what kind of therapy could benefit DS1? (asd/hfa)

[thisisyesterday]

I am really struggling with ds1's behaviour at the moment. I've read a bit about ABA and wondered if it would be something that would help him, but thought I would pick the brains of you knowledgeable lot first!
I feel like I am failing him :( I just don't have the time or, quite frankly, the motivation to find out about all the different types of therapy available and how they work and what might suit him :( I am just so bloody knackered by the end of the day I just want to curl up and make it all just go away for a while

so yeah, anyway I wondered if there was anythingwe could do to jus thelp make all of our lives a bit easier.
he doesn't have an official diagnosis yet, but it's likely to be aspergers or hfa.
right now what we are struggling with is being able to communicate sensibly with him.
if anyone says soemthing he doesn't like he just goes off on one, screaming, shouting, not letting anyone else talk just screaming at us that we hate him and that he isn't listening to us etc etc
it's so fucking tiring

also, while he will talk to anyone about anything generally and will just go up and start randomly talking to strangers, he struggles if we meet people while we're out who he knoiws but isn't expecting to see.
tonight there was a knock on the door and it was 2 boys from his old school trick or treating. he screamed at them! he shouted at the top of his voice that if they wanted anything they could just get lost
i was so embarassed (they're all 6 btw)

i just don't know what to do with him. is ABA available on the NHS? or anything similar? is it even the right thing for us?

Can't answer your question about the NHS but just wanted to offer you a big cyber-hug!

We are waiting for a diagnosis but also suspect Aspergers [although possibly also ADHD].

Trick or treat was a nightmare - DS was so excited, had his costume, his basket, had his plans with the local children. House 1 & 2 were fine, then the children had to switch so that someone else could ring the doorbell [not DS] - cue meltdown!!! In the middle of it turned round to me and screamed "You are spoiling my evening - I have to push the doorbell" then punched another kid in the back - now all parent's staring at 'bad mummy'.

School have him in a 'Social skills' group, which I think is run on ABA type lines - perhaps it's worth seeing your SENCO?

nope ABA isn't available on the NHS unfortunately, a minority get ABA programs funded by LEA after a hell of a fight, tribunals etc. I would start off as svm has suggested by asking if school runs any sort of social skills group, and/or what support they might provide to kids with social difficulties. never any harm in reading up ABA, but I'ld look at something more like Social Stories (google Carol Gray, social stories), and books on Autism/friendship/feelings etc to get some ideas. I appreciate that the DIY approach is last thing you will feel like doing at the moment but unfortunately it's usually the quickest way of getting anything done!

Is he getting any additional support at all? Small groups in school, or TA?

Social stories are good, but as Pumpkin says, it is all parent led. We're just starting ABA but are having to fund it ourselves. Turn-taking games are also good, which you can then generalise into everyday life. For the meeting unexpected people, you can practise this with a social story, but also maybe stop worrying about it for a while - if he ignores someone he knows because he didn't expect to see them, OK that's not very nice and a bit for you, but is it really the end of the world?

I think general advice on here would be to completely disengage from the screaming - ignore, ignore, ignore. The minute he starts going off, turn round and walk away.

Unfortunately nothing is handed to parents on a plate. You need to regroup your strength my dear, and then start working out what you are going to do to make things better. Tough love hugs to you - you will get there. I completely stopped looking at 'stuff' for the first year he was in school - we were both exhausted and felt the focus should be on just getting through the year. It's only now that I've been mentally able to pick up the reins a bit more, hence starting the ABA.

Good luck and cut yourself some slack...

ThisIsYesterday I hope you don't mind if I am bit blunt here, but you need to find the time to research. NOTHING will come to you without a fight and you need to build the time to do this into your week. No-one will help you with this either so you're (probably) going to have to make sacrafices to do it. Reduced working hours? Regularly weekly childcare/babysitting? DP working flexibly to give you half a day a week?

I'm sorry. That's the reality.

