i feel like everything is my fault...

[saladsandwich]

just had a meeting regarding ds today, basically nursery are saying he is doing great he was behind when he first started but he's where he should be now. i just feel now the finger is being pointed at me, i'm telling them one thing then nursery are saying something else...

intellectually ds is bright, can do jigsaws, knows colours ect, it is his other skills, social and communication skills for me are still behind the community peaiatrician said around 12months but i dont know really, i go in these meetings and my mind goes blank but i just feel maybe it's me seeing things that aren't there or i'm making a big deal out of nothing...

i have not slept properly since he was born and its now taking it's toll, i can feel myself becoming depressed by the endless appointments, the endless worry... i worry that somehow i focused on ds when actually its just me not coping with an average toddler.

sorry if nothing makes sense it doesn't to me just upset at the moment

That's great news that your ds is doing well. I totally understand where you're cingular from with thinking it's down to you when things arent going well, but please forget that and focus on the fact he's doing well. It could be any combination of things that have helped him progress, it doesn't not indicate that anything is your fault.

Are you concerned that they are wrong and he isn't doing well?

Re-read your post and it seems like you still have concerns but nursery don't? I'm sure some more experienced mn posters will have some practical advice.

Hi salad do you have a DP to support you? If the paed says he is 12 months behind then its not you making things up, and their diagnosis over-rules any observations the nursery make.
With regard to the meetings is there someone who could go with you, friend or relative, who can give you some support? Also if you could maybe prepare for the meetings before you go in, write down observations/questions so that your mind doesn't go blank.
Also if you do feel like your becoming depressed seeing your GP may help.

its just me and ds pretty much all the time so i have to go to the meetings on my own. the community pead put on the report he was 12months behind with his speech, self care skills, imaginative play... but he said alot could be down to speech but thinks he should be seen every 6 months. he told me to do a course to manage his behaviour so i'm doing that.

i use to see someone because my mood just slumped but they've said im not depressed i'm just how i am because of circumstances but i just feel exhausted. i just need sleep i think but he wakes constantly x

Hi Salad,
I pretty much think that mothers are always right with their assessement, so if you think he's behind in his social skills, then he is IMO.However, it's great that it's subtle enough that nursery can't tell easily.

On another note: it sounds like you need some sleep and a break so that you can be the best mother for him. I would actively look into this. Even if it's hatd to afford/organize can you take one night off and sleep at a friends house while a night nurse or a nursery teacher look after him. It can do wonders and you sound sleep deprieved. Even one night can make a change, so get organized!