why I rec the police as your first port of call. IPSEA are deffo worth it, but it could take a while to make contact!

Ok, will contact IPSEA first thing tomorrow and keep trying etc.

I think this member of staff honestly doesn't really get this kind of HFA. I think they have probably only worked with kids who are more co-operative than ds.

I am not sending him tomorrow but am worried about going so far as to call the police, its such a huge step. Can I not just go on the record with the complaint to the LA etc? I honestly don't know where to go from here.

I didn't go to the police cos I'm not the type "to make a fuss", the school didn't want him back, my kid was distraught and I wanted to focus on my child and next steps. It was a massive mistake as it left us totally unprotected, it's amazing that LEA's can "lose" letters of complaint, forget phone conversations etc. The school told awful lies that will follow us forever.

Sadly you are just a Mum and can therefore be ignored, described as "difficult" etc, when it suits them & it will. They close ranks against you rather than admit this kind of thing happens.

If its not in the agreed plan they should not be doing it
If its in the plan it should be agreed with you and compliant with guidelines
Pushing a child against a hard object is not in compliance with guidelines

What do people think about OFSTED do they have a role?
Take photos.
If you go to the Police make sure he is interviewed by someone with proper training and that they video it as evidence so he does not have to repeat it

You can complain to LA and Governors
I would however phrase it carefully ie keep it factual and non emotional simply stating that your child returned home with x injuries on y occasions and on questioning told you z, you believe his account and say you consider this requires investigation.

If you go to the police and anyone gives you a hard time just say if it was the other way round and he was coming to school with injuries that you would understand investigations were required and it is important this is done by someone independent.

My only concern would be Police saying your DS evidence is not valid. If this happens get legal advice.

Another port of call for free first tel call is the Childrens Legal Centre I would probably ring them first actually for tactics

Thank you believe it or not it does really help to even read that. Helps things to be clearer as all so upsetting at the moment.

Well we have decided he definitely is not going to go back tomorrow. Am going to ponder the police thing over night. Certainly if the school start making a fuss about pulling him out then I will be quite clear about the reasons. I have photographed his marks and diarised events.

Going to phone IPSEA tomorrow too. The good thing is that I went on the record before he even started there as saying I didn't feel it would be an appropriate placement for him.

I am hoping sleeping on it is going to bring some answers.

Agnes did not read your post before I posted as I took a lengthy phone call. Yes have photographed the injuries and diarised them.

Good idea about the Childrens Legal Centre will get onto them tomorrow.

"I would however phrase it carefully ie keep it factual and non emotional simply stating that your child returned home with x injuries on y occasions and on questioning told you z, you believe his account and say you consider this requires investigation" I think I would feel more comfortable with this at this point.

I agreed to restraint if necessary, verbally, not signed anything on the understanding that the person doing it would have have training in "Positive Handling". The marks he has on him on his arms etc seem excessive and the one on his head obviously is unacceptable. I have not yet recieved anything in writing about the restraint incidents.