Please help desperate dad - Can dyspraxia be cured??

[stayathomedadtosonaged4]

Please could someone help me. I am a dad not a mum but I stay at home to look after my only son and I feel desperate. I have given everything up to look after my little boy who is now 4 so I can be a proper father ? my dad left home when I was 2 and I never knew him and my wife earns more than me. My son started school in September and I had my first parent evening today. They told me he was dyspraxic. This has devastated me as I have been looking at this on the internet and it has severe long term implications. I feel I have failed as a father. I have been recommended a therapist and I will go ahead with this but I feel so bad for my son. Could I have avoided this? I am scared to tell my wife as she really provides for us and I feel so inadequate. Please tell me this can be ?cured?. I love my son more than anything in the world and I just want him to be OK

Firstly, it's nothing you've done, and it couldn't have been avoided.

Also he's the same adorable boy today that he was yesterday. A 'label' by school (which they're not even qualified to give - an occupational therapist is the correct person to diagnose dyspraxia) does not change him at all.

Take a while to let it all sink in. And def don't be scared to tell you wife.

However there is lots and lots that can be done to cure/vastly improve dyspraxia.

Here's some people offering therapies:

INPP
Sound Learning Centre
Hemispheres
Dore
Sunflower Program
GAPS diet

The only hard thing is to decide which to go with (and there are loads more).

there are dyspraxic children at Oxford, it does have long-term implications but they can be managed.

I had a quick look at the GAPS diet and wouldn't recommend that one.

My first recommmendation would be don't look at the internet, as the sites I saw when I looked were about Children with very very severe disabilities, not the kind that would only be picked up after a child went to school.

Next, I am dyspraxic (I believe, I haven't been officially diagnosed) but I got through school fine, and even went to Uni, even ending up at Oxford for a while. I also can drive!

A school is not qualified to diagnose, they should have said "he shows signs of..." or "have you ever considered..." or "his behaviour is consistent with.....".
What you should do now is take him straight to your GP and request an appointment with a paediatrician/occupational therapist to find out if he is dyspraxic. If he is they should offer you some therapy and help.

Next if it is Dyspraxia it is not your fault, it is to do with the migration of certain brain cells before he was born. And even better there is a lot you can do to help him now. Talking honestly to him about the condition will help too. Also from my experience, people with Dyspraxia can learn to do just about everything, they just need a lot more practice so they get to the automatic stage (eg. with a dance they will still seem unco-ordinated until they no longer have to think about the moves). Often they also need to learn about personal space as a set of rules.

I believe a lot of Rugby player types I have known have been dyspraxic.

So first get it diagnosed by someone qualified, and then do what you can to help him.

stayathomedadtosonaged4

you may find this research paper informative
Dyspraxia or developmental coordination disorder? Unravelling the enigma which describes the issues quite well.

Please dont panic.

I understand your feelings, as I reacted the same when I was told that DD3 was dyspraxic when she was 3 years old. I thought she was perfect and could not understand how someone could tell me that she wasn't. It took me a while to calm down to realise that she still was the perfect little girl that I loved totally.

One way that I describe this to people who ask me and also the way I have helped DD3 to understand her dyspraxia is this:
When your brain needs to work normally the paths go from A to B. When DD3 needs to do the same, that "pathway" is not effective, so she needs to find another "pathway", maybe A - D - E - B, It does take her longer to learn how to do things, but she is a lovely, understanding, caring girl whose personality outshines any difficulties she has.

I also think the school should not have said this to you. You need to get a "proper" diagnosis and talk with professionals who can help your DS and you to get the most appropriate help for him.

If he is only just starting school it seems early to be definitive about many of the traits which characterise dyspraxia. Lots of 4/5 year olds have issues with fine motor skills for example, such as holding a pencil, knife and fork or doing up buttons. Schools are not able to diagnose. Ask them (or your gp) for a referrral to an Occupational Therapist for an assessement but be prepared for this to be only the first of several as the picture changes as he gets older. There are plenty of exercises, activities and games which can be incorporated into his day to help develop the appropriate skills and coping strategies which will help minimise the effect it has on his everyday life, if indeed he does have dyspraxia, but no such "cure" I'm afraid. Also some adapted pens, seats, cushions, scissors, wiring slopes etc to make life easier.