You probably think it is unfair. That families with children with disabilities MUST be entitled to help somehow/somewhere, and they are, but that doesn't mean that they get it.

And I'm afraid you really do have to research ABA. Asking on here is a good start and it is suitable for every child. Unfortunately the fight for it is not suitable for every family, and for 'some' the cost-benefit isn't worth it. But if you choose not to do it, you need to have valid reasons or else you'll regret not having properly researched it later on.

We are behind the US and many European countries in not offering ABA as standard, but we are very VERY slowly catching up. In those countries Aspergers and HFA children are heavily invested in because the pay off is worth it as they have so much potential, sometimes more than NT children. But that is not recognised here.

no no blunt is fine, i can take it! lol

I am willing to pay an ABA therapist if we can afford it, just thought I'd ask if it's something that might be funded by NHS in which case I would speak to the community paediatricians about it, or anything else that might be suitable.

I am a SAHM so technically I have the time to do research and work on it myself but with 2 other children (4 and 2.5) at home it's pretty much all I can do right now to keep us all alive all day and throw myself into my bed at night.
I know no-one else will fight for him and that's why I need to be able to do it, but while I don't want ds1 to be a "let's just throw money at it" kind of a problem I think right now that's the best I can do for him...

he is part of a social skills group at school and the SENCO is great (she has moved there from a school for autistic kids so totally gets him) and she has asked if there is anything else they can do at school to maybe help me manage his behaviour at home, but I just don't know!

the other thing is that I feel like I could research all the hundreds of different therapies out there and know them inside out... but would I actually be able to pick the one that is right for him? I'm not a therapist or a behavioural expert or a paediatrician and I am scared that I will get it wrong and we'll spend ages trying to impose some kind of therapy ourselves that we have self-taught ourselves and it just will be totally ineffective
i want someone who knows what they're talking about to tlel me what to do!

we have looked into social stories too and we have a "right thing wrong thing" book which explains rules in certain situations ie, when you meet someone the "right" thing to do is say hello, or wave. the wrong thing is to shout/scream at them or ignore them.
the problem is that while when we are reading stories he "gets" it he doesn't seem to be able to apply it in real life to actual situations that he is in

I think you just have to get on and try it. The problems you are describing are similar to my own ds. We pay our aba consultant for each consultation so there's no financial commitment. You say your ds has a good teacher, maybe she would implement any aba therapist recommendations during school time.

am reading up on it now.... 40 hours a week!? how can i even do that?

and how do i find an aba therapist?

Search for some old threads on here - you don't have to do a full on 40 hours plus programme, it depends on DC's age, needs, whether its in place of school, etc but there's lots of info floating around this board.

thanks, good idea will do a search now.

oodles can I ask how much you pay per consultation?

Thisis, depending on how much you learn yoursf and how much you can out in ( I know, I know) the cost can vary greatly. I have sometimes found it cheaper to hire a teenage babysitter to play with my other dc so I can tutor my ds. Sometimes I can include my other children in the therapy. There are ways to make it work for your family.

I started with 2-3 hours per day for 5 days a week with periods of none, some done by me. Tbh we've always been around that level. It has had a massive impact on ds.

pipin it wasn't meeee it was DP he is to blame! lol

starlight do you find your DS responds ok to you doing it? DS1 really just hates me trying to do "stuff" with him, whereas if it's his teachers etc he just gets on with it which is one reason why I think having someone in would be a big help? That said, I can't afford to have someone in every day or anything like that, but we could maybe do once a week (could swap my cleaner for an ABA tutor so will have dirty house but happy child! )

sorry, i have absolutely no idea what you're on about pipinjo

yes i was on your other thread, yes I thought you were being unreasonable. please stop accusing me of things I haven't done and hijacking my thread when you have another one already running complaining about me.

i haven't asked anything of you so don't worry.

Yesterday, ABA will give you the skills to enable you to get good results from your ds. I won't pretend it is easy working with your own child though.