An autistic view of laughter and smiling... maybe???

[mrsforgetful]

DS2 (undiagnosed ASD) is always getting upset because he says we are laughing at him...and i've found this a hard one to work on as i have not always been able to see what made him think this

Tonight we had a 'breakthrough'!

He said to me
"why were you laughing at me?"
I said i hadn't been- and asked him why he thought i had. He replied...
"When you smiled at me you were laughing in your mind"

What do you reckon???

Also he constantly talks to himself when playing...a running commentry- and i have always thought he was talking to me - well the other day i had alot on my mind and was (i hate to say) trying my best to ignore him.....but i had enough and said to him
"I'm not really listening to you very well as i'm busy" (or words to that effect!)To which he replied
"I wasn't talking to you.I say 'MUM' if i'm telling you something"

That was telling me!

I'm just sooooooo lucky that he can explain these things now

Also on the subject of his 'squawking'whenever something 'awful' happens...i experimented with a method i found in my 'social awareness skills' book- under the heading of ANGER
It worked the 2 times i tried it......what i did was as soon as something 'triggered' his squaking i immediately jumped in with exagerated and quite animated sympathy and said something like "You must be so cross that happened " etc (ie acknowledging his feelings) then i said "what can i do to help you"....then both times i praised him for his calmness

will try this again...B4 i've been focussing on the 'squawking' rather than the 'trigger'- and seeing as he only squawks when distressed i think 'anger management' fits the bill quite well- we've tried star charts etc

Mrs F - you should change your name to Meg - much better!
We had a morning form Hell today. Dd1 (7) was grumpily eating breakfast (NT but hates mornings) and I was congratulating myself that they were all dressed and ready with a good 15 mins to go before having to leave for school. Then dd2 (2) brought her chair up beside dd1 because she wanted to sit beside her, and dd1 responded by getting up and moving to the other side of the table. Then dd2 started to wail and I told dd1 off for being mean. Then dd wailed some more and dh laughed at her, which didn't help. Then ds1(AS) whacked dd1 hard on the back, twice (because he can't stand anyone crying), and dd1 responded by chucking the TV remote control at him, hitting him hard on the head from only about a foot away.
MELTDOWN
All of a sudden we were late for school, ds1 was screaming and kicking, trying to remove all his clothes, dd2 was STILL crying, dd1 was crying because it was ALL HER FAULT, then someone tripped over ds2 who has only just learnt to walk, and he started as well. Then dh decided it was time to give ds1 a piece of his mind, and completely lost it with him on the way down the stairs from our flat. (Good thing downstairs neighbour (a health visitor) had gone to work already).
Once they had left for school it went eerily quiet - just the two little ones sobbing, and me Where have we gone wrong?

were you crying too??? That sound sooooo like our household....maybe we all have more in common than we realise!! I'm just pleased to see that someone else is posting messages at this time...usually i'm on my own!!!JMB!

JMB- you mentioned you litlle one who's just learn't to walk- my youngest is tiny - but 4.5 yrs old!! However he is forever being trod on /talked over/misses his favourite t.v shows etc because of DS1 and 2....sometimes i just grab him and cuddle him and just tell him how wonderful he is to 'cope' with all the chaos around him!!! (i put it into 4yr old language!!!) do you know what i mean?!! It's like he is in the middle of a tornado (whirlwind at best!)

Oh, jmb. Sounds like a really bad morning. Poor you. So hope tomorrow will be better for you all.

Smiling again now - this morning was fine until I brushed ds1's hair - forgot that he has decided he is a BOY, so must COMB his hair. Calmed that one down fairly quickly then on the way to school he remembered it's bonfire night tonight, but we're not doing any fireworks until the weekend. Cue yet another tantrum, throwing around of scooter etc and another morning of being dragged screaming into school Apparently it took him a full hour to calm down yesterday, then he was fine. Hope it will be quicker today.
So now two at school, one at playgroup and just me and the little one - a rare treat, so time to go and play 'bone' (phones) with him
Hope you've got your ds2 referred by now, Mrs F, and agree with you that Davros' comments about dh's reluctance to accept diagnosis are very helpful indeed - thanks Davros!

