Ds1 was invited to a film night at the local church hall by his best friend. They invited him a few weeks ago and it took place last night.
Some of you might remember that ds1 is phobic about films, but recently he has managed to watch a couple, in fact only last week he watched Bedknobs and Broomsticks with me and loved it.
Anyway, we talked it all through several times and he was insistent that he wanted to go. The plan was for him to go to his best/only friend's house after school to play, then his mum would take them to and from the film and drop ds back on the way home.
He was sooo excited about going and was literally counting down the days, but I knew he was anxious because he was having nightmares several times a night and has been night wetting again. I made sure I gave him plenty of opportunities to change his mind and we have talked about the event lots over the past couple of weeks. I even offered several times to watch all or some of the film with him but he was absolutely adamant he didn't want or need me to as his friend has seen it and its not-scary.
Then, yesterday morning dh and I had a meeting that started before school to review his IEP and discuss is SA request so we needed to be there early - hence a change to the normal routine on the first day back at school. Unfortunately, overnight it had hit him that his whole routine was going to be different after school. He was cingy, tearful, worried he'd be scared of the film and sobbing at the thought of not seeing me until bedtime. I couldn't console him, so had to take him into the school with me, stall the meeting and tell him he could talk to his friend during the day and decide whether or not he wanted to go. If not, he could come home with me when I went to fetch ds2 and we would arrange for his friend to come and have a film-night at our house with popcorn and snacks etc and he could choose the film himself. It didn't help much though and he wanted to stay with me, he was so upset and told both myself and his teacher that he didn't want to disappoint his friend, but he was so scared of going.
Eventually he calmed very slightly, so dh took him round to his queue to find his friend, still sobbing and fortunately managed to catch his friend's mum to explain the situation. She's lovely and said he could just come round to play after school and they'd drop him of before they go to the film, but that he didn't have to make his mind up until pick up time.
So, I took his spy outfit (white tshirt and black trousers and sunglasses) and a packed gf tea for him to the school at pick up time as promised and he came, with the friend and his mum, to tell me that he'd decided to just go and play and come home before the film. Friend's mum is so lovely and patient with ds1, I could hug her sometimes and she said that if he changed his mind and wanted to go to the film, that was fine and she'd text to let me know.
Got a text at 5.00 ish to say ds1 had decided to go to the film after all and they'd drop him back afterwards, so obviously I then spent the next two hours fretting, but hoping that he would be ok once he was there.
They brought him back and on the doorstep said he'd had a good time etc, then he came inside and literally crumbled in a heap on the floor sobbing. He had been holding himself together. He only went because he didn't want to disappoint his friend. (He's is only friend and ds1 is fiercely loyal to him, whilst at the same time always terrified he's going to lose him.) 
He was terrified of the film (it was Cats & Dogs) the build-up to the climax was too much for him to cope with and the fighting at the end scared and distressed him. He sat there between his best friend and another child from school absolutely traumatised and trying to hold himself together until he got home. He couldn't manage a mouthful of the treat filled packed-meal I'd sent him with.
We had a couple of hours of shaking and crying, followed by a meltdown where I was told it was my fault because I should have told him he couldn't go. I explained that I couldn't do that because he then would have been upset that I'd stopped him and wouldn't have believed it was for his own good. (Damned if I do, damned if I don't - again.
I am so sad and frustrated, he so desperately wants to do what the other kids his age do, but just can't cope. He went to the park at the weekend with dh and was asking why he couldn't go to the park on his own like the other boys from his year they met there. Dh told him its because different parents have different rules and different ideas of what their children should be allowed to do at certain ages.
Very little sleep was had last night and he looked like a ghost, all pale with puffy, red rimmed eyes this morning, but has gone to school. My instinct was to keep him home, but he has ICT today, so there was no way he was going to stay home. I sent a note in for his teacher to explain that he's likely to be all over the place and over-sensitive and tearful today.
I know from past experience that this is going to set him right back, we will struggle to get his anxiety back under control and he will be highly emotional and reactive for quite a while now and I am already teetering on the edge after half-term.
Rant over, I just needed to get it off my chest, because I'm on my own all day today, so have no-one to talk it through with.