Need help, feel like i'm going mad !!

[ocdgirl]

don't know where to start feels like no one is listening to me.

my ds is 5 and has always seemed to struggle socially as a baby he would growl and flap his arms at anyone who he didn't know if they tried to talk to him now at 5 he'll often hide behind me or point his finger at them as if to shoot them. He is really struggling at school and his behaviour in the mornings is very stressfull. we had problems in reception but after we went in to see them they recognised them and did put support in place which helped so much as he was so much more confident but unfortunately they haven't carried this over to y1.

He doesn't cope well at parties or busy play areas as he doesn't like loud noises, he wont be in the same room as a baby in case it cries and also he's scared of dogs (even though we have got 2 small gentle dogs) in case they lick him or jump up. As a baby he hated toddler groups especially song time, even if i tried to sing nursery rhymes at home he hated it.

He hates change and refuses to try new things and new foods are out of the question.

He has a very bad temper and lashes out at the slightest thing (although we are really trying to calm this)

When he is strressed his behaviour is very unpredicatable, he struggles to sleep and often cries in his sleep.

School just seem to be disciplining him for his behaviour rather than trying to get to the bottom of it which is making everything worse, he had his name on the board and has wet the bed a couple of times, he says he is bad and i'm trying so hard to help him through this.

We took him to the doctors last night with a sore ear and in the witing room a lady spoke to him about a toy he was playing with and he burst into tears and then went mad tried to leave and we had to wait in a corridoor ass he refused to go back into the waiting room and tried to tell me he was ok so we would leave.

He refuses to cuddle most people and sometimes won't cuddle me or his dad, I know members of my family are blaming me for this and now my dh is too (apparently i'm stressed and he's picking up on it) but i'm not sure what i can do differently to stop these behaviours i do get stressed but i am mostly calm when dealing with my son. Also meant to say ass this is quite important my ds is adopted and we have involved ss in this but waiting for our sw to get back off annual leave then we are having a meeting with the school.

thanks if you have managed to read this and sorry for the many mistakes that there no doubt will be i'm sure there's things i have missed off here but trying not to drip feed

if you are concerned he has developmental issues then speak to your gp and request a referral to a developmental paed.

if you think he is just extremely shy, rather than having any specific sensory/ other issues, then please arrange a time to go into school and discuss this with the teacher - they might have some ideas on confidence boosting.

if you think this might be wrapped up with the adoption etc, then the sw is a good place to start, and it's possible that a cahms referral might help. (not sure how long he has been with you, or whether any anxieties are playing a part?)

have you got any instincts what the problem might be? sometimes parents do have a gut feeling...

hi thanks for your reply. Yes i have a feeling he has asd but then people keep making me think it's my fault and i just don't know. The school admitted he is very young for his age and although he's clever his socail skills are typical of a much younger child, He loves shape sorters, clocks, numbers and he's obsesed with trains. We are not going through our gp at the moment (she is pretty useless anyway) as we are waiting to see what our sw makes of it all and what support they can offer.

"He doesn't cope well at parties or busy play areas as he doesn't like loud noises, he wont be in the same room as a baby in case it cries"

This could be some form of Auditory issue, which he may grow out of or may be a long term issue. You also mentioned a sore ear which may be related.

I was informed by an Audiologist at Great Ormond Street Hospital this week, that these types of issues should be investigate as some form of disability from the age of 6 years old.
you could have a look at the following links which may provide some more relevant detailed information.
Auditory Processing Disorder in the UK (APDUK)
Hyperacusis (sound sensitivity)
Otitis Media (glue ear)
Audiology

if you suspect asd or similar, it's probably worth running with that for a while whilst you wait for referrals to catch up. do you have a local branch of nas? they are often very supportive to parents at the 'not sure but i think...' stage, and often have a lending library full of stuff.

sensory issues can point to all sorts of things, and an ot referral may help you get to the bottom of this aspect.

agree with madwoman.

Sorry that your GP is useless but they don't have to do anything except refer you to a developmental paediatrician.

Have a look on the NAS website and research ASD. Take a list of any symptoms you recognise and add a real life story that illustrates the behaviour. Insist on a referral to a developmental paediatrician.

If it is refused, go home, write a letter to the GP requesting that they change their mind and attach your list. They are less likely to refuse a written request.

Or you can ask for another GP or second opinion.

It sounds to me like you really do need a referral to a developmental paediatrician to check your ds out. It may come to nothing, but the longer you leave it, the more complicated things become and the more likely people are to blame parenting.

And to be fair, I think that parenting a child with difficultes that aren't recognised or acknowledged can actualy make you a bad parent, simply because you don't know what to do and become frustrated and stressed.

I agree, even if the gp isn't much help, she should be able to refer your DS for assessment. It's a good idea to get the ball rolling as soon as you can, as you often have to wait a long time before their referral comes though.

yy, gp is just a conduit to the paed. most kids with sn barely see the gp at all unless they get a common or garden kid's ailment! all you need from the gp is a referral. (our old gp was terrified of dd2 and every time i turned up at the surgery, he just called the hospital and arranged for us to go there )

gp is by far the easiest way to get to developmental paed, and that's where you need to be. doesn't matter how useless the gp is.

good luck. x

thanks everyone, i will speak to my sw on monday and then make an appointment with my gp as this really needs sorting asap