Did I cause ds' learning disabilities?

[messydeskmessymind]

Was it me that caused ds' learning disabilities? I didn't know I was pregnant when at least twice during week 4 to 5 in early pregnancy I shared a bottle a wine with dh. Once I tested positive (at approx week five) I had the occassional half glass (once a week maybe).

Professionals have never asked me if I drank in pregnancy. I'm too frightened to bring it up myself but having googled foetal alcohol syndrome ds could fit the profile. he is small, has a small head and is smoothed rather than ridged between nose and lip. He has learning disabilities, asd and adhd. he is gorgeous and the love of my life.

he is under investigation with genetics team for damage to x chromosome not sure whether that makes FAS more or less likely.

I have namechanged as I feel so frightened about this - it is really eating me up inside.

Not really sure what I'm asking actually - just needed to write it down and acknowledge my fears

oh, and they asked me if dh and i were related. that's always a winner.

gossipwitch - blimey you did go thru the wars when pregnant - glad you are both intact.
I am feeling better for the words of wisdom - its true that even if i was unlucky enough that genetics plus small amount of alcohol plus being mid thirties etc caused the problems then it doesn't change anything. I will mention it to the dr but I will be firm that i'm not unestimating how much i drank.

Madwoman - i hope i don't have to wait another 10 years for the dx but i can see that it must have been wonderful for your friend to finally know.

Yes I should concentrate on him being a lovely wee chap and keep on with all the therapy etc.
And munchkinmum - one of the great things about mumsnet is that often when you think of a topic you want to post about one miraculously appears.

I'm just glad it didn't happen all in one day, I put the splits and the falling down the stairs bit down to off centre of gravity, the laminate laying down to pure impatience and the rest to not knowing I was pregnant, he is my little warrior though !

This thread has reminded me that I was in Poland before I knew I was pregnant, sinking large quantities of vodka and swimming in an radioactive lake. I don't know why DS is disabled but it's always a possibility I suppose.

Mind you, a neighbour of mine was a hopeless smack addict throughout pregnancy and gave birth to a perfectly healthy child. Neighbour went on to lose custody of her child and die in her 40's but the kid is fine. Luck of the draw I guess and I can't imagine that small quantity of wine had anything to do with it

I got very drunk at the very early stage of pregnancy, did not know I was at the time- infact I might not have been at all, it was that early and I don't know the exact date/time of her conception.All I know is she was born nine months after my night out, and was born with a heart condition. I blamed myself for years because of that. I finally 'forgave' myself a few years ago, and fortunately my DD is stable and healthy. For my second pregnancy I did not touch a drop, and my DD2 has sensory problems, we are waiting for a referral. I don't blame myself for that, other than I am an anxious person by nature and that feeds her worries too. I think you need to let go of this guilt- as everyone else has said- there are so many factors and if you stress out with blame you won't be in a position to help your child. You love him dearly, that is what counts.

OP - FAS is when a child is born to a mother who has drunk large (and I mean large) quantities of alcohol right through pg and before (inc alcoholics)...not a mother who had 4-5 glasses of wine in early pg!!!

I can understand your need to apportion blame (we've all been there I think) but, honestly, you didnt cause your ds's issues.

Btw...I have always blamed myself for my 1st mc...it was my b day and I was in Dublin and had a few glasses of wine as I didnt know I was pg.

I mc.

Was it my fault?? Who knows! But how on earth can you modify your behaviour/habits if you dont even know you are pg????!!!

Give yourself a break x

Nurse here and not a chance in hell that your child could have FAS. Nowhere near the amount needed to cause it!As someone else already said, it usually presents in children of chronic alcoholics and a child will have quite distinguishable features etc. Stop beating yourself up about it. I think we all go through that guilt stage- there really is no reason in most cases:)