The Dyspraxia Foundation website has a useful checklist of typical traits by age if you feel up to seeing whether you can identify him with this. Lastly agree not to panic, it is very common - 1:5 in a classroom , more boys than girls - but for many it is never identified so they don't receive help and get labelled as lazy or disruptive. Having someone pick it up early can be a huge advantage. Good luck.

Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter) has dyspraxia.

Another positive story here too, I am dyspraxic and hold down a job and have a degree. It mainly affects my organisational skills and has some unfortunate implications for my collection of glassware as I drop things so I only buy cheap! Same with the dinner p,plates etc.
My son aged 8 is also dyspraxic so I can see the similarities with me.
There is a good supportive Facebook group called DYSFunctioning which is very active with adults who have dyspraxia and parents of children with the same,
An Occupational Therapist coukd assess your DS to see if he has any needs they coukd help with. My son benefitted from pencil grips to help his writing for example.
Lastly, don't panic, it's nothing you've done wrong, your DS was born with this and will live a successful life with it.

Oh poor you, such a shock when you were not expecting it.

Firstly, the school cannot diagnose dyspraxia, they may suggest it though. You need to go to your GP and ask for a referral to an Occupational Therapist and a Paed.

There are therapies that can be given, they do not cure dyspraxia as it is incurable, but they can help to ease the symptoms.

Secondly, you do not need to be a mum to post on here, there are some dads. Welcome to the SN boards :)

My dad was dyspraxic. He spoke/wrote 5 languages and came to this country in the first place to go to Oxford and then the LSE. This was in the days before computers/understanding and all the help that's available now so don't get despondant. Unlike his brother he couldn't be a surgeon (fine motor skills) but he could and did have what most would call a good life including a happy family, career etc.

He was uber scatty, but had learnt lots of coping mechanisms (the fact his wfe was an SEN teacher prob helped lol!).

There's a hell of a lot of stuff you can do to help him from retained reflex therapy, to fish oils (my Dad swore by cod liver oil as the ultimate health aid, summat in it helped him as he noticed when he missed his daily dose, as do I), to the "Write from the Start" handwriting programme.

Turn that despondancy I detect from your post into a determination to do all you can to help your child. It's been detected young so school will know to help from day 1. Does he have a programme to help from your NHS OT? If not then that's a good place to start pushing for support. When he starts school demand an EP comes in and checks the school are doing all they can to help.

Do stick around on this board - there are SO many useful hints and tip other parents will be able to offer you. Do tell your wife - she'll need to understand why he finds handwriting/tying shoe laces etc a bit tricky as time goes on, don't let her worry and wonder, or worse think he's being naughty for stuff he can't help. This something you need to share. He's lucky to have a Dad who cares so much.

OK

DONT PANIC

There are many things that can help your son but the main thing is he has you which is a great starting point for him!

I would recommend Fish oils (I use eyeQ from boots) and Retained reflex therapy (I go to INPP with my ds)

google inpp and it will take you to a useful check list to see if this therapy will help you son (it will btw!!)

Good luck x

You have had some excellent advice here.

I am concerned, though, that the school have just pronounced him as dyspraxic...they are not qualified to do so (he might not be!). Please do follow this up, and see your GP as soon as you can. They will refer you to a paed, but the appt may take quite some time to come through (we are waiting on an appt with my DS at the moment).

Good luck! Keep posting on here too :)

Stayathomedad - welcome - and ditto the posts above.
Also don't worry about cost of treatments etc as there is plenty you can do yourself - regardless of any formal diagnosis, to help your son improve his motor skills.
The out of sync child is a good place to start with information. Activities could include playing wheelbarrows with him, getting him to carry shopping, gardening, pushing and pulling things (doors, sweeping etc), pegging out washing, baking where he's mixing or kneading. Playdough (although theraputty is better as it's longer lasting and tougher) rolling, pinching, making models with it. Hiding things in playdough for him to find. The list is endless, but you will be helping him use the muscles in his core and improve his strength.
Enjoy your son

stayathomedad.... my son possibly has mild dyspraxia too. It only really became an issue when the teacher raised it as causing problems so he's been referred to paeds/OT and physio... so far the paediatric team and the physio have assessed him and both feel the problem isn't severe and although the physio is recommending some one to one time with an SNA in school she certainly didn't seem to think there was any real cause for concern. We're still waiting for the OT assessment which will be the decider as to whether it is dyspraxia.

