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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

Help! At breaking point

10 replies

Noodlesdd · 18/09/2011 16:19

hi,

Need to vent I am so tired, stressed and at the bottom of a hole I can't get out.

My 4 year old son was born at 26 weeks and has cerebral palsy and possible aspergers - he's just started 2 hours a day at school last week and he's been in constant meltdown at home since. I really don't know how to deal with it.

I kicked my husband out 2 months ago due to his aggression towards our son and general nastiness. My son drives me crazy too but I spend all my energy trying not to lose it, so I had enough of defending him too. I have multiple sclerosis so am really struggling here and ex has only seen son and 5 year old daughter 2 times for three hours in last 8 weeks.

I have no family and friends all have own problems to deal with. I want to phone social services tomorrow morning to say I can't cope anymore and to take them away. I feel like i am a terrible mother but I just don't have any energy left for myself let alone them. I am supposed to inject myself once a week for MS but it makes me too ill to do anything the next day - so I have not done it for 6 weeks because the children need me and now I'm getting poorly.

Just need a break

OP posts:

bigbluebus · 18/09/2011 17:25

Hi NoodlesDD.
Sorry to hear you are struggling to cope. Would ring SS/Disabled Childrens Team tomorrow, maybe not to tell them to take DC away as I'm sure you don't want that really - but to tell them you need some help/respite and fast. You are entitled to a carers assessment as well as having your DS's needs assessed. Also is there a Homestart in your area? They offer help to families where a child is under 5 and the family is struggling. Am sure you would qualify due to you health and DS's disabilities. Give them a call.

Help is probably not going to come quickly I'm afraid, but at least if you can get the ball rolling and there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it might help you cope better.

Hugs to you.

BakeliteBelle · 18/09/2011 18:35

Oh Noodles, it sounds like life is really difficult. I completely agree with bigblue, that you need to phone Social Services tomorrow and ask for help. Can you also go to your GP and explain what is happening? They will hopefully be sympathetic and I am sure they will be concerned about your physical health. If it is any consolation, I know many NT children who are melting down at school too, but you have a lot on your plate and you need to reach out to those whose job it is to help you. Good luck and hugs xx

Original poster

Noodlesdd · 18/09/2011 20:32

Thanks - I know I am just tired so finding him harder to deal with. Plus he is so tired himself from the 2 hours at school that he's not in control of himself at all.
I know I don't want to get back with my husband because he just added to the stress in the house but I am wobbling where I am struggling. But I know if he was here my son would be a million times worse and then I wonder if it's because of my son that the marriage broke down or if I really do hate my husband.
Feel like maybe I should go and let him have house and kids because I can't do it. Feel real sad.

OP posts:

MangoMonster · 18/09/2011 21:11

I'm sorry you feel so sad. Is there anyone you know go could take the kids for a couple of hours and give you a break?

MangoMonster · 18/09/2011 21:14

When I say anyone, I mean someone you can trust? It must be really hard for you, but there must be a solution somewhere... I'm sure someone here with more knowledge will be able to help you soon. Hang on in there.

MangoMonster · 18/09/2011 21:19

You're not a terrible mother, you're asking for help, you need to get some support so that you can take care of yourself too. Please dont be so down on yourself. Take the other posters advice and call someone tomorrow tonged some support and respite. None of this is your doing or your fault, you've been dealt a difficult hand and you're doing your best, you need some support and things will look better. Please be hopeful, you've come this far.

unpa1dcar3r · 18/09/2011 21:37

You're just overwrought Noodles. So much going on for you and your son. To echo what Big says; ring SS tomorrow and ask for an emergency appointment to discuss yours and your sons needs and what they can offer to help.
Clearly you love your children but just need some support. If you get some sleep it'll help, tiredness is a big stress factor for many of us.

Most of us can relate to how you feel right now but it will get better. Once son settles down it will help. Do not consider making any decisions about your ex while you feel low, you'll regret it for sure.

coff33pot · 18/09/2011 21:42

oh bless you you are having a rough time of it :(

I would definately ring someone like bigbluebus says. You are not a bad Mum by any means you are just poorly and dealing with a very stressy little boy who is no doubt very tired due to the strangeness and coping at school. Getting some help will at least give you a chance to let you look after yourself too as you are as equally important

Marne · 18/09/2011 21:52

So sorry you are having such a tough time Noodle, deffently phone ss tomorrow, hopfully they can offer you some respite. It must be so hard when you have MS yourself, please go easy on yourself, you are doing a great job (your doing the best you can). I do hope ss can help.

purplemurple · 18/09/2011 22:57

Try Homestart as well, they can provide support if you have a child under 5. They can provide both practical and emotional support.

I am sorry you are having a hard time.

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