CAMHS why do they do this?

[insanityscratching]

Here and elsewhere I read repeatedly where CAMHS question someone's parenting skills rather than actually assess the child in question. One of my favourite quotes has always been along the lines "unusual parenting of a child with ASD is not the cause but a parents' response to their own child's particular needs"
My parenting has never been brought into question probably because the autism was and still is blatantly obvious and I have managed to avoid CAMHS but behind closed doors I'm sure the powers that be would have a field day if they ever witnessed how I actually parent
I assume part of the reason will be that parenting courses however ineffective are far cheaper than a diagnosis and proper support but at what cost to families?

We had this DS at 8 categorically didn't have autism as he interacted with his carers and gave eye contact he was DX ADHD and I was sent to numerous parenting classes aimed at children much younger anyway made me feel to blame. We have the adult Autism team coming to do an assessment on Monday he's now 17.

It is just so sad Borderslass. My ds and dd by having diagnoses at three and two have benefited through having an early diagnosis and support in place from their earliest days but it shouldn't be only the children with obvious difficulties that get the support surely. When ds was at infant school he and another boy vied for the position of most difficult child in school ds had his dx and a statement the other boy who to me was obviously ASD got a dx at 14. He has spent years out of school, passed time with the lowlife and now is en route to a life behind bars and it could have been so different.

He was obvious though he attended EBD unit who treated him as if he had ASD, EP and school Dr thought so to he went to special school for ASD kids from 12 until June of this year.

I suppose rather than obvious I should have written "so far from typical" I don't know. More severe seems wrong because dd's dx is more severe than ds but she is far easier to manage than ds is. Ds now is easier to manage now than the boy he went to infants with but his dx is moderate autism whereas the boy's is AS/HFA.I don't know,it seems to be children where the difficulties manifest more in difficult behaviours rather than the children who are "closed off" whose parents get a rough deal to me.

Although should add ds had more than his fair share of difficult behaviours although him being non verbal and closed off seemed to excuse my parenting being to blame.

They spend too long pussyfooting around the idea that it is a parent issue rather than the child him/herself. So in the end it becomes too late and the damage is done.

Early intervention that they bleat on about is non existent. I have been trying to help my DS for the last 2 years and still got nowhere. You are either not spending enough time with your dc (so dh and I give up our jobs to spend more time even though one of us had always been at home anyway at the end of the school day) or then spending too much time with your dc and smothering them. You cant win there is always a reason that they find to belittle you.

What annoyed me was I already have 2 NT children brought up the same way, same home, same parents and yet it is assumed it is you that is doing something wrong. Its a delay tactic and sadly the only one it does damage to is your dc in the long run apart from making you as parents doubt yourselves even more than you did at the begining and we all need that stress dont we

Ds sees the consultant psych at CAMHS referred directly from paed (had same one 14 years) and I assume because I saw the referral the paed's description of me as a highly experienced and effective mother has meant I don't get passed on for parenting advice.
I did get to see the person who was supposed to be offering CBT (actually discussed very basic autism managing strategies the standard visual timetables, routines and warnings spiel) who knew far less than I did about autism and so agreed with psych that her input wouldn't be useful

good for you!

Wish mine were as sensible as that. The initial assessement sang our praises on all the strategies we have put into place with some good results. All methods we are trying and even the pead said I doubt anyone could suggest more. BUT I have a psych that just might need stronger glasses

I think it was only because paed referred direct that I didn't get the standard referral to PMHW. I'm in no doubt they would have found some things that happen here questionable but it works for all of us and ds and dd have made more progress than was ever thought possible.

I think it depends on the person you see and the area you're in. The person we saw from CAMHS never questioned our parenting (not that I'm aware of, anyway, and no mention of any parenting issues in the report), and wanted DS2 to see a paed instead. It's never been suggested that we go to parenting classes, although I'll be the first to admit that I think DH could use one.

Our paed is a bit iffy about the autism dx, although she seems pretty confident regarding ADHD & DCD. I think it's partly because some of the behaviours that we see regularly have not been seen by the paed at appointments and such. And to be honest I cannot walk around at home with a video camera or camera phone at the ready all the time to catch the behaviour on film as I am often dealing with both DS2 (5yo) and DS3 (2yo) and simply do not have that many hands.