I almost certainly have it as well and, although I struggled in school with concentration and routine and have never had much sporting talent, I never had much problem academically, can drive easily, am studying with the OU for a degree and have never had problems with my children. The most obvious way it affects me is with basic co-ordination.... my clumsiness is a running joke and certain tasks can be trickier than they should be but I function reasonably well

I would say 2 things;

1. the school are not qualified to diagnose your son.. a teacher expressing her suspicion that your son is dyspraxic is about as far from a diagnosis as it is possible to be. If you have concerns then by all means have him assessed but their opinion is irrelevant to the situation.
2. if he has gotten to school age without you having any concerns whatsoever then it is unlikely that any dyspraxia, if it is present, is severe.... severe dyspraxics (the ones you've most likely been reading about on line) have trouble with the simplest tasks and it would be apparent from a young age that they had SN. If your son reached milestones within a reasonable period and hasn't noticeably had major difficulties with simple tasks that would have aroused your suspicion I wouldn't panic too much. I got through my entire childhood without diagnosis (other than 'clumsy', 'lazy' and 'ditzy') and it hasn't been detrimental to my adult life.

From the bottom of my heart I want to thank you all for your kind and sympathetic words. I can not tell you how much better I feel after reading your posts and am sorry it has taken so long to reply. I have spoken with my wife who of course was as concerned as I am and we have decided to take him to an OT to get this properly diagnosed. Thanks again and I will post once we have had the appointment as I am sure I will need your reassuring opinions and views again :)

I am dyspraxic and I have a degree. I can't drive though. I also have a habit of dropping glass saucepan lids which drives DH mad! Good luck with the GP.

are you getting a private ot assessment?
it will be quicker of course (there can be long waits through nhs), but do make sure you see your gp and ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician as well. then they can also be looking and referring for ot/ physio as they deem necessary. nhs ot's can also go into schools and make recommendations for teachers to implement in classrooms etc.

i'm curious why they are so certain though - there's a huge variety of fine and gross motor abilities with 4yos. it sounds faintly unprofessional for them to be offering a dx (which they can't do anyway) so early in the school year when they hardly have had time to get to know him. kids change so much in the first few years of school.

This thread is from last week so my comments might be a bit late, but I feel the need to post....

Very surprised that school would attempt to diagnose dyspraxia - especially after 4 weeks with a 4 year old! Like others have said you need to involve medical professionals.

At the suggestion of pre-school we saw GP, then paediatrician, then occupational therapist (this one privately because of long wait for NHS). DS has developmental coordination disorder (aka dyspraxia) with most of issues being around fine motor skills and physical planning, some sensory avoidance (with associated poor concentration) and some sensory seeking behaviour. Occupational therapy is helping a lot with understanding him and with helping him learn skills. Some dyspraxic kids have problems in other areas (e.g. speech and communication) and there are therapists who can help there too.

See the right people to get your child assessed and diagnosed, then look at putting therapies and support in place and you'll probably learn and achieve loads.

On the positive side, if school are suggesting dyspraxia that may mean they have experience dealing with it and will be on side to give your child the right support. :)

I have an 8 year old son who is dyspraxic. It is genetic, nothing to do with you as a dad. Here are some tips:

1. Get a proper diagnosis and occ therapy.
2. Be prepared to drill him in maths. Do not assume he will 'get' things like sequencing on his own, or that 100 +20 = 120. He will have to be told things other kids pick up. Really keep on top of this- my son hated maths and couldn't do it until we spent the summer doing maths twice a day so I could work out what he didn't 'get' he now loves it and is storming ahead in class in maths. Still can't write legiblywhich brings me on to next point...
3. Get him using a keyboard asap.
4. Fish oil is worth a try. It can't hurt.
5. Read this and forward it to his teachers.

www.firstelevenmagazine.co.uk/welcome-to-the-world-of-dyspraxia/