The Father Christmas Dilemma... wwyd?

[MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay]

DS2 is 14, and has Moderate Learning difficulties and ASD. Attends a special school but integrates for some lessons into the 'unit' of our partner mainstream school, so spends a fair amount of time in classes with more NT children.

He also UTTERLY believes in Father Christmas. This isn't a 'keep the parents happy' deal or a 'if I pretend I will get more presents' thing.. he truly and utterly believes that the man in red brings his stocking. His brain works pretty straightforwardly.. if you tell him something (which we did when he was small) he believes it forever and nothing changes his mind; he is classically rigid in his thinking!

Now it's not been a problem til now to be honest; he is the youngest of my kids and they have always loved his belief because it simply makes Xmas magic for them all.. they STILL all hang stockings on their beds (eldest is 20!) and drag them in to our bedroom Xmas morning. BUT I am so worried that now he is integrating into mainstream for some things, he will be torn apart if other discover he believes.

So far the 'it's not real' has just passed by his head.. he does believe so he ignores any mention of anything else. I don't really want to sit down and be brutal about it because it will HURT him. Good people don't lie as far as he understands:(

My DH and other kids think we should just leave it.. if the time comes he actually asks straight out, we will be honest, and meantime hope that if he mentions FC other kids will think he is joking. He is 6 ft and obviously 'different' and I don't think the mainstream kids have much to do with him anyway. My mother on the other hand has been on my back about for the last 5 years :/

The only move I have made is to say that FC only brings stockings to CHILDREN ..after 18 Mum and Dad take over.. kinda hoping we could phase FC out that way, but I know that he will believe in his existence forever.

Would you be brutal? Would you leave it? He is such a gentle lovely boy and I am loathe to hurt him when, lets face it, he IS always going to be a child mentally.

My ds is younger than yours (9) but he is a verdant believer as well. We expected to him to get teased, but he's taken the line that the other children who don't believe are fools. He's in mainstream, has AS and has one friend who facilitates him mixing with his peers a lot.

He's convinced that if you stop believing, FC stops coming (we didn't tell him that, but he must have heard/read it somewhere) and feels sorry for the other children's parents, because they have to do all the work for their children's presents instead.

He's quite a believer in magical stuff (tooth fairy etc) and always says you need to believe to keep the magic alive, so I think that's how he gets past his peers not believing.

We were worried that he would get into huge rows about it, but it seems that after a couple of minor run-ins with a particulary bitchy girly in his class, he now just tells them that they can think what they like, but he doesn't agree - and they are wrong - and won't be drawn on it any further than that.

I like the FC only coming to children idea, might have to see if we can work that into ds's beliefs somewhere along the line.

I think ds2 (7 and nt) is more of the 'keep Mum and Dad happy' persuasion these days, but fortunately he's a sweetie and unlikely to spoil it for his brother, although it helps that we also have a 2 year old dd that we have to keep the magic alive for.

Personally, I would leave it and deal with it when/if it happens, but as you say, if you ds is only integrating for some lessons, rather than free time or lunch etc, its unlikely that he is going to be chatting about it with the other pupils. Does he have a LA with him when he's in the mainstream lessons? Could you 'manage' it through him/her?

Hi
My DD is nearly 13 (suspected Aspergers) and we told her in her last year at juniors as her younger brother (2 years younger) had figured it out and told her and she asked us. We weren't fully aware of the cause of her difficulties at that time. We worried about her telling her 2 year old brother but she didn't. It turns out that she doesn't really believe that he's not real even though she knows he isn't! It's hard to explain but it's like she forgets that she knows! With older kids she'll go along with it but with younger kids she really believes in him. Her anxiety is really high at the moment due to school and she declared that Santa is real and she's going to prove it!

This probably doesn't make any sense because it doesn't to me! I don't actually know if she still believes in him or not but I suspect she does so telling your son may not change anything!

We think DS - 13 - still believes. Some of the older kids on his school bus told him last year that he isn't real; but he didn't seem sure. DH thought maybe he was just "keeping his options open" but I'm not so sure as he has been mentioned a lot this year!

My DD came home in floods tears having been laughed at as she said she couldnt wait for Father Xmas and they told her he wasnt real.

I had a childrens brittanica and in it was a bit about St. Nicholas. Most stories relate over the net that St Nick rescued children or helped children in poverty, down here he rescued 2 children in a basket from the sea. We also have a St Nicholas church.

I told her he was real so that she didnt feel hurt or outdone by in her argument.

Told her St Nicholas Day was the 6th Dec (if I remember correctly) He was a genuine saint who helped children and gave them a GIFT of a better life (tried to amalgamate all the stories! ) Because he was such a good man people wanted to remember him kindly and celebrate him so they called him Father Xmas and gifts were given to children just like he gave them years ago.

Dont know if it helps but it helped dd. :)

And she won her argument with the others at school

My dd is 12 & special needs & she still believes, but we told both of ours-other dd is 11-that santa is not coming this year as they are now "too old", santa has too many younger children to deliver to on christmas eve & they already know that grown-ups don`t get presents from santa!! yonger dd then asked if santa was real, sadly I had to tell the truth so I shook my head!! But older dd struggled for a week or 2 about santa not coming, wanted to know if she could still send santa a christmas letter, I told her no-still make a christmas list but put mum & dads name on top instead of santa!! she seems to have accepted that santa is not coming to our house now but she still believes in him-he still delivers presents to those that are younger than her & her sister!!