Hey Everyone

[SephreniaRidesABroomstick]

I was advised to post here about my DD aged 12 (13 in a couple of weeks mum!) because she's been referred to CAMHS by her educational psychologist and school nurse to be checked out for ADD and ODD.

To be honest, I didn't even realise that these came under special needs (not trying to cause offence but I always thought special needs was for children who had some form of visible disability) and to be honest, I'm so used to the way she is, I was surprised the school referred her in the first place.

I hate saying this about DD, but she's always been difficult to handle and gets frustrated easily when things aren't the way she thinks they're supposed to be and she's always argued against adults but I thought that was just something unique to her.

It became more obvious in primary school and I came across an article about ADD that fit her to a tee but when I asked the school if there was any way to get her seen by a psychologist to check it out, I was told I was labelling bad behaviour and trying to cover my own shortcomings as a parent by making out my daughter was mad (their words, not mine).

Considering the primary school got SS involved to prove my bad parenting, I stopped trying to get her anger issues dealt with because I didn't want the SS to declare that it was all my fault and try to take her and DS (9) away from us.

I've trundled along since then, dealing with her mood swings, her outright tantrums and whatnot and adjusting our life so that it doesn't upset her need for routine and rather random way of learning things, but still coming down hard on unacceptable behaviour such as swearing (thankfully she doesn't do this often) or lashing out physically. Mostly, we just get along and all is pretty calm (well, apart from the odd 'it's not fair!' and 'you're soooo old!' here and there).

Now, I don't know a lot about ODD or ADD and to be honest, I've been told I'm a bad mum by both primary and high school for so long, that I'm beginning to think they're labelling bad behaviour

DH has helped enormously but even he's a bit now after being through the mill with me.

Anyway, I'm posting here, I don't know what for really, I guess I just need to know that I wasn't bonkers, or that they're not bonkers, or I'm not actually a bad parent. Or something.

Blimey. You don't sound like a bad parent to me, you sound like a fobbed off parent trying and succeeding to do a bloody good job.

Thank you Starlight, it helps so much to hear someone say that I'm not actually a twit and that perhaps, it's not me failing, but other people

Just a quick pop in to say Hi to Seph I am also a parent of a dd who at 12 was dx with adhd and odd.

Hi Devient

Hi Justabout,

This is a common thing then, being told you're a bad parent and having your child's behaviour blamed on you?

Right now, the school have decided that she's a danger in the school because when she gets mad, she storms out of the class and won't listen to anyone until she's calmed down again so they've referred her to a place called Swift for one to one tuition rather than trying to keep her in class.

I'm still trying to get my head around it all

That's ridiculous!

I wonder how many children have missed out on help they need because people are saying that they have bad parents

I'm glad you had someone to stick up for you though

Hi Seph there's loads of good advice on here. Sounds like your school have been spectacularly unhelpful.

Hi Lec0rn

I think you just qualified for understatement of the year

It's only because DDs head of student care has some background in Psychology that she's been seen by the educational psychologist and referred. I think if we didn't have her, DD would still be kicking up and I'd still be under suspicion of being a crap parent

we need some kind of award for these schools who ignore SEN. We could call them the ostrich awards

I think that's brilliant!

you can award your primary school SENCO a shiny gold ostrich award then .

Funnily enough, DS still goes to DDs old primary school so I can award it tomorrow

SephreniaRidesABroomstick

One of the problems in schools are the teachers, and Sencos trying to pretend that they have the medical qualifications to diagnose these types of issues.

ADD is now part of the ADHD spectrum, as Attention Disorder without Hyperactivity. You may find The history of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and there is also Overlap of ADHD and Oppositional Deant Disorder DSM-IV Derived Criteria
You may also find this collection of Attention Disorder related links useful

i was very lucky in most ways, dd1 was dx at 6 and dd2 at 3 years. However, I met a mum the other day that had been told her daugther was just badly behaved and it was all her fault. Now the girl is 20!! they are going though process of dxing asbergers! . Met a few at camp last year who didnt get dx'ed till secondary school :(

I guess the thing is, its more likely to be a parenting isues with kids than a SN, so schools assume it always is :( weirdly enough, your find its more of a problem with girls than boys.

Thank you for the links dolfrong

I'm just glad that they're looking into it lisad. I do have to admit though, I'm still a little nonplussed about it at the moment. It's very hard to wrap my head around the idea that there is something different about the way my DD processes things and it isn't all in my head.

I guess I've just become so used to the idea that she's badly behaved, that having them say she could have ADD/ODD seems like they're grasping at straws

*dolfrog even