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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

new baby help, feel so overwhelmed!!

9 replies

anon1110 · 31/10/2011 12:15

Had a hell of a week, dunno whether its down to my hormones or not!

Have posted on here before about my DS (3) who has GDD, and last week I had a little girl. It has been a nightmare of a week and feel like this special time with my daughter has been ruined by my DS and feel awful for even thinking it :(

First of all my DH came to see us in hospital bringing my DS, who constantly shouted and was being naughty, running up to other patients and trying to see their babies and even trying to hang off our DD's cot! In the end I was so embarrassed I told him to take him home.

He keeps trying to 'hug' her but bascially ends up headbutting her and squeezing nearly half to death! He seems to have no idea where this little person has come from even though all the way through my pregnancy we talked about the new baby coming.

Then halfway through the week we had a report come from the assessment unit which was done in July, and its given me no hope he will improve, they have put things like

has limited facial expressions
squeals a lot
significant language delay (both expressive and receptitive)
heavy handed with toys
extremeley clumsy

it also says he is still in nappies and has no awareness of being wet or dirty but (hurrah!) he is now fully toilet trained.

This letter made me wonder if they are thinking something but dont want to say it in terms of diagnosis wise, does he only have GDD or is there signs pointing to somewhere else?! This has made me feel really low.

Ds has also been generally naughty all week banging doors and switching lights on and off and doesnt have a clue when you shout at him just carries on!

Went to my mums the weekend and my Dad had a go at him too and ordered him into the kitchen to play with his cousins and wouldnt let him in the lounge, I would have left there and then but I was feeding DD at the time.

Also no kids ever want to play with him on numerous occasions I hear them say, oh he cant understand us, it makes me so sad.

I havent stopped crying since I got home and my DH keeps telling me to pull myself together which isnt helping, I just want someone to tell me its going to be ok and its going to get better.

Sorry that ended up being really long but its been a bad week!!

OP posts:

iwanttoscream · 31/10/2011 12:45

congratulations anon1110 my son was 4 when i had my twins 10 years ago he was so jealous of them. your dh needs to realise how overwelmed you are, sleepless nights, your hormones are all over the place and you have an active 3 year old. try and get dh to help more and any offers of help from family or friends, so you can try to have a little bit of 1-1 with your son and time for yourself to have some sleep or a nice soak in the bath.

bigbluebus · 31/10/2011 12:46

Sorry you are having such a tough time anon. You are bound to be emotional with hormones being all over the place. Congratulations on the birth of your daughter - Its ashame you don't feel you can enjoy this special time with her - I'm sure you are giving her lots of cuddles though - so she won't notice any different.
It can be difficult for the 1st child when baby no. 2 comes along and often leads to 'naughty' behaviour - and thats when DC1 doesn't have SN. It must be really difficult for your DS to understand what has happened and why this new person is now getting mum's attention - no matter how much you thought you had explained to him beforehand. Just try to remember that - and it may make life a little easier. I'm sure you will get into a routine eventually but you are probably v tired at the moment too.
The timing of the report was not good but at least the positive from this is that your DS has achieved something they said he has no concept of - so take a positive from that. I guess its always possible they are thinking of an additional diagnosis - but that won't change who your DS is - he will still be the same child - just with a different label .
Hope things get better for you soon.

coff33pot · 31/10/2011 12:54

Sending you big hugs and a congratulations on the birth of your lovely girl :)

Hormones are going to play a huge part in your feelings right now so you have to be kind to yourself. DHs never will say the right thing no matter how hard they try. My DH tip toed around the house

You did well to try and prepare your DS for the new arrival. But he still has to come to terms with it visually now as the baby is here and no doubt taking up a lot of your time. Let DH take over with DS to give you that space and perhaps swap over to give your DS some time with you too maybe the cuddle and story time at bed time and call it your special time.