LOL dinosaur!

I'm covinced mine take turns on who will cause the worst devastation each morning- it was ds3's turn today!Yesterday i nearly pulled ds2's arm out its socket on the way to school,and ds1 was THE culprit on monday.....a vey hyper day when i wish he could have his medication by drip whilst he sleeps!(then he'd be calm as soon as he woke uP!) It wouldnn't be so bad if the other 2 were angels whilst the 3rd is acting up--- however its never that simple!

mrsforgetful-meg (oooh you've become double-barrelled!), I'm glad you liked the scenes from "Mrsforgetful: The Movie" I love hearing about 'the forgetfuls' and only wish I could help. I think if we were in a coffee shop we would either be in fits of laughter or in puddles of tears. Of course there'd have to be frequent breaks to de-stim our ds's and rescue my ds1 from locked cupboards! Just had an idea for a final scene: Meg and Victor arrive at the school/hospital on a motorbike and sidecar, both armed like The Terminator. Victor is now a believer and is on a quest for justice....

as i read the 'motorbike and sidecar ' bit i immediately 'saw' Wallace and Grommit (a close shave)!!!!
This may not be the 'right place' to 'share' this....but i reckon it illustrates my AS (???) brilliantly- plus would make an excellent sequel to MY FILM....possibly called ' Nightmare in Seattle' -that's if Meg agreed to star.... or 'Nightmare in Swindon' if its low budget and I have to debut.

I will 'bullet point' this as I can guarantee you wouldn't follow it otherwise!!

I had an interview -and secretly changed into my smart suit and crept out the back door of my existing job in a rush to catch the train.

in my haste i left the interview details in my locker...so when i got in a taxi to be taken to the agency I had NO idea of what the agency was called or exactly where it was- all i knew was the street!

However I would not be beaten and being resourceful I got out the taxi and rang the local newspaperwho had advertised the job! They told me where to go!!! (NO...not like that!)

I got to the interview a few minutes early and all seemed fine!

However after the interview i went shopping and it wasn't till i was paying for a purchase that i realised my purse was missing

Again, I ran back to the agency and spoiled any chance i had of being employed by them when i blurted out about losing my purse.!! THEY did not have it!

I ran to the phone box- no sign.
I had no money,no credit cards and NO train ticket- it was all in my purse

the 'kind' railway employee let me travel home with no ticket- but i had to 'prove' my address- and i was sent a bill weeks later!

the purse was posted back to me ...empty- it had been found behind a wall next to the phone box

And....another real event was when i was sent to London (lil ol' country bumpkin that i am!)and i was staying with a vicar and his lodger (they were MORE than just good friends...if you know what i mean!) I was taken ther the night i arrived by taxi in pitch darkness...and paid no attention to where i was taken at all- i had no idea that the next evening after work i would be expected to make my way back 'home' alone!!
The best bit is how none of this occured to me at all the next day until i got off the tube at finchley and realised that i had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE I WAS STAYING! All i could tell anyone was it was a vicarage!! I didn't even know the name of the church!! I wandered the streets hopefully for 30mins- then the tears started! I rane my husband and he was not there. Finally I went to a pub i had noticed the day B4 (funny that!!!) I confessed my dilema- The barwoman rang the local churches until she found the right one- and i was safe and sound at last!

There are more epics similar to these....do you reckon i am AS or just completely undiagnosable!!!!

Meg, I enjoyed reading that post although it must have been horrid at the time. I'm now thinking there's definitely material for a series a la Die Hard called TRY HARD, HARDER, HARDEST
I suppose the ideas about your DH's role may not be really that different to many a daddy's role with NT kids, its just that much more complicated and has the potential to cause friction between you re the DX etc......

mrsforgetful - when you finish your 'life story' project, PLEASE get it published! I would definitely pay to read it.

Oh Mrsforgetful, I'm sure we'd know who you are if you changed your name, your posts are just so lovely! Really interesting and insightful (is that a real word?). You and your sons all sound great.