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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Original poster

Aibu

10 replies

keepingupwiththejoneses · 31/10/2011 20:26

DS2 asd is very rigid, self directed and although only 5.4 very heavy and I can't lift him, because of this when we go out I do rely on his mountain buggy.
Dm and DSD are in the process of moving, they sold their house a few months ago in order to move closer to both us and elderly GP's, they have been renting a lovely flat near the sea about a mile away, but have also been looking at local houses to buy. DM phoned me today to tell me they had had an offer accepted on a flat, 10miles away in the city centre, turns out the flat is on the 9th floor, the lift only goes to the 5th Shock.
I told DM there was no way ds would be able to visit as he just wouldn't cope with 4 flights of stone/marble stairs, I also suggested that GP's would not be able to visit as GF can not climb stairs. At this point DM got really shirty with me and said how I am just making excuses not to visit, I need to just make ds do as he is told, he will just have to deal with it and of course GP's would visit as it wouldn't be a problem (they are moving to a bungalow as GF can't even climb stairs in a house).
AIBU to think she is cutting herself off from us again!
Thing is this has really upset me as I don't have many friends in RL or family, only DM and GP's live less than a few hours away, and we had been spending quite a bit more time together.

OP posts:
Original poster
keepingupwiththejoneses · 31/10/2011 22:01

Should also say, no visitor parking and a mile walk from the train station.

OP posts:
mariamagdalena · 31/10/2011 23:05

They'll realise soon enough. When they're stranded in their tower with sleeping beauty's forest growing up around it, and no-one to visit them. Never mind getting their shopping upstairs, coming home at night-time, coping when the lifts play up, etc. And the massive service charges.

Shame they're buying and not renting it. Cos you'll find it hard not to say I told you so when they start complaining.

Original poster
keepingupwiththejoneses · 01/11/2011 00:57

Thank for that Maria, thought it was just me being a bit selfish. I had thought about shopping but not the rest of the things you mention. Another thing is DM is 54 and DSD is 64 so not really young, I have said 'do they really think they are going to want to climb all those stairs in 5 years?'

OP posts:
Ben10WasTheSpawnNowWeLoveLego · 01/11/2011 07:19

YANBU. The GF thing is Shock. If he needs a bungalow then he can't climb all those stairs even if he wants to. You can't make DS climb the stairs even if you want him to.

schobe · 01/11/2011 09:39

YANBU, they sound barking tbh. It's a shame when people's underlying views come out in situations like this (eg, just making your DS do as he's told).

They can still come out and visit you though I guess.

WilsonFrickett · 01/11/2011 09:50

YANBU. Sounds like they've fallen in love with the place and aren't willing to listen to reason. Honestly, I'm only 40 but because I want the next house to be a 'forever' house I discounted one that had three internal flights of stairs in it.

Why don't you suggest GP's go to view it with them? Maybe when they see your GF struggling up the stairs they'll reconsider?

coff33pot · 01/11/2011 12:35

"DM is 54 so not really young" OI!!! Grin Thats no old either LOL.

But you are not being unreasonable and they are being inconsiderate in thinking your DS can just do as he is asked and climb the stairs let alone your poor GF.

Unfortunately some people dont forsee a problem until it actually happens. They just might find themselves making more trips out than having visitors......

WhoWhoWhoWho · 01/11/2011 12:41

YANBU and they are going to have do the visiting rather than have visitors aren't they. They are being very short sighted really and I think they will come to regret it.

My DS is similar to yours and at 7 I still use his maclaren major on unfamiliar journeys. He can outrun me and I can no longer pick him up and carry him off home. Grin Is your DM usually supportive and understanding of your DS's needs?

Original poster
keepingupwiththejoneses · 01/11/2011 14:47

Thanks for your replies, was kind of thinking I was BU and it is their life but just feel like she has gone from one extreme to the other.
coff33pot I didn't explain my self, DM had cancer last year and also had a kidney disorder, so is not as strong as she could be. DSD is starting to feel his age.
who DM is sort of supportive IYKWIM she just doesn't get the restrictive or behavioural bits.

OP posts:
coff33pot · 01/11/2011 16:30

Its ok Keepingup I was pulling your leg. I am 47 and 54 sounds REALLY close LOL I didnt actually take offence to it really Grin

Trouble is I guess we cant actually tell our parents what to do or where to move to. Mine went abroad.

I guess she is going to have to realise herself that this was not a good idea. But until she struggles or your DSD has a problem she is going to think nothing of it. Frustrating for you though x

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