I dont know what to say on the assessment apart from it was certainly bad timing. Most dont make an easy read when you are not nursing a baby! I would put it to one side for a moment until you are strong enough to deal with it.

blueShark · 31/10/2011 13:04

Congratulations in the birth od your dd! I second everything that bigbluebus said above.

I had dd who is dc3 10 weeks ago and also have ds1 who is 5 asd/speech and social skills delay and ds2 who is 3 nt. Both DS were very jealous of the new arrival and would sit on my knee when I was breastfeeding. Ds1 started having prolonged verbal stims at the end of the first week which made me cry for days but they didnt last long, soon he was in school and i managed to get myself in a routine with the baby.

Kids crave attention and your DS is probably missing that special time he had with you before the baby was born. Babies feed so often in the early weeks and if you don't have help divide the time when your baby sleeps between having a rest and playing with your DS. The cleaning, wAshing, ironing etc will be there waiting even if you don't attend to it fore few days/ weeks.

I really hope things get better for you soon. Is your DS in nursery?

chocjunkie · 31/10/2011 13:05

congratulations on your new arrival :)

and sorry you are having a tough time. your DS sounds very much as if he is craving attention. can your DH or other family members help to look DS but also after the baby (e.g. taking her for a walk) so you can spend some time with your DS? it worked for us (my DC are also 3 years apart) to some extend.

I also tought DD1 that babies do not like hugs but very much prefer to have their toes tiggled

and be kind to yourself. your DD is only a week old and you are probably still quite hormonal. things will get easier!

Original poster

anon1110 · 31/10/2011 13:17

Thanks for the congrats guys, just reading your lovely posts made me cry again!

I just wish I did have that family support around me but I get fed up of the 'here she goes again' eyes so I dont tend to tell people how im feeling anymore, and my Dads behavior the weekend sealed the deal! I am hurt that he could could treat my DS like that especially a week after I had given birth!

It was funny the other night though, went to a party and none of the kids would play with him, and we were on our way back downstairs after DS using the loo, and a bunch of kids pushed past Ds and said 'move!' very rudely and then pushed me too, when we had got to the bottom of the stairs DS decided he wanted to turn the lights off! cue loads of screaming, he got his own back without even realising!

OP posts:

badkitty · 31/10/2011 19:48

Hi anon, congrats on your DD! I remember you posting on my thread when we were both pregnant. I now have 3 month old Ds2 as well as DS1 who is nearly 3 and has CP. Its very hard and just wanted to say that you are not the only one going through it! I have also struggled with really resenting Ds1 for spoiling the time with my new baby. Ds1 is also being difficult and tantrumy all the time at the moment which I'm sure is reaction to new baby and moving house recently. I'm trying hard to remind myself that he's only 2 and its v difficult and confusing for him. I hope things will get better but at the moment I have 2 very clingy boys who both want mummy all the time! Desperate to get DS2 into nursery -going through statementing at the moment. Be kind to yourself and your DS and accept whatever help you can! Good luck

Original poster

anon1110 · 31/10/2011 21:13

I am lucky having DS in nursery, he is back this week, phew!

badkitty its nice to know i'm not alone, I feel like such a rubbish mum for feeling the way I do towards DS at the moment. Good luck with getting your DS into nursery.

OP posts:

Babblefish · 01/11/2011 22:32

Hey there and Congratulations.....enjoy your daughter!!

I have DS1(4) DS2(2)-SN and DD(6mths)

It has been touhg but she is my last and other than wishing the 1st 12 weeks away (did with all of them....life get easier after 12 weeks) i have enjoyed every minute of my little girl. DS2 has GDD, Ehlers Danlos and possible Mowett-Wilson Syndrome. He can't walk and says about 10 words. Things were okay up until DD started wanting to stand thn the jealousy kicked in...she will walk before him and then things will get worse...he bites her and head butts her and now squeezes her hands. but would he do this even if he did not have all his problems... probably he's27 mths and some little cow has stolen that lovely lap seat he had!!!

Enjoy them both soon they'll be 21 and you'll be wondering what all the stress was about XXXX

Good lUck x

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