Meeting with the senco tomorrow and I'm not really sure what I want to say or what I want them to do.

[TheOriginalNutcracker]

I will try and be brief.

Ds is 8yrs old and in yr 4. Since nursery I have always had mild/moderate concerns that something just wasn't quite right. His nursery teacher had issues with his complete addiction and obsession that he had at that time with Spiderman. She said it just controlled his every move to the point where he would refuse to draw etc unless he could draw spiderman. At that point they also had a few issues with his fine motor skills but said they thought it would improve once he started school.

Once in reception he did ok but the issues were always that he had poor concentration, talked too much and didn't try hard enough. Those same issues have continued through every year now, and in yr 2 I insisted on a meeting with the senco even though they told me they had assessed him for sn and he was fine
After speaking with the senco they agreed to put him on an IEP. Targets were made and his yr 2 teacher rarely stuck to them. He was supposed to have visual prompts on his desk and that never happened, and another couple of things never materialised.

In yr 3 he had a male teacher and for a while things did imporove a litle His IEP was changed to an IBp, they said not because he was badly behaved, but that they felt his problem was not with learning, even though his attention span was still a big problem.
At the end of yr 3 he met all of his IBP targets (which imo were rubbish anyway) and so he was taken off it, with the assurance that i could have him put back on it if needed.

So, now we are in yr 4 and things are not going well at all. His attention span is as bad as ever, he is struggling with work, particularly maths and his handwriting is awful again. Doing homework with him has always been an issue but it's worse than ever. The teacher said it is his fault because he doesn't listen when it's given out, but I just don't think this is always the case as alot of the time he genuinlly doesn't seem to understand the homework.
I have to sit right next to him while he does it, and get his concentration back on track at least every minute or so. Thats with just me and him in a room and no distractions so i dread to think how he is in a classroom.

He is also having problems with anger, anxiety and low self esteem and after a visit to the GP he has been referred to camhs and has an appointment in Nov. He has an extremely short fuse and will react badly to situations that most people would laugh off. He will smash things up, hit me and his siblings and say horrible things. He will also bang his head off of things or smack himself in the head.

So, tomorrow, what do I say ?? what it is that I want them to do ?? I am not sure I know. At the moment I feel like I am failing him big time.

Sorry, that was not brief at all.

Are you getting him assessed for ADHD or ASD?

I'd ask the SENCO if school have any concerns about him, and what they can do to support him.

They don't need a dx to do that - but it does help.

Thank's for replying.

They have never mentioned anything like adhd etc. If it was up to me i'd like him assessed for adhd, as, apd and odd. They don't seem that interested in doing anything other than writing him targets and then not sticking to helping him.

School don't assess him though, health professionals do.

All school can do is write targets.

You need to get really proactive, research everything, and do everything yourself.

Unfortunately neither the health system or the education system will help you.

OP then that is what you need to talk about with the SENCO - ' i want to get DS assessed for these things, can you tell me what part the school will play in this or what referrals I need from school to get the ball rolling.' Then get researching and get the dx process started. Some schools are great and will support the need without the dx, but it doesn't seem that your school is one of those, does it?

Follow up with an email and get your DS to the docs to start the healthcare assessments.

Sorry, just read that back and it sounds snippy, I didnt mean it to!

Thank's wilson, don't worry, it didn't sound snippy.

I think i get a bit confused as to who can refer him for what. To be assessed for those things he'd need a referal to an ed psych, is that right ?? Do school do that or can the gp ??

Take him to your GP and ask for a referral to whatever assessment team is in your area, we have a child development team where I live who are brilliant and mention the conditions you suspect. Do NOT take no for an answer. What area do you live in? Some are better than others. School can also refer but yours sounds pretty useless tbh, year 4 and issues all that time? I would tell them you want them to refer also, see what they say.

Get yourself to the GP with ds though and sit there till he agrees to refer you. Google child development team or autism assessment in hour area so you can actually say WHO you want him referred to. We very recently come to the end of the diagnostic process so it is all very fresh in my mind. PM me if you want to.

You can go down an educational route or a medical route, but essentially the things you are concerned about can oly be dx'd by a peaditrician. No harm in pushing for EP and docs at once though, as akeam says.

You are your child's best - and only - advocate here.

I can only reiterate what the other respondents have advised; your son needs to see a developmental paediatrician and the best person to refer you to such a person would be the GP. School will take ages even if they did bother so you need to act yourself and now.

SENCO in infants failed your son and he is being failed by school now. Only you can prevent his further slide. I would also ask school about having an Ed Pysch assess your son with regards to his additional educational needs (these people cannot make any sort of medical diagnosis).

Well this mornings meeting went okish. I told them about the referal to camhs and they have said that I will apparently be given a check list and part of it has to be filled in by his teacher.

I have got another appointment to have his IBP (don't know why it is still a behaviour one) drawn up again on the 9th November.

I asked about having him assessed and it was kind of glossed over and she said lets see what camhs have to say first.

They always seem to focus on the fact that his anger probem is only at home and not at school, like it is my fault or something. Anyway they are going to get a learning mentor who specialises in anger management to see him about that.

Oh i meant to say that he has seen a development paed, about 2 years ago anfd they were absolutly rubbish (they told him i'd give him 50p a week to behave and he could save for an xbox).

My gut feeling at the moment is to move him to another school but clearly that might not work either.

I just feel like school are listening, but not quite geting what I am saying. A bit like ds really.

"They always seem to focus on the fact that his anger probem is only at home and not at school, like it is my fault or something"

This is not your fault, school don't seem to get it at all. Don't let them either gloss over having your DS properly assessed; you need to set the ball in motion yourself re this process. To me anyway it sounds like he is angry at home primarily because his additional needs are clearly not being met at school. Many children whose needs are not met at school often lash out at the nearest and dearest when home because it is a safe place after bottling up all the frustrations of the school day.

Ask your GP to re-refer you to another developmental paed; there is certainly more than one of them out there. Unbelieveable that you were told such nonsense last time around, did you advise your GP of what was said?. Did you complain also at the time?.

If you think his problems relate to ADHD then a developmental paediatrician would be the best person to see here. CAMHS can be a bit hit and miss; some are good and others are not and they may well give you the runaround.

Between now and your visit to CAMHS I would keep a diary of any quirky/unusual/agressive behaviour. Make sure you include what caused the behaviour and how you dealt with it.

Make notes on any obsessions and how much of his time they take up. In fact make notes on everything that worries you.

This is becasue you can garantee[sp] that as soon as somebody asks you something about your Ds's issues everything will fly our of you head.

Go prepared and you are likely to be taken seriously.

Good luck with CAMHS, we found them excellent but I know it is a bit hit and miss..

Also I wouldn't focus too much on what school is saying at the moment, you know your Ds better than anyone and it doesn't sound like they have been that much help so far.

I have just found out that person we will see at cahms is one of the top bods and very good. Thats something I suppose. I will def keep a diary, that is a fabulous idea.

I totally agree with what has been said about him being angry at home because he is so frustrated at school. It is like he bottles it all up all day and then explodes.

I have just been reading up on APD and my god it is him, through and through, every single bit of it. I am going to see the gp again and push for a referal to have him tested for this. I actually already do alot of the things they suggest with him, like make sure he is looking at me when i speak, speak slowly and clearly and get him to repeat instructions back to me. So at least I am doing something right.

Unfortunatly his school do seem to have a rep for being rubbish at dealing with this type of thing, which is disgraceful really.