DD's application for DLA has been turned down

She is 3.8, has load of autistic traits (we will have the ADOS shortly), her s&l is severely delayed/disordered (she is 1.5-2 years behind). she does not underdstand a lot and fails to communicate her basic needs. not toilet trained, taking her out is a nightmare due to her complete lack of danger awareness and constant urge to run into the road or to have massive trantrums.
she failed every single target of her IEP. EP assessed her and recommended SS (!!!) as he does not think DD will be able to cope in MS (not even with intense 1:1 support), nursery applied for a statement (still in process). DD's needs are decribed in every single report as severe and complex. I send in all reports from various professionals I had in with her application. I followed the cerebra guide to the letter and outlined in great detail all of DD's problems. I stressed for every point as to how much DD is different from an NT child of the same age and why her care is over and above that of an average child. I typed wrote almost 30 pages. It took me almost 6 month to fill in the blardy form because I could not do it any quicker between going to work, dragging DD to appointments, spending my night awake with her and dealing with a baby on top. I started private SALT and ABA a while back with money borrowed from fiends and family (I felt so so so sure we would get DLA and I would be able to pay the money back - now I have to stop both and I am in debt). on top of everything, I have been doing the ABA hours myself (cannot afford tutors and do not have any family). We get pretty much nothing on the NHS other than monthly useless SALT (and I had to fight for this a year as well incl a big complain to PALS). I am completely alone with everything with no support from anybody. for every wee bit support DD gets I had to fight tooth and nail and I am sick and tired of struggling. I am also going through a marriage breakdown on top. I am at breaking point now and was just waiting for DLA to make DD's and my life a wee bit easier. and now? whoever read the application must have been a fucking idiot or a fucking bastard. well probably it was an idiot of a bastard (sorry, I am so livid). I was fully expecting HRC and maybe even mobilty. and now I get a big fat zero.
I will ask for reconsideration but just wondered if I should put any other evidence in (even though I sent everything already). or should I rewrite parts of it (though I put every thing down alreay). I just want to hammer this DLA because we desperatly need it.
I just can't understand that we have been turned down. is this standard these days without dx?
any advise would be much appreciated and sorry for the typos. I drowned my anger in
.