Confused feelings

[kizzy212]

Hello All...

Basically i'm Posting cause i would like someone to tell me it's normal or ok to think this way..!

My DS (6) has spent last 12 months under Cahms and has just had a assessment which they have found traits in all areas to indicate high functioning ASD. They have referred me to a ADOS assessment. As things seem so much more real now.
We have had issues with DS since he was a toddler. E.G stress, anxiety, social interaction, senory but nothing i would class as issues issues we as a family have dealt with them and adjusted and supported him. However school is beginning to cause us problems. He has just started year 2.

We have always dealt with his issues growing up however have always had our concerns in which we have investigated which leads us to this point. I have always been honest about it and told people about things we find with our DS when questioned.

we have put in place things to help DS. Like commincation books to and from school to help DS prepare for changes and rountine. Which works well. We use charts and tables at home to help him deal with time, events and dates.

So all things good Until i hear 1 comment from the school play ground...

I was talking about DS recent behaviour involving 3 children. It was investigated to find that our Ds had told and got 2 other children to lie to get a child in trouble. (when a child is naughty during Freetime they have to sit inside by HT office) DS had remember this and used it to his advantage when he didnt want to play a certain game with friend. Theapist says he was trying to control situation. (clever people say) I was mortified as it turns out he had done it most of week to this child.

I was explaining about DS and his recent assessment results In a way trying to explain why he had done it to friends which already know DS issues.. when i heard the comment..

" the way she is carring on you would think she is proud That her Kid has something wrong with it"

I was just explaining !!!

So refering to my post Is it wrong to Talk about DS issues. I now feel as if maybe i shouldnt and im coming across as bragging that my child is having problems. Is this how i have come across..? I have thought about it and In a way i think maybe im protecting him and myself by trying to explain why their children are saying DS this And DS did that at school today..

Someone tell me i have done right thing cause i feel terriable..!!

No you are not in the wrong at all for discussing your DS, that was a nasty thing for that woman to say, really really horrid!

You are not in the wrong at all you are merely discussing your DS. There is a reason behind hid behaviour and you are entitled to put it forward.

If it were me I would have spun round and said "IT" has a name.

Yeah I was shocked when I read that too, what a disgusting way for an adult to talk about another child!

'damned if you do, damned if you don't' is the expression that springs to mind here. People like that will be rude if you are open and honest about your DS's behaviour - and if you don't talk about it and keep it to yourself they will talk about your sons 'naughty' behaviour anyway - so you can't win.
Choose who you tell and when - just get thick skinned about people like that!

Just bizarre. On so many levels. I imagine everyone else thinks so too. Eg

What on earth does 'the way she is carrying on' actually mean?

'You would think she is proud'. Eh? Should we be ashamed?

'her kid has something wrong with it'. Oh right. Disabled kids are broken goods, so forget he/she and just discuss them like faulty cars.

If there are some sensible playground parents id be very tempted to find a crowd and repeat her comments back to her, then for the benefit of the audience say loudly: MY SON HAS A DISABILITY. We aim to help him overcome it. So his behaviour will improve. In contrast, Mrs Nasty Lady, you appear to be just very, very rude. And sadly the NHS can't treat that.

Of course, the more constructive approach of a private chat, or a couple of people having a word would be better. But I'd be a fair while planning revenge before id be able to consider the moral high ground.

Blimey. What a cow. TBH I am proud of my DS. He has ASD, he's funny, unpredictable, bloody awkward, and completely gorgeous. I think his ASD is so much a part of him that some of it is actually good, it makes him who he is. I know that's not the case for everyone, but it's how I feel. At least he makes life interesting. Grrr, horrid woman.

Thank you for all your kind remarks... I love this site.. Its has made me feel so much better not only about this awful situation but Ds in general.. (and in such a small amount of time too)

The lady is question i hear from the other moms, all know about her and the way she speaks to people, she goes from group to group of moms on playground.. I dont think she is liked by many... But one of them cases where nobody will stand up to her.. Oh i would love to do what you advised mariamagdalena.

I love this line... I am proud of my DS. He has ASD, he's funny, unpredictable, bloody awkward, and completely gorgeous...Thanks ellenjaneisnotmyname.

Thank